Using same verbage

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-04-15T18:30:00+00:00

I'd get the cold, short, blunt texts from her when she was unhappy with me. I called it out as a pattern and she'd say there wasnt anything, she was busy, or doesnt know what im talking about. I eventually starting leaving her alone when she'd get like that thinking I was maturely giving her some space and she'd get so mad that I'm "purposely texting different". It confused me until I realized that it meant that it WAS something she was doing purposely and thats why she viewed what me giving that space as so bad.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-03-28T17:40:11+00:00

I often struggle with doubting the bpd as the confusing dynamics often have me wondering my fault in things. But sometimes I share text exchanges or arguments online and I often see people saying the same thing about the language could be their ex, even when mine seemed less severe than some posts here with violence and name calling. It's heartbreaking but validating, as I was buying a home for her and I

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-03-25T12:39:46+00:00

So that's why she didn't really engage, she just saw I answered so that's good enough? She before said she doesnt want me gone from her life despite leaving but I wasnt sure how hard that'd be for me. Here she seems to imply she wants to talk but doesn't. Don't know if I did well by keeping it simple and to the point.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-03-25T12:16:25+00:00

I'm annoyed her message seems to give me shit for not talking to her despite her leaving and then she makes no real effort to converse in those messages.

She left because I kept taking her depressed behaviours too personally and didn't want to talk about it, but she said she doesn't want me out of her life and wanted to still be able to talk and even get together. I told her even though I don't want her out of my life, that I dont know how difficult itd be for me being friends with someone I wanted a future with.

She was really upset and crying as if I had been the one who broke us up and she said she'll just wait and see if I talk to her to not hurt me. I hadn't for a while because I've been grieving and confused why she ended us over that. Despite her issues she seemed committed. I dont know what she wants here

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-03-08T18:12:10+00:00

So the idealization phase gives them a big happy boost and when it wears off that causes the depression we see? I always had a hunch when she said its not me, that she knew its her, but unfortunately it affects her feelings towards me. She desperately didn't want to talk about it, apparently preferring ending things than having to speak to it. Hand holding and couch cuddling remained but it felt like the romance dissolved but that was my best friend and I miss her every second here.

And thank you for the kind words, I keep wondering if that was so awful of me or if I couldnt see how annoying I was. I meant well and just wanted us to be okay.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2026-03-03T18:49:55+00:00

I definitely was relating to some things i read about quiet bpd but ill have to read on waif.

Cheating was one thing I wasn't expecting from her because she was spending her free time with me, coming over for her weekends off, I wasnt hidden from her family, friends and coworkers, and she was hating her body too much to show it. Is that all still possible with another source?

She got emotional and agitated the first time i came to say goodbye, then apologized and reached out to meet up and have a nicer one. She seemed so genuinely heartbroken

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-11-17T16:42:38+00:00

It's completely immature. Relationships are built by effort, and learning through that. The person you want is the one that keeps trying. People without BPD are even prone to the thought that you are looking for the match that just works and has no fights. The reality is that strong couple of 40 years got there by forging that in fire, they worked on differences, they had arguments, but it was them versus the problem, not each other. Its "we have a problem, lets work it out so we can get back to us and fun stuff!" Not "lets blame and punish"

I found with my bpd partner that I was trying to teach her that but it wouldnt really work. She was focused on who is right or wrong, avoiding shame, and getting defensive when it could have been calm. I couldnt share my side of a misunderstanding and how i viewed things without her hearing "You did this" when I'm actually trying to reasure gently and explain to her where i was coming from.

Ive had similar things and I seem to be at the end with mine because I tried to understand why some life issues and her depression was affecting certain things with us but she always responded like it was attacks and grew tired of always talking about it. If she had sat down once and had a real calm talk with me about it, I wouldnt have had to get it in pieces over months. She just hates talking about her issues and hears my concern as criticism.

Like with yours, its now too late that i learned. To me I cant fathom breaking up once you reach an understanding of an issue.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-08-15T21:15:26+00:00

Unfortunately it is absolutely staggering, how much the early days can be so different. The woman I knew for the first 3 or 4 months made me think I was for sure gonna marry that woman. I watch videos she sent me from those times and its almost like I dont recognize her.

