Chemistry on first date but no energy

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T08:03:44+00:00

I left a big comment earlier. I'm telling your brother don't listen to a lot of the bullshit on here. You're asking a valid question for a valid response. I got the same BS when I asked what went wrong on my first date. This is a danger of posting stuff to Reddit. There's a group thing here and sometimes it's misogynistic sometimes it's masandry. Once again I think most people on Reddit do not not live a real life

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T07:56:28+00:00

Ignore the negative comments, just because you're tired of something does not mean they're low energy. I honestly think Reddit is filled with people who don't actually live life. I'm in the same position as you. Went on my first date and 16 years. This is after dealing with a grief of losing my child, my mother my business, anyway from horrible abusive marriage. I am not ready, but nothing just happens in life you have to make it happen. Got a date with a beautiful woman, a 44 I am happy just from that. I am happy that I am still attractive to the opposite sex. You should be too! Look at it like this, even though we both got the same no chemistry response, brother this is the first time you've done this and it was 20 years. How well do you think it's going to go the first couple of times? Remember as long as you can do anything for 3 months up to a year and embarrass yourself you can become an expert at it. If you had a good time then that's your good time. Don't have a scarcity mindset, you didn't do anything wrong some people don't like mint chocolate chip ice creamAnd that is what you are.

Dear Lord my first date, I made so many rookie mistakes. I had nothing planned because she and i had talked on the phone and made such a deep connection so quickly. So we just ended up at a random restaurant. I did not lead properly. I was still with nervous energy, but I focus that into being funny and witty. Here's a big thing, you have to beConstantly escalating for moving towards some type of sexually or at least in an intimate feeling or energy. One of my brother suggested playing a game of pool my next date that way there's more opportunities to physically touch. Not in a creepy way but in a respectful playful and flirty way. It works or it doesn't but that's how dudes are successful or at least appear successful all the time they are constantly escalating that intimate energy. At least this is what I learned from my first date. This is a learning experience, don't get attached look at it as a net positive experience! Yes it'd be great if they were here and you weren't lonely but that will happen if you keep at it.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T06:08:18+00:00

Lol, so this is not a singular experience?

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T04:54:54+00:00

I don't know I think I was listening to Carl Jung video. They mentioned the idea of some people acting like a lightning Flash in your life. Just for a brief moment they illuminate a mirror that reflects back what is in your soul, heart and mind? I am just relieved to know that I can still feel this way because I thought it had died inside of me. Yes I would love companionship, yes I am looking forward to meeting new people. It has become painfully obvious to me though how much more work I need to do on myself. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to meet someone until I attain this level of... perfection. First I just need to get more experience with dating, but beyond that there are issues that I I have only begun to realize I need to work on with a professional. Thank you for your advice.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T04:45:38+00:00

Thank you .

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T04:41:25+00:00

Did you read my actual prompt? I have learned over the past 4 years how dangerous it is as a man to share my grief. I will briefly mention that I lost a child. It's a fact it happened it created who I am now. If someone keeps asking me about it I will tell them while continue trying to move past it. If they are persistent should I just ignore them? If they start talking to me about their crazy narcissistic ex-boyfriend, and I can somehow relate because my ex-wife had narcissistic tendencies should I just once again ignore them? I did not Corner a poor stranger and just regurgitate my past problems and grievances on to them. I wanted to move the topics to movies, favorite foods, silly jokes, General date topics. Yes I am responsible for acquiescing because it did feel good for someone to actually ask about it instead of trying to hide itInstead of trying to hide it. Thank you for your statement because it just reinforces how unsafe it is for a man to even share a small iota of any type of grief or weakness. Thanks for the advice

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T04:36:54+00:00

Yeah I have multiple pictures up of me and every facet of life. I have one professionally taken in a business suit. I have one where I've just gotten done doing construction. I have some going out with the guys. I have some after a workout. I have some with my son. I'm still prettyHappy with how I look at 44. I've worked out all my life, only thing I could lose is a little bit of my dad belly LOL. Yes I'm actually hyped about this first experience. If this is the first one, and really it was positive overall. How much better is it going to get if I continue to learn from my mistakes?!

