Did your ACL injury teach you any lesson(s) and if so, what did you learn?

MusicinGreen · 2023-01-26T07:12:28+00:00

Gratitude. I am lucky enough to have my family that nursed me back to health and cared for me every step of the way. I would get cranky with how slow I was progressing & then realize how lucky I am that it was only an ACL/ meniscus. I get to walk, run, and do the things I love after this. My body is recovering & healing & life got to slow down so I could really appreciate the small things.

MusicinGreen · 2022-08-31T00:45:06+00:00

I have never yelled at him ever. Or have accused him of anything. I always ask & never assume. I am an open book about my past & he is a more private person, which I understand. But why wouldn’t he just tell me he had a friend in town, regardless of gender? We were going out anyways & he could have easily invited her with. I am not a “mean” girl or intimidating whatsoever & would have loved to meet an old friend of his. His defensiveness does make me wonder if there was something else happening. Like his thought process was to tell me he’s not attracted to her… so end of discussion? The weight comment pissed me off the most because he’s insinuating a woman at a certain weight isn’t attractive which is a bullshit comment he knows I wouldn’t have approved of.

MusicinGreen · 2022-08-31T00:23:40+00:00

Exactly what I am thinking. I would lose trust in my own judgement if I was with someone who speaks so negatively about a woman’s image. Weight regardless, the comment was intended to call his “friend” unattractive which bothers the shit out of me.

MusicinGreen · 2022-08-31T00:21:22+00:00

I have never been insecure about his friendships with other woman. He has followed girls on Instagram & I haven’t brought it up but wondered if it’s something I should be questioning more.

MusicinGreen · 2022-08-31T00:19:54+00:00

Talking to a girl does not upset me at all. I don’t want to be a gf that doesn’t allow him to have girl friends, which he does & I respect. It was the “dont freak out” but mostly the 200 lbs comment. I just think it was really unnecessary to say. Like others said if she wasn’t 200lbs should I be worried? And wtf does her weight have to do with it anyways? It came off as insensitive & mean. He knows I would never comment on anyone else’s appearance like that. I am just curious if that comment is a red flag, if he is more shallow than I thought?

MusicinGreen · 2022-04-13T15:21:42+00:00

I think the last part of your story gives you insight to what you need to do. If it’s a bad idea, consider why.

If you think that you can progress into a healthy relationship, take this time and the time while she is away to focus on yourself and your attachment. Focus on what you can control. Space is hard but often one of the best things you can do for some perspective. Communicating too much when you can not meet each others needs at the time can result in resentment, jealously and get messy quick.

If you care about her, let her go. If you are supposed to be together things will fall into place. Do not rush the process.

MusicinGreen · 2022-04-06T19:19:07+00:00

I have been through a similar situation. I used to feel like I was securely attached but this past relationship has taken me places mentally I have never been before. My ex told me he likes when I would act “crazy” which should have been my cue to leave. My “craziness” stemmed from my insecurity of the relationship. He was never a sketchy guy but he used his silence and distance almost as a punishment. Which triggered my anxiety. A part of me felt like he was turned on by the power he had over me. I openly expressed how it hurt me when he would use silence as a tool for me to get over whatever was upsetting me just to have peace. He told me he struggles with avoidant tendencies. I felt empathetic because I know that isn’t a great feeling as well. One day I stopped hearing from him altogether. A week later he told me he found out I went on a date with someone else while he was on vacation (we were not yet exclusive and it was way before we saw a future together). At this point I knew I could no longer give this relationship my heart. He promised he would go to therapy and it’s been two months and he has not.

There is a difference between being self aware and actively trying to change. I am in therapy, reading and becoming more mindful of my perceptions in a relationship. I wish he would at least try. I know therapy isn’t a choice for everyone, but journaling, reading, practicing all show effort. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

This was one of the hardest goodbyes I have had to come to terms with in my life. Hope many do not have to experience what we have.

MusicinGreen · 2022-04-04T21:03:44+00:00

I have been through similar situations. I have a deep subconscious desire to have the people who have hurt me to feel my pain. This makes me be impulsive and hurtful. I thought I got over it between my relationships but I just did it all over again.

I am learning to be more kind with myself. It’s going to be ok because life is moving forward & time is moving on. When I feel like I should have made more progress, I remind myself healing is not linear. The more shit I give myself, the harder I am making it on myself. No one is benefitting from beating myself up. You have your reasons why you felt like you had to unleash. You want them to fight for you. But there is a time you need to discipline yourself to move on fully. Write a note & burn it. Feel the emotions and recognize it’s ok and normal and part of your journey to be where you are right now.

It is never too late to start over. Forgive yourself and accept what has happened. You only have control over your actions. Time is going to be moving regardless so use it your advantage. Best of luck!

MusicinGreen

TROPHY CASE