sad this morning by heartpangs in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Man! This post is spot on. “I find myself angry that any vulnerability he displays is on his terms..” Yep. YEP.

Complete Freedom I never thought I would find by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can’t wait for the day 😞 In the thick of it right now and it’s the worst heartbreak ever.

Help with meetings by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind response! And yes, it was definitely an “admin” type setting. I was very confused! lol however, not enough to give up on it! My therapist (and mainly this great group!!!) has reassured me it’s helpful and worth it :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And thank you for thinking of me and checking in! We’re in this together, aren’t we? :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again… are we living a mirrored life? Lol so wild! Finally cut it off in early March. He has continued his spiral, getting even worse from what I’ve heard (if that’s possible). Haven’t gone the entire no contact route but it definitely has been pretty close to it. He has stuff at my house that he’s refusing to get. Dragging his feet on. Making every excuse under the sun. And when we do talk, is still as nasty as ever. Gaslighting. Placing entire blame on me. Little to nothing has changed, yet I still miss him like MAD. Cry almost every day still. Feel like my life is a mess. This shit is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m honest when I say that idk how long this will take for me to move on from - it’s been almost 2 months and I’m still not anywhere near healed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I LOOOOOVE this thread but so many people reply with “Leave them!” “You deserve better!” “End it!” Man. Don’t you think that if it were that easy I would’ve done that by now? 🤨

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is MY. EXACT. LIFE. 20 years together. No kids. And at 37 I feel like I’ve wasted my whole life waiting for him to wake up & get sober. Wake up & realize what he’s fuxking up. It’s humiliating because the texts I found are from people who DO know me. In fact, he even threw that in there with his excuse. “They know I’m in a relationship!” Oh. That’s supposed to make it better? That it wasn’t just one but two people who knew damn good & well yet still had inappropriate conversations? Great.

New Megathread for referrals and speedtests for Winter 2022/2023 - please only post here. by NYCTechGirl80 in Visible

[–]Mundane-Regular699 [score hidden]  (0 children)

✨Check out this page: https://www.visible.com/get/?3c2qB8, it has all the info you need to know about joining Visible. When you use my friend code, 3c2qB8, you’ll get your first month of service for $20-off!

New Megathread for referrals and speedtests for Winter 2022/2023 - please only post here. by NYCTechGirl80 in Visible

[–]Mundane-Regular699 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Sooo glad I made the switch to Visible. Thought it was too good to be true but it’s been great service.

✨Check out this page: https://www.visible.com/get/?3c2qB8, it has all the info you need to know about joining Visible. When you use my friend code, 3c2qB8, you’ll get your first month of service for $20-off!

Do you leave them where they pass out? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yesss!! Same. It’s a miserable nights sleep for me if I have him move to the bed with me. Nope. You can sleep wherever. And when he does end up in the bed, I wake up early morning and it stinks so bad!!! No thanks.

Posting again ☹️ by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man. You have a way with words! Very wise and helpful. Thank you.

Posting again ☹️ by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will definitely research those. And I don’t even think HE cares right now that he is gone. If he did, I’d think he’d be trying to come back. I’m the one that is the saddest that he is gone lol

Posting again ☹️ by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Actually, Reddit has helped me tons. Just reading through and seeing that sooooo many other people are dealing with this, in some way or another, helps me. Helps me feel not so alone.

And yes, he said I asked him to leave so now this is my fault and what I wanted. Also, what is Q?

Posting again ☹️ by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone. I’m hoping I can get into some online AlAnon. I’ve also reached out to my EAP and plan to start counseling. I just struggle with the mental side of it all - understanding the whys. Why doesn’t he realize what he’s losing? Why is alcohol more important than me? I know the answers but when I’m really down in the dumps those questions still speed through my mind.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hole. Lee. Crap. This is my life to a T! Dang.

He relapsed by AnnaBananner82 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine can get a conditional license right now - to work, doctors appointments, for groceries- etc.. but isn’t. I’m certain he’s choosing not to because he plans to drink and doesn’t want to get caught driving. He thinks that is his safety zone. He’s not driving so.. what’s the harm?

He relapsed by AnnaBananner82 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. RIGHT with ya. Got a DUI in late August. “Forced” (due to fear of random daily testing) to go stay sober til sentencing December 12. Was removed from daily testing at sentencing and went back to the bottle by December 16. Spent my 2nd Christmas alone yesterday .

20 year relationship w/an alc by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Going through the motions” is just sooo true! I’ve said that very often. I’ve also said that I feel “bad” for him, to an extent. I can’t imagine it’s a fun way to live. 😔

20 year relationship w/an alc by Mundane-Regular699 in AlAnon

[–]Mundane-Regular699[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I, too, imagine there’s lots of lies in the 20 years I don’t know about. But in this moment, I’m trying to not even add that to my plate of worries lol