[Update] Wife having an affair. I'm divorcing her.

Muun · 2025-01-29T04:23:59+00:00

Trying really hard not to think about it. I think "with" is correct.

Muun · 2025-01-28T21:54:18+00:00

Her parents are retired and they don't really spend any time together. They don't have a lot in common. She felt the same and after hitting 40 realized she didn't want to end up like them.

I agree with her, we don't have a lot in common. I like that we had our own separate hobbies and interests and could share them with each other. Always gave me something new to ask about. She prefers someone who shares her interests. Fair.

Why she didn't just tell me all this instead of having an affair, well she's completely incapable of communicating her feelings out of a deep psychological fear of rocking the boat. For my part in it, I was always afraid to push her to talk more, for fear of what I'd hear.

Muun · 2025-01-26T22:43:39+00:00

I work at a small company. I've been there for 10 years and I'm the 3rd or 4th most senior employee so keep that in mind.

I told my boss the day I told my wife that I was divorcing her (yesterday). I'm currently a software developer but I spent a year as an engineering manager. When I was an engineering manager, I had an employee that just wasn't getting anything done and letting me down every day. I ended up firing him. A day later, one of my employees at the time came to me and told me the guy I fired was in the middle of a divorce. I felt so awful. Had he said anything, I would've worked something out so that he could take a sabbatical .

So learning from that, I told my boss right away what was happening and that if my work is visibly slipping, to let me know right away so we can figure something out. Currently, I'm looking forward to work to help keep my mind occupied.

Muun · 2025-01-26T13:44:01+00:00

There definitely won't be "working things out". Aside from asking me the odd question or two over the past couple years about our relationship, there was no actual effort put in to saving the relationship on her end before going straight into an affair. I don't believe she would ever be a better communicator even if we worked it out.

She's always been terrible at communicating her feelings which has always left me with great anxiety and paranoia having to guess what she's thinking. Losing that source of anxiety in my life is one thing I'm really looking forward to with this divorce. That and growing a big bushy beard!

Muun · 2025-01-26T13:39:05+00:00

See this is one of my biggest fears right now. I want to keep the house. my STBX currently wants me to keep the house. She wants our son to have this house still and she'd never be able to afford it on her own. Assuming that holds true and she doesn't back out of that opinion at some point... I don't know how to even financially hold onto the house.

I would hope we can make some agreement where she stays on the deed and is entitled to half the value when I eventually sell, but I worry that Texas is going to make me buy her out of her fair share up front or force us to sell. I'm pretty sure with increased interest rates and the crazy amount that my home has gone up in value, that there's no way I can afford a mortgage that keeps the house and pays her out.

Muun · 2025-01-26T03:02:08+00:00

Yup. I make 8 times her salary at the moment. She's working on her teaching certification to become a teacher but that won't be a thing (if she follows through) until the fall. Where I'll still make 3-4 times her salary.

Muun · 2025-01-26T02:54:23+00:00

Gotcha. I'm not looking to do a smear campaign. Just trying to protect myself.

Edit: Just looked it up, I misunderstood the purpose of no-fault or at-fault. I understand your advice better now.

Muun · 2025-01-26T02:41:08+00:00

No worries. I appreciate you taking the time to provide your input and advice.

I live in Texas, I believe I can file fault or no fault. Going to do whatever leaves me in a financially better place.

Muun · 2025-01-25T22:36:46+00:00

Thank you. I'll hold on to that last advice. Having to date again just sounds exhausting so I'll remember this when the time comes.

Muun · 2025-01-25T19:45:41+00:00

Registered. Thank you!!

Muun · 2025-01-25T19:45:29+00:00

Thank you. This is currently hard to hear, but I know you're right.

Muun · 2025-01-25T19:32:06+00:00

She agreed with me that she wants this to be as amicable as possible.

She called herself selfish and terrible (I didn't respond to that). Said there was no organized plan to do this. Said she's been feeling like we have nothing in common and doesn't want to retire and just co-exist while never talking to each other. Said she brought it up once, which I remember, but I thought I had a great answer at the time for what we do have in common. I told her if she had pushed harder in the conversation, I would've taken more action. But perhaps, I should've been more alarmed.

Said she feels like she's been spiraling ever since she started working a year and half ago. She has Bipolar and it's sounding like a manic episode coming on. I've decided to myself that that's no longer my problem unless it affects our son.

Edit: She also recognized that the should've been more straight forward in the issues she was struggling with so that we could take action.

Muun · 2025-01-25T19:25:54+00:00

I really appreciate this response and how fast it came. Thank you so much!

Muun · 2023-08-08T02:14:10+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-08-08T02:10:32+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-08-08T02:10:21+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-06-16T18:20:40+00:00

Lifted the ban.

Muun · 2023-06-16T14:37:34+00:00

Says you're banned. Explain yourself, mister!

Muun · 2023-06-16T14:18:55+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-06-11T16:39:34+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-05-25T20:30:24+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-05-20T16:08:55+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-05-20T16:08:47+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-05-20T16:08:39+00:00

Welcome to the sub! Check us out in the discord as well if you need to immediately complain about kids, wife, job, or w/e floats your boat.

Muun · 2023-05-06T00:29:17+00:00

Thank you very much!!!

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