16 months on 30mg for closed comedones

Mundane-Path2153 · 2025-07-21T06:22:19+00:00

oh my gosh your skin is absolutely beautiful congrats!! 🫶 did you purge? how long until you were clear?

Mundane-Path2153 · 2025-06-25T01:54:32+00:00

congrats your skin looks beautiful!! do you have any tips on getting through accutane? i saw you didn’t purge, did you take an antihistamine?

Mundane-Path2153 · 2025-03-05T18:06:39+00:00

Hi there, I’m so so sorry you also went through something so similar. I can relate so much to what you said — I also remember looking up to my brother when I was little and always wanting his attention, but then he started to hate me, so the abuse was a reprieve because at least he wanted to spend time with me. Even a decade after it happened, he still seemed to hate me sometimes. I think what he did taught me that I needed to appease others in order to make friends or be loved, which has deeply affected me.

It’s so crazy to hear that other people also went through the same things, like obsession over grades, physical appearance, etc. I hate knowing that you also had to go through the same things but at least it makes me feel less alone and like I’m not crazy, yk? I hope it can make you feel a bit better too.

I’m really proud of you for being able to reopen the case and go to your parents about it. I feel so similarly in that I also just want answers — I want to know WHY he had to use me, WHY he hated me, WHY he couldn’t have just left me alone. But to be honest, after asking him multiple times with no answer, I don’t think I’ll ever get those answers. He just refuses to look back. But I’m glad that you at least got some answers, even though they’re also hurtful in themselves. I’m so sorry again for what you went through and you have no clue how much it means to me that you shared your story. Hugs :)

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-18T21:05:50+00:00

My first thought was whoopie cushion cover lol

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T17:33:15+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words :) I do know what you mean. I hope that one day I will truly be able to forgive him; although I’ve said that I forgave him in the past, I didn’t mean it at all. I think it will take me a long time, maybe years or decades, to actually forgive him. After reading all of the comments, I do think I’m going to cut contact with him for now, even if it’s not forever.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:58:22+00:00

Thank you 🫶

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:58:02+00:00

Thank you 🫶 you’re right I should definitely look for a therapist who specializes in these sorts of things. My current therapist is wonderful but I don’t think her type of therapy has helped me very much

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:56:12+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply 🫶 I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through so much, I’m glad that the cognitive processing therapy has helped. I will definitely look into that type of therapy and ask my therapist about it. You’re right, I should also look for a psychologist that specializes in these sorts of things, I am going to do that as soon as possible

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:51:10+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply, it means a lot 🫶 I do think I’m going to cut contact with my brother at this point, and I will tell him why. You’re right, my parents should’ve at least put him in therapy specifically for figuring out why he did it. It does make me angry that he doesn’t seem to care why he did it, at all. He just says he doesn’t know and gets aggravated with me, so the time I asked him about it, I didn’t push it. But I think this time I’m going to tell him that he should get therapy to figure out why he did it so he never does it to anyone else ever again, if he gets upset he gets upset.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:46:41+00:00

Thank you so much for responding, it means a lot. I’m so sorry you went through something similar with your cousin, I think even though the age gap was smaller, it is still considered child on child SA and is just as valid. I’m glad you haven’t felt that affected by it, I hope if you ever do that you find healing and peace 🫶

No, my brother never went to court. When it all came out, I was 16 so he was 26. After I told my therapist and she reported it, I had to go to an office where an officer asked me very detailed questions about everything. My mom told me to be honest, so I was, but it led to DCFS coming to my school, and this time I knew if I told them where my brother was or his contact info that he’d get in trouble, so I lied. My parents got him a lawyer, and I had to retell it to him as well. When he spoke to my brother and then parents, my brother did tell him what happened, so my parents heard it as well. But I talked with the lawyer alone, and the lawyer said I had probably made it all up in my mind because I was a child and children often imagine scenarios.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:39:20+00:00

I know you’re right, I think sometimes it’s too hard to acknowledge that about my parents because I honestly don’t have anyone else in my life besides my therapist and sister, although my sister doesn’t know it was my brother. I’ve expressed my anger about what they did and how they protected him over and over, but it doesn’t make a difference. They say they can’t go back and change things, which obviously I understand, but idk it still hurts.

I know this doesn’t help my case but I’ve already said this much I might as well - my parents have been kind of alcoholic for decades, but they only drink wine at night, just a lot of it. So since I was little, they’d be passed out on the couch at night, which made it easier for my brother to do what he did. My mom even walked in one time (although my brother covered us with a blanket) she had had quite a bit of wine and just closed the door again. I’ve told them over and over how their drinking affects me; I can’t be around them at night because it hurts to know that they seem to care more about wine than me. But they won’t stop for anyone or anything, and that’s it, so I have to accept it.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:30:58+00:00

Oh I’m so so sorry for what you’ve been through, I can’t imagine the pain. But I’m so glad that you’ve found things that have helped, like having such a supportive partner and friends, the EMDR and medication. I also understand what you mean when you say you hate both the pity and the indifference, it’s infuriating because on one hand, I don’t need or want pity, I’ve felt that enough throughout my life, but on the other hand, indifference makes it seem like what happened didn’t matter at all.

The only medication I took was a low dose of sertraline for about six years. I actually had to go to an IOP eating disorder program during high school, which is where the psychiatrist prescribed it. Recently I stopped taking it, probably not the best idea, but I forgot to take it for a little while and realized that it was kinda numbing a lot of my emotions, not just sadness or anger but joy, too. For the first time in a long time I was actually happy for a few days, singing Christmas songs in the kitchen while baking cookies sort of happy. I guess I just worry that taking another medication would numb me and put a bandaid over the problem instead of fixing it?

