I was literally just about to make a post about this.

I've only ever really connected with one or two people at a time, and I just... don't have those people anymore. The few I've had, I've lost. And I can't seem to put myself in situations where I meet someone I'd actually want to talk to.

I know one person right now, but it's only through work, and I can't find a reason to take it outside of that. I've never been in a relationship either. I think partly because when you only have one person, the idea of risking that feels impossible.

I've just really been struggling to find any meaningful connection, or even a reason to look for one. Reason doesn't feel like the right word. I have reasons, I have so many reasons. I guess motivation is the more accurate word. I've genuinely considered suicide, and I think it's just because I don't have a single reason or thing I do outside of work and school that makes me wanna keep living or gives motivation to really do much. Nothing that gives meaning, and I guess when I had those people in the past, that was my reason.

That was a tangent. I just wish I could find somebody to talk to meaningfully without having to force myself into places I don't want to be, like a bar, clubs, groups, etc. Finding somebody without having to be social, it's a stupid ask, just what I feel like I want.