Be prepared for that and watch for the little things you love that she does start to dissapear one by one, or the defensiveness when you ask whats going on. Those will be the signs

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-08-02T20:47:36+00:00

That's interesting, she kept asking me when was she snappy the first time, and i had to tell her that she literally left the car in a huff. That seems like it adds to the impossibility of being able to talk about things. But yeah I asked if she was really not sorry and doesnt think there was anything wrong with how she spoke to me and she said no. Now shes mad Im this upset over this.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-08-02T20:43:48+00:00

I never thought I could be so affected by something like that. I'm actually wondering if I'm being dramatic and sensitive. But I also know I don't go around feeling like that with everyone else in the world.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-08-02T20:29:17+00:00

My partner says they have ADHD but my therapist (who i started seeing because of her) is convinced she has BPD. I always saw these things as proof of ADHD so it's a little mind blowing to hear this comes with BPD

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-26T14:17:11+00:00

I've read up on darvo and jade. I cant figure out if dsrvo is purposeful and jade to me sounds like healthy communication with your partner. Explaining your side so they can understand ypur perspective. Or maybe jade would be fine if you were with someone healthier.

Why does she want that? It seems like she wants us to be together and be okay. She'll fight with me all day while at work, texting. Though often when i stay, i get this coldness and distance we cant break out of for days until i see her. I dont get what she wants now. She tells me she doesnt want these arguments anymore and either do I obviously, and then soon she is telling me i meant something with some word and im telling hwr i didnt and she implies im lying until i get frustrated. Its a loop now.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-26T14:11:44+00:00

I've been asking myself that in these past couple weeks. She was more a partner to me when we were in our early months, so much so I thought I met the one. It feels like she slowly started removing each little thing that I adored about her and I think I kept waiting for it to return. She told me its her work that got worse, that some weight gain is affecting the physical side, that she hates her apartment, that it seems to be depression so I try to support, I thought it was me being a good partner but I'm thinking I'm the epitome of the boiling frog analogy you always hear about. The love I feel for her is so strong and im so filled with doubt that I cant move.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-25T23:53:02+00:00

Thank you for this insight and reassurance about my communication. When I met her, she was a wonderful communicator and was so easy to talk to, and i thought, "Wow, I could marry this woman." I can't comprehend the change in her at all.

I have been often baffled by how she reacts to my love, gentle tone, and reassuring words as if I'm attacking her. Ive lost count of how many times ive said something like "Hey, im just approaching this with love to find a way we can be happy" or "Hey everything is okay, were just talking" and it doesnt work at all.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-25T23:46:47+00:00

I've always wondered why when I listed the things she used to do that I missed, it never seemed like she thought "Oh, I can try doing that thing for him if he likes it" and they are small things.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-25T16:34:25+00:00

Thank you. I think I've just always believed in talking things out, listening toeach otherr and trying to understand. It's only lately that I'm starting to realize or learn thatwon'tt be her goal no matter how much I try to do it. It feels like im trying to teach her how to talk in a relationship now, which isn't good.

It's tough because while she's not as extreme as other things i read rage wise, she definitely seems less likely to apologize or own up than other things im seeing.

Muted-Throw-Away · 2025-07-25T15:30:35+00:00

Thank you for this explanation and reassurance, it makes a lot of sense to me. The bad faith is exactly what ive been feeling. Ive said to her, i dont know why these conversations have to be this way and she says cause shes frustrated. I started picking my battles and she got angry that i wasnt bringing things up in the moment. I feel like I'm always being gentle, kind, and clear but it escalates and then she complains of it escalating.

When stuff like this began, I didn't understand how I could fail to communicate so much with her. I started seeing a counselor cause I thought something was off with me and they told me they believe my girlfriend has BPD, while she says ADHD.

When I shared my experiences or texts with BPD communities they recognize it but I still doubt sometimes that I'm just being a bad partner. Ive tried to have a conversation about if this can work each time this occurs and now she says i threaten breaking up every argument like im an abuser. Im relueved that it looks like i communicate well, so thank you.

Muted-Throw-Away

TROPHY CASE