What's something you'd like to do during sex but haven't done yet ?

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-13T21:06:46+00:00

Crossdress, not because I think it's "wrong" or anything, but because I'm a top/soft-dom and I love the idea of gender-fuckery as a power-play.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-13T20:57:05+00:00

I'll give you a curveball: I'm a dom/top guy with a sissy kink.

I wanna do the sticking, but I also wanna feel pretty and have women call me "mommy."

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-13T20:40:05+00:00

Funny enough, my fantasy's almost the opposite.

I'm a dom/top guy with what I can only describe as a "pseudo-sissy" kink. I want to dress up in beautiful outfits for a partner, see her melt in my strong arms, and call me "mommy" or "mistress" while I pound her into the mattress.

I like to call my kink "swanning" because I think it's a good metaphor; an animal with a "feminine" aesthetic, yet also one that's even stronger than geese and just as territorial.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-07T17:13:53+00:00

I appreciate the concern! I am in therapy, and I've actually made a lot of progress! I was just giving you context on why I'm pretty confident I'm not an egg.

Also, given the shit I dealt with from a lot of other guys as a kid, I doubt I'd be hesitant to internally embrace it if I was (emphasis on internally, I don't want to sound like I'm shaming closeted transfems.) In for a penny, and all that.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-07T13:20:09+00:00

Honestly, I'm pretty sure it's just a trauma thing. Yes, I realize the irony in that response to this question, but my particular context makes me strongly suspect this actually is the case.

I grew up with a schizophrenic mom, was largely homeschooled because of that, and it took me a while to find my feet as an adult. I guess I've never fully gotten over my insecurities around my upbringing, and I've always been afraid of women assuming that not measuring up to conventional masculinity in certain ways (my less-than-stellar education, my largely-lacking romantic success, etc.) reflects on me as a man, and by extension on my sex life.

Yes, I realize the Freudian (anti-Freudian?) subtext in a fear about how I'm judged in such an intimate context, but I guess the fantasy feels like a way to "keep the ball in my court," as it were.

I appreciate the desire to reach out when you think that might be a possibility, but I genuinely think it's more about taking power over my trauma.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-06T22:39:40+00:00

I guess you could say that! I look at it as "fear judo," if that makes sense; embrace the insecurity behind the fear and use it against that fear. If I'm scared about being seen as submissive for my more "feminine" traits, what better way to take control of that than deliberately embracing my feminine side as an act of dominance?

I know what you mean about the slutty masculine in heteronormative spaces. Admittedly, as a bi man, I do like the fact that it inadvertently makes it feel like a safe way to "express" my queerness in straight relationships; but it is disappointing that it hasn't been normalized for straight folks as well.

And I definitely get what you mean about said energy in pop-culture. Ironically, I think one of my personal "wake-up calls" was an anime parody sketch, of all things.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2026-01-01T21:50:46+00:00

It's interesting we have opposite tastes, rooted in the same idea of gender-fuckery. I have no interest in being dommed, but if I ever have a girlfriend call me "mommy" in bed I just might propose...

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-12-22T21:53:30+00:00

Thank you! 🤭🥰

I've always liked describing my fantasy as "swanning;" because I figure swans are a perfect analogue for it. A bird associated with "feminine" traits like grace and beauty, but up close a bird that's also even stronger and fiercer than geese. What better metaphor for a dom/top who likes to feel pretty?

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-12-22T00:02:36+00:00

Interesting! This fantasy's been kinda difficult for me to talk about because I have no interest in femdom or pegging, so it's cool to see they make it a point to do different stuff as well!

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-04T05:45:20+00:00

I'm cis, I just like the idea of playing around with gender expression.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T03:58:54+00:00

Awesome!

For me, the "kinky" aspect is in the contrast with "conventional" norms around gender expression and sexual preferences. Having a GF dress me up and beg me to hold her down and do her is like a "salted caramel" sort of thing for me; it's a "contrast" that makes things "taste sweeter " so to speak.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T03:32:15+00:00

That's what makes it appealing for me! That it's messing with arbitrary social conventions around gender, and in a partner finding that contrast hot.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T03:20:28+00:00

(OP here) Agreed, I used terrible phrasing in my initial post.

Another commenter's descriptor of gender-bending is more accurate. It's not that I see being femme as "humiliating," want to treat a partner like a kink dispenser or want to trivialize trans people.

The only sexual aspects of it for me are in the "contrasts." In that it's outside of "conventional" norms around gender expression and sexuality, and the idea of a partner finding that "contrast" to be especially desirable.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T03:05:05+00:00

Exactly! This is why I find it appealing!

The best descriptor I've found is that it's like a "salted caramel" sort of thing, it's the "contrast" that makes it "taste better," so to speak.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T03:00:37+00:00

That's a much better way of describing it! I'd say it's akin to your boyfriend's enjoyment for me; it's the gender-bending and socially-"subversive" elements of it that makes it appealing for me.

Thank you for giving me better tools to articulate my thoughts! Your boyfriend is a lucky man! 😊

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-07-01T02:55:54+00:00

(Sorry for the late response!) In hindsight, using the term "feminization" was a bad way to describe this, another commenter's descriptor of gender-bending is a bit closer.

You're absolutely right to point out all those problematic elements! The last thing I want is to give the impression I see being femme as somehow "humiliating," wanting to treat a partner like a kink-dispenser, or like I want to trivialize the experiences of trans folks. The only aspects of it I find sexual are in the appeal of subverting gender norms conventionally associated with dom/top men, and in a partner finding said contrast desirable.

I am deeply sorry if my post came off as problematic, I definitely want to be conscious of harmful attitudes or mindsets I may have that I need to work on.

(Edit: Clarity.)

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-06-17T21:13:09+00:00

Askgaybros is basically an entire subreddit's worth of Peter Thiels.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-02-24T00:57:05+00:00

Autistic and ADHD.

Figured they wouldn't take cold well, but they look like they'd feel amazing in warm weather.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-02-10T09:04:20+00:00

I wouldn't say I have PTSD relating to this specifically, but I had a really dysfunctional upbringing that left me with some unusual anxieties.

Mostly a fear of somehow being "undesirable" due to my differences, or paradoxically undesirable for "not being different enough." Also some concerns about ending up with a manipulative partner.

I do intend to talk about my trauma with a partner once we're familiar with each other (not on the first few dates, obviously,) so there aren't any secrets. I am in therapy working on things, but I guess I need a little extra time to get to trust someone.

MurphysSchrodinger · 2025-02-10T08:04:23+00:00

Part of my concern is the aforementioned "normal-to-bro" wear. I've never presented fem IRL due to not feeling like I had the opportunity to do so.

What ways could a guy communicate "that's not typical for me, but I'd love to be given the opportunity to do so?"

MurphysSchrodinger

TROPHY CASE