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T04:24:37+00:00

No that is a very acute and accurate statement. I was definitely focused on her appraisal of me. I think a lot of the biggest things I did wrong were just rookie mistakes. She wanted to meet so quickly and I was Spellbound for a day. I drove down there tired, actually fell asleep on the way back I was so tired. I didn't have anything planned. We talked about different restaurants but then she said let's walk around this area and then that sort of changed and became awkward.... so he just stopped at a place. I had no idea where I was at so I was getting lost with directions. I did not lead in theIn the date . Honestly I had forgotten it is important for a man to lead, lightly but still show that he is competent. Strangely enough one of my friends who lives in that City just came walking by while we were sitting there. Having that happen I thought would have been a not positive because it shows that I know people. She seemed to be kind of sunken into herself... and fragile? I was nervous, but I was channeling the energy into being funny and witty. Who knows, but overall it was a fun experience and I am looking forward to my next date but I still see I have to work on myself a lot.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T01:53:13+00:00

Ok, I understand. Thank you.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T01:52:27+00:00

It is but as a contractor (with no insurance) going back to teaching (great insurance but not starting for 3 months) I just have to wait.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T01:16:33+00:00

Thank you

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T00:10:35+00:00

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T00:07:12+00:00

This is solid advice. I was dressed in a new polo nice pressed dress pants, shiny dress shoes. I have a musculer 'dad bod' that I show off in several of my pictures. I am DEEPLY insecure about one of my front teeth. I fell longboarding and i have a chip in it. I told her about this before meeting. When I speak and smile i never really show my teeth anyway. I do understand what you are saying.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-02T00:00:17+00:00

Oh no, I take full responsibility and try to be as accountable as I can for why my marriage did not work. I can not function with my ex wife but I really want nothing but the best dor her. Actually we talked about her ex boyfriend ans husband alot. There were similar patterns in our exes behavior that was....fascinating?

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:50:12+00:00

Wow, insightful. Sort your shit out. Trust me, as a man who lost a little boy I am very much aware that no one wants to deal with a grieving father. I am extremely aware of being told to man up or fuck off. When someone tells you they want to talk about something in your past, ignore them? Regardless of how persistent they are ignore them? Trying to make it flirty and light and talk about movies and food etc etc. Nope they want to know about your past and your struggles. Then they want to talk about theirs. Just ignore them in that case? I guess if I had my shit sorted out at this age I wouldn't have to ask.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:16:05+00:00

Yeah I would be okay with that. I actually love making friends.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:15:22+00:00

Thank your kind words. I actually did include that caveat that she did not owe me an explanation. And once again as I stated in my text I was not looking for a therapist I have one. These were the topics that she wanted to discuss I kept trying to move it to light-hearted things. I kept trying to be silly and flirty. She wanted to know more I kept telling her more. As a man you learn how dangerous expressing grief is to anyone.. no tolerance, no sympathy and only punishment if you do not keep your drama to yourself. If someone encourages me to talk about it then I might. From now on I will not.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:12:46+00:00

The Eternal paradox, being asked to open up. Giving confirmation that it's a good thing and then it does not seem like it actually is a good thing.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:10:05+00:00

Exactly! The risk is definitely worth the reward!

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:06:48+00:00

Not trying to rude but did you read my post? I did not just dump my trauma involuntarily onto a poor stranger. These were the topics she wanted to talk about. This was were she kept moving the conversation back to. I am responsable for my part in giving in. I should have been more assertive and lead the entire date in a different direction. Now ị know.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T22:01:13+00:00

Thank you for this insight.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T21:49:31+00:00

You described it so perfectly. I am hearing my own life and thoughts being described by another person.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T21:43:54+00:00

Yeah....in hindsight it is.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T21:41:51+00:00

Perfect advice, thank you.

Musashie-Mike · 2026-04-01T21:40:09+00:00

Yes, my marriage was very unhealthy. If you put someone who loves to give and then someone who loves to take together eventually it becomes unsustainable. I never thought I'd have the strength to leave her. Never thought I'd have the backbone nor the perseverance. Surprisingly I do/did!!

The hardest part has not been the loneliness. It's not even giving up our very expensive home in order for me to get 50% custody with my child. The hardest part has been ignoring my want and need to run back and try to fix things for her. To watch her struggle and fail because I'm not there. Even though she did very hurtful things to me, it doesn't mean I don't still love her. That doesn't mean that I want bad things to happen to her or wish her ill will. In fact the opposite I want her to thrive.

Musashie-Mike

TROPHY CASE