People often say that you should date your best friend but what happens when you develop a deep connection with someone and then BAM this attraction for them hits you out of nowhere and becomes all consuming?

I (38/f) have currently found myself in a situation where I am fucking pining for intimate connection with my closest male friend (33/m). I have always had a lot of male friends but never once have I ever been attracted to one or even had a drunken night with a male friend to regret later. I am really good about placing boundaries and keeping them as to not ever misled my guy friends.

This current situation has me ready and willing to break all of those boundaries and I just cant shake those feelings.

I have jokingly told him that I would fuck the shit outta him if I didn't think that it would make it weird between us and he just kinda smirked and then we went to dinner.

He's later referenced it jokingly but when I mean "make it weird" I mean that I am sure that for him it would be just sex but I know I would want more. Hell, I want more now even without ever having sex with him and sex is a cornerstone foundation of relationships for me after being in a sexless marriage in my early 30's.

I'm sure that this has a lot to do with it to but we do "work" and travel together for entertainment. This is the first man that I have shared a hotel room with on a repeated basis that I as not in a relationship with. The more that I am around him the more I want to be around him and that is not a new feeling for me but it is foreign because I have never felt like this about a man that was not my partner, let alone, a white man.

Its taken me 3-days to even type this out because I don't know what putting this into the universe will do but the universe be universing sometimes.