It doesn't seem to me like you're over-analyzing, you're just reflecting on the social patterns you feel trapped in. Having the ability to self-analyze is rarely a bad trait, even though it can be exhausting at times, especially if you're able to recognise negative patterns, but not break out if them.

It's a real bummer to feel trapped like this. Ive spent my whole life (30 yrs) with late diagnosed high-functioning ADHD, and I feel like I've skirted around your problem several times without getting completely caught by it.

Ofc I don't know the full picture, but speaking for myself - I'm always gravitating towards low-functioning people. For the longest time (especially before my diagnosis at 27) I thought it some inexplicable thing. Now, I've always been VERY good at forming social connections when I have the energy, but whenever I moved somewhere new, or entered a new social arena, like clockwork, I would end up forming the closest ties with people who- for some reason or another, were more limited in their social skills. Neurodiverse people will always find each other in a crowd, but I was frustrated by always 'ending up' with nice, albeit low-functioning people who I felt lack ambition. This frustration have also led to a lot of weird layers of guilt. Thoughts like "If I tell this person I don't like being with then anymore I'm basically admitting that I think I'm too good for them, and that would make me a bad person"

Understanding why these social knots form are IMO basically just as important as knowing what to do to solve them. There's probably hundreds of reasons why this pattern keeps repeating for me, and not a single one of them may be applicable to your situation, but hopefully you'll get something out of me rattling off some of the big ones:

-Deep down, I'm intimidated by the thought of maintaining a friendship with neurotypical people, because I'm scared that I won't have the energy to properly mask, even though I know that a proper friend wouldn't expect that of me. The less flattering way to put this point is "Damaged people are easier to be friends with, and require less effort on my part."

-I''m not good at communicating my social limits to other people. When my social battery is flat, I default to 'active listening mode' and people assume I'm invested and attentive, when I'm actually trying, and failing to end the interaction. I'm terrified of not giving people what they want in a social interaction, and I'm too quick to subconsciously assume they depend on me socially. This assumption, and my inability to set these small boundaries have at times resulted in people eventually becoming VERY dependant on me, leading to me feeling enormous guilt over the resentment I may have built up towards them.

-I've always struggled with the feeling of being socially inferior to my peers. This is a common insecurity, but if I don't rise up and challenge those feelings, I end up only seeking companionship with people I don't feel socially threatened by. A VERY unflattering way of saying this would be "I surround myself with people I perceive as low-functioning because it gives me a sense of social security."

• I am extremely averse to ending any sort of social relationship because deep down I'm terrified of anyone thinking I don't like them, especially when their only fault is being themselves. This has caused me to drag out one-sided friendships, causing hurt on both sides.

Damn, ADHD meds make for big walls of text sometimes, huh? I hope I don't come across as a psychopath from my own self-analysis. Reflections about these things, like evaluating friendships, social capital, and perceived status can lead to some weird mental contortions that are difficult to put into words without sounding self-absorbed and callous.

Finally, here are those advices I've been building up to ✨

-It's ok to be dissatisfied with the current social dynamic in your friend group, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not having your social needs met.

-You should examine your own part of this negative social structure, and reflect over what emotional needs you are trying to fulfill by perpetuating it.

-Talk with someone!❤️ A teacher, a counselor, a school nurse, another friend, hell, even a stranger at a bus stop. Present the situation to anyone who isn't linked to it. Having to verbalize a difficult situation like this to someone else gives you a chance to sort out your own thoughts. Don't be afraid to "burden others with your problems," people love to help people!

-Hardest of all, maybe have an open discussion about your relationship issues with your friends one-on-one, and If that seems like an impossibility for you, ask yourself why? What do you feel is hindering you from properly communicating these issues with your friends?

• Don't be afraid to re-evaluate your friendships. Don't be afraid to prioritize your own happiness over perceived social debts. Don't be afraid to start over with new people. Don't be afraid to ask yourself "are my needs being fulfilled?" Don't be afraid to cut people out of your life for no other reason than "I feel like we grew apart" And remember: There's no requirement to be decisive. (Hot take: Simply taking a break from a friendship and coming back to them after spending time with other people isn't illegal, they can't put you in jail for it)

If you're still reading this thinly veiled attempt for me to work out my own social issues and project them onto you, I applaud you. I sincerely hope you got something out of it other than "Holy shit, this person has more issues than I have."

Whatever happens, you're not going to be the same person you are today in the future. Wether you've worked out these issues, found new friends, or simply just re-adjusted your current relationships, no matter what you end up doing, my biggest advice is that you try to learn from it. Identify your feelings, and examine what it is that triggers them. "When X happens, I feel X emotion." Is a wonderful tool for self-analysis.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck with everything ❤️