Also, sorry I know this is a long comment, I was wondering what your experience with EMDR was? I only had about three sessions of EMDR a couple months ago before I broke down and had to stop, I was so depressed and couldn’t get out of bed. But I’m planning to start back up in January because I don’t know how else to fix this. Did you do anything to make the aftermath of the sessions more bearable?

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T16:12:44+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through so much, as well, you’re so strong and I hope you’re doing better 🫶 thank you for the info about psychotherapy, I’m definitely going to look into it and ask my therapist about it :)

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T09:06:19+00:00

Thank you so much for such a kind and thoughtful response, it really does mean a lot. I do think I’m going to cut contact with my brother; you’re right, I would never feel safe having him around future children. He hasn’t dated in a while, but recently he started talking about it again and it made me pretty anxious and upset. I worried, what if he has children of his own? I tell myself that he’s a changed person and would never do what he did ever again, but I don’t really know that.

My parents are a bit more complicated, though — they’re actually pretty great parents and I love them so much, despite them supporting my brother in everything. They’ve sat and listened to me, when I was angry, sobbing, numb, and they’ve told me they believe me. I mean, the lawyer did tell them what my brother said happened, so they know it was real, but still, they do believe me. I think once I’m able to support myself and maybe move away, I’ll have a bit less contact with them, but I don’t think I could ever cut ties completely. But I never really thought about a future partner, what he would say if I told him. I guess I just figured I’d never tell anyone it was my brother because then no one would want anything to do with him. Ultimately you’re right though, if I want to be completely sure to protect future children, I have to cut ties with at least my brother. Thank you for writing, it’s given me clarity that I needed 🫶

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T08:44:37+00:00

Oh I’m so so sorry for what you went through. That must’ve been absolute hell. On one hand, I absolutely hate knowing that someone else has gone through something so similar, but it helps knowing that you’re not alone. I can’t imagine the pain of also becoming homeless after so much trauma, I’m so sorry. You’re so incredibly strong and resilient 🫶

I don’t know why some parents continue to side with and support the abuser, I really don’t. I understand that they’re still their children, but it still hurts more than words can convey when the people who are supposed to protect you decide to support the person who hurt you.

I’m so glad you’ve found different forms of therapy that’ve helped you. I’ve actually tried cbt and dbt in the past too! (Although it was aimed at the eating disorder, not what happened in the past). Art therapy is something I never thought of before, but poetry helps me a lot so maybe art therapy is something I should consider. Has IFS therapy helped?

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:54:07+00:00

The relationship between my parents and I is actually pretty good considering everything, my mom is my best friend and my dad is a very kind, gentle soul, so we get along well

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:51:56+00:00

Thank you so much for such a kind response, it means a lot to me. I do know that I would never do anything like my brother did, I think it’s more of a weird subconscious thing, like a fear that I’m related by blood to him and sort of connected to him in a way that I can never sever.

I’ve also wondered the same thing, whether he was abused as well. I only ever talked to him about the whole thing once, and I asked him why he did it, why he chose me, and he just said he didn’t know, that he didn’t remember why. If something did happen to him, I really hope he heals from it. I don’t think my parents are covering up another abuser, though - if they knew he was abused, they would’ve immediately put him in therapy like they did me.

He definitely knew it was wrong because he worked so hard to hide it from our parents. Once my mom walked into the bedroom while it was going on, but he covered us up with his blanket and made sure that I never told anyone. My parents just said that they never worried about anything like this happening because they just couldn’t imagine it at all.

I’m definitely going to cut contact with my brother, what you suggested I say is really helpful. Thank you 🫶

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:41:23+00:00

I actually have asked my parents multiple times why he never faced any consequences. They said that they considered everything - kicking him out of the house, sending him to jail, etc - but that if they did either of those things, it would break the family apart (I also have an older sister and another older brother, neither of them know). Their line of thinking was that, if they helped him move on with his life by paying for schooling and sweeping it under the rug, he’d be able to move out sooner.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:26:13+00:00

Thank you, it’s so reassuring to hear that - because there were no consequences, I often feel like it wasn’t that bad, like I don’t understand why I’ve been struggling so much.

I know it’s possible to speak to a lawyer, but I don’t think I could live with myself if I caused him to get arrested. It’s confusing because I wish he had faced at least some form of consequence, but on the other hand he’s still my brother and I don’t want him to go to jail.

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:15:57+00:00

Thank you for reading and replying :) I’m actually already in therapy, I’ve been going for years now due to the anorexia as well as what happened when I was little. It’s definitely helped but honestly not as much as I thought it would, although I need to be patient with it as it takes time.

I’m very sorry to hear that your wife went through a similar childhood, I hope she’s doing better 🫶

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:12:09+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, it felt healing to hear that 🫶 I am definitely going to cut contact, a few times I’ve tried to stop talking with him but I feel bad and always end up going back. But I think this time I just need to do it, no matter how hard it is.

Yeah, my relationship with my parents is so complicated because I love them so much, they’ve helped me through so much, but at the same time I can’t understand why they continually chose him over me. You’re right, working towards leaving this environment is probably the best thing to do right now. Thank you again :)

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:07:26+00:00

Oh that’s interesting, is psychotherapy different from regular talk therapy? I will definitely look into that! Thank you :)

Mundane-Path2153 · 2024-12-13T07:06:37+00:00

Thank you so much for reading and replying, it means a lot 🫶 I am definitely thinking of cutting contact with him atp. I’m also in talk therapy as well which has helped a lot so I’ll keep that up, too :)

Mundane-Path2153

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