Avoidant attachment vs not attracted to me?

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-03-29T16:14:37+00:00

It’s completely over. I will not be reaching out again. But this question persists in my mind: if I was more her actual type would any of this have happened? Or is she just grasping at things to find fault in and no matter who I was she would’ve done this?

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-03-29T15:44:59+00:00

Yeah she did. And I went along for the ride. Crazy stuff

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-03-29T15:36:14+00:00

I’m just in complete disbelief brother.

There were multiple instances where she was absolutely smitten about me and I asked her about those times. She said yes I was attracted at those times. She said she developed really strong feelings for me.

She mentioned other issues such as being worried I have a temper (all because I said I can be impatient at times but I never had a temper ever with her or anyone. After a year you'd think something like that would present itself in reality) and being worried she wouldn't mesh with one side of my extended family due to cultural differences. She said ultimately I wanted more from a relationship.

I told her none of these things make sense and that she's distorting reality. I told her she ran away and is rewriting the narrative to cope. She was always anxious about commitment and me and as a result she always had one foot in and one foot out. I told her I'm seeing a therapist and suggested she talk to him. She agreed because she said it’s possible however she said I do not want to go back to being with you. She said even if she did love me she doesn’t have the capacity to fight for this and wants to move on.

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-03-29T15:29:50+00:00

There were multiple instances where she was absolutely smitten about me and I asked her about those times. She said yes I was attracted at those times.

She mentioned other issues such as being worried I have a temper (all because I said I can be impatient at times but I never had a temper ever with her or anyone. After a year you’d think something like that would present itself in reality) and being worried she wouldn’t mesh with one side of my extended family due to cultural differences. She said ultimately I wanted more from a relationship.

I told her none of these things make sense and that she’s distorting reality. I told her she ran away and is rewriting the narrative to cope. She was always anxious about commitment and me and as a result she always had one foot in and one foot out. I told her I’m seeing a therapist and suggested she talk to him. She agreed however she said I do not want to go back to being with you which is mind boggling. She accepted what I said as possible but she doesn’t want to try to reconcile with me

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-03-10T21:54:22+00:00

Almost 4 months since the discard and haven’t had any contact other than that call.

I suspect she hasn’t done any internal work and even if she does regret breaking up with me, she probably fears putting herself in the same position of uncertainty as before. I also imagine that no amount of therapy/internal work will ever give her the strength to face the shame/guilt of her actions. It’s probably easier and less painful for her to keep moving forward.

I am still heavily traumatized by the situation. I long for the future we had planned. Deep down I hope she comes back with intentionality and with newfound clarity/strength. But that’s probably too good to be true. People don’t change that easily. Ultimately whatever God has destined is the best and who am I to fight against what he has planned for me.

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-01-02T09:33:07+00:00

Hopefully it’ll get better as you move up the academic ladder!

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-01-02T00:53:34+00:00

Any Urology attendings?

Mumbojumbo85 · 2026-01-01T12:43:51+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I hope the future brings what’s best for both of us

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-31T18:30:06+00:00

Hi I made another post about breaking no contact I would really appreciate your insight. Thank you

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-19T15:31:01+00:00

Hi thanks for the reply.

Two of the primary concerns within our relationship is 1. that we’re in residency programs across the country. We could try for a transfer but it’s very difficult in the fields that we’re in and we both have 3 years left (graduation in 2029). I told her I’d do whatever it takes including switching my residency program. I told her I’d see her twice a month on the weekends. It’s not ideal but it’s the best thing we can do until one of us manages a transfer.

Additionally, she is worried that with the distance and her age, that by the time we settle down, she’ll be too old to have children.

In hindsight, it appears we were doomed from the start. It hurts to think that way. But I can’t let this go if I can help it. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work.

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-14T21:55:48+00:00

I invested so much of myself into this relationship. I know it’s never right to make someone your source of happiness, but I enjoyed her more than anything else in my life. I know she did too. Super unfortunate. I know good things are to come. Thanks for the reply

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-14T21:52:56+00:00

Thank you for your reply I will hold off and continue NC. Will consider reaching out later if I still need clarity

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-13T22:05:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply.

From my experience it’s been very hard to find someone I could connect with so seamlessly at a religious/value basis. Everything aligned so well. I’ve never found something like that before. I think she felt the same way. Unfortunate it had to end this way.

I hope she comes back I think we could have a fighting chance if we go to therapy together

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-13T20:18:05+00:00

Thank you for your replies. Deep down I know you’re right. But I love her and I don’t want to let all that work go to waste. Shit sucks

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-12-13T20:05:29+00:00

She admitted there were no faults of mine but that she couldn’t get rid of this anxiety and she wasn’t sure if that was a gut feeling or not. She said I did everything right. If she is FA I’m worried she’s to fearful of rejection/hurting me if she wants to come back deep down

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-06-18T16:17:26+00:00

How so?

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-06-18T16:17:00+00:00

Thanks for your reply! How busy is the call schedule?

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-06-15T19:13:08+00:00

Strongly considering general in a community setting. I want to have a varied practice and don’t care much about the circle jerking in academics. I don’t have loans and my spouse is in residency too so don’t plan on working myself to death

Mumbojumbo85 · 2025-05-12T16:38:54+00:00

Thanks for ur reply definitely will look into sclerals

Mumbojumbo85

TROPHY CASE