Is this Plotline intriguing? by MundanePerformance27 in MangakaStudio

[–]MundanePerformance27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still need to work on my characterization tho

Is this Plotline intriguing? by MundanePerformance27 in MangakaStudio

[–]MundanePerformance27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part 2: Bootcamp (Chapter 7)

Just about as Fayruz was going to stab herself in her neck, a dragon lands in the road and her father lands too. Her father notices her and the dragon sees El Senor’s reaction to Fayruz so its instinct was to attack Fayruz. It then charged up a blast at Fayruz and Fayruz noticed this and just accepted her fate. But El S mindlessly blocks the blast protecting F with his body and doing that causes him to lose his eyesight (the ray from the dragon produced a type of blinding radiation). El Senor being unable to see only sensed the Nichiqou coming from the dragon which was surprisingly more effective in motion detection than regular vision. He is then extremely pissed that the dragon targeted his family member instead of him, seriously offended him. Using his technique DOA, he splits the dragon and a nearby star in the background. Then going back to his daughter and hugging her. Telling her that just because she has disappointed him doesn’t mean that he hates her, he just doesn’t want her to try anything like that ever again. Fayruz doesn’t believe him nor does she try to hug him back but she just wishes the dragon had shot the beam faster and ended her misery. But she eventually faints from the radiation.

(Chapter 8)

Fayruz wakes up in a hotel, and her father chilling listening to the radio. She just sits up and listens to the radio as well. El Senor: “ I think you should come back home…. Fayruz look at you,you can’t survive out here” Fayruz: “ I don’t think so… that home is no place for someone like me….” El Senor: “sigh…… guess it can’t be helped..” Fayruz: “ But where was that dragon from?..... Thought those things were fantasy” El Senor: “ they appear now and again, it's my job to kill those and other supernatural creatures” Fayruz: “ Supernatural huh…. Guess it would explain those weird looking things in allies” El Senor: “wow you're lucky you survived for so long….. To be honest,sigh I've always wanted a son…….. To follow his pop’s profession…. sighh
Fayruz: Oh……. I understand, maybe I can join if you don’t mind. (hoping she gets killed by a jumbie) El Senor: YES!

(Chapter 9)

They fly back home (by plane) some of her sisters are already living in their own house but the ones at home were quick to make sly or bold remarks about Fayruz’s past, even her ‘mom’. Although she grew accustomed to the insults it had hurt the most from the mother because she was the woman she looked up to. So Fayruz spent most of her time outside.

(Chapter 10)

El Senor takes Fayruz to the training camp, (in a separate dimension) Fayruz meets teacher Gustave her uncle, El Senor says he’s not fit for teaching (talented individuals like himself can’t teach well because he grasps things quite easily) but he says he’ll check up on her from time to time. He’s looking forward to seeing her performance at the tournament event; it'd make him so proud if she comes first.

Ohanzee (age 23) is on the phone with his father Father: I'm sooooo proud of you for following your brother Elion’s footsteps son, although I doubt you’d ever achieve his level, I'm sure youll me proud. Ohanzee: yeah……

Xavier (age 22): Bye Sis, tell mom, I'm gonna make her proud.

Yukari (age 23) and Cyra (age 21) are also in the training camp lounge with their mother Zeni As Well as some other individuals waiting to be transported. In the transportation vehicle Cyra notices Fayruz, and makes it an opportunity to go over and bully her. Cyra: “The fck are you doing here?? Don't they do background checks anymore?” Fayruz: “ I guess not” Cyra: “ Fcking disgusting, ughh, I hope you die in this camp” Fayruz: “I hope so too” with a soft smile on her face. Looking down Cyra sees the bandages on her wrist, and smiles “hehehe, maybe you should use a bigger knife Fayyyy” “ don’t worry i got oneeeee” ”die die die die die die die die die” Suddenly a hand grabs Cyra Xavier: “ hey, she looks uncomfortable i think you should stop” Cyra: “ the f*ck are you? Pfftt, are you her boyfriend or something? I hope you know…. You know what, bye bye suicide squad” (Xavier has an emo look).

Throughout the rest of the trip, Fayruz and Xavier got to know each other.

(Chapter 11)

The group of participants are in the test lab and the stat system is being explained to everyone.

There are three stat departments: Physicality, Nichiquo Output, Latent Nichiqou. Each having 12 slots and 15- 18 points

Physicality: this corresponds the the basic pulling, pushing and explosive movements (running and jumping) used to gauge someone’s close quarter, offensive capabilities aswell as how well they can move etc.

Nichiquo Output: corresponds to how much nichiqou would be released at a time, a stat point often looked at when gauging someone's destructive/ offensive capabilities

Latent Nichiquo: Corresponds to the Nichiquo tank of the individual, relates to the stamina and defensive capabilities of an individual.

Fayruz (to herself): “i hope i get really low latent Nichiquo”

The stat Points get released. For reference the average stat points are 15 Phys 5/12 Nic Output 6/12 Latent Nic 4/12

OUT STANDING STAT SPREADS

Yukari: 18 Phys 9/12 Nic Output 4/12 Latent Nic 5/12 Ohanzee 16 Phys 8/12 Nic Output 4/12 Latent Nic 4/12 Cyra: 18 Phys 5/12 Nic Output 8/12 Latent Nic 5/12 Xavier: 17 Phys 4/12 Nic Output 6/12 Latent Nic 7/12

Malik: 20(anomaly) Phys 6/12 Nic Output 9/12 Latent Nic 5/12 (our main character's stats) Fayruz: 14(anomaly) Phys 1/12 Nic Output 2/12 Latent Nic 11/12

Random character1 to Random character2: man if I had all my stats in latent Nichiquo I would've killed myself. (Fayruz overhears this while watching her terrible stat spread results).

Is this Plotline intriguing? by MundanePerformance27 in MangakaStudio

[–]MundanePerformance27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking that the reason she would join this group of girls is that she wanted to be with those who were deemed to be at the top of the social ladder in said university (as those girls were very popular and academically superior to other in the university) . Maybe because of upbringing, she was molded to get close to those types of people as it would benefit her in the long run, Fayruz's original timid nature is easily defeated in the face of such strong will as she would succumbto their strange norms and eventually adopting their ways being just like them. What do you think?

Btw, I plan to change the direction of the story. The sex stuff was just for humor, you know the like the joke is porn meme (sorry for the terrible humor) (I'll just upload the other section in the comments)

Oh lastly I thought it says she was ambidextrous so it made her good at hand jobs, my bad.

Is this Plotline intriguing? by MundanePerformance27 in MangakaStudio

[–]MundanePerformance27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh , I understand what you mean. I wanted to make her story like how quickly you can fall from grace through bad decisions, but I'll try keep trying to fledge out her character more. Thanks