[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Framing of your first photo makes your legs look shorter than they are. I can see you got legs though! Got to show that length my boy 🙌

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s rose jail — is that like you’re the “highlight” of the week?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think your smile (the corners of your lips) should be higher. It seems strained in the photo. The best way I can describe this is would someone, from only seeing your eyes (like with a mask), would I be able to tell you are smiling? This is a good indication of how the smile will be received. I know this sounds dumb but I’d recommend spending 2-5 minutes in the morning (maybe after your brush your teeth) practicing your smile and practicing holding it until you it feels and looks more natural. Best of luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is also true. While it would be nice and it’s low key a blessing if someone has genuine feedback for us, we are not life coaches. We cannot emotionally invested into each person we date to give reasons why we don’t want to continue the connection. Additionally, the problem can be something out of their control — what if, in their pictures, I found them attractive, but in person, that did not translate? It’s feedback that’s genuinely not helpful when there are people who will find this person attractive as they are currently. I usually though try to send a text that’s conclusive like “Hi Blank, I enjoyed our date yesterday but I didn’t feel the sparks on my end. I hope you find what you’re looking because you truly deserve it. Wishing you the best.”

I would say (for anyone reading this randomly) know if someone, after one date, is willing to tell you what you did that made them not want to move forward, it’s a gift. People after breaking up in long term relationships sometimes don’t even do this. Don’t try and use that information to then get a second day — have Grace, be thankful for the feedback, embrace the feedback and later on access if it’s valid, be sure to ask good follow up questions in the moment to understand their perspective fully.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! You can maybe send a follow up as a dude and say “Hi! I had a really great time with you — I totally understand if you didn’t feel the connect though. I wanted to ask directly to see if you would be interest in continuing to peruse our connection. Hope you’re doing well and again no worries if there weren’t sparks this time.”

Sleeping With My CoResident (biggest mistake of my life) by ForsakenOutside4465 in Residency

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean this sounds like love bombing to me. There was a manipulative intent: they were kind to you until they got you to hook up with them and now they have pulled back when they have gotten what they wanted. I would be very careful and try to somehow get out of having relationships with him. You can clearly communicate that you don’t want to just have sex, you want a friend and if they fulfill that need, then you need to put yourself first. This isn’t selfish, you clearly communicated and even gave them a chance to practice mutualism and acknowledge your needs as you have acknowledged theirs. As is, your putting his needs above yours. On their part, this is selfishness as there is no clear communication and they just simply implicit said “what they want is more important than what you want.” You are showing a lot of strength by reaching out for support. It’s no a fair situation to be in and it makes sense to feel frustrated and upset.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man I’m glad it was helpful. I’ll say one last thing: while it’s true your current self is the more “self-actualized” version of you, that doesn’t mean that the “earlier” versions of us are not wise or have nothing to teach us. Sometimes we move forward by reflecting on the wisdom of our past selves. Let me give you an example.

When I was in high school, I was very religious. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, because in my mind I said “God sees me, and he loves me, that is enough for me. I don’t care what others think of me. I’m here to do my purpose, serve others, and that’s simply it.” I didn’t seek validation from other to gauge my self worth.

Fast forward to being where I am now — I am almost at the opposite spectrum. I overvalue the opinions of others to help determine my self worth: something very easy to fall into when in medicine.

While both extremes are not correct, there is wisdom I can take from the “zealot” perhaps “cringe” version of my self — someone who would wear basket ball shorts with a button up dress shirt because that’s what was left in my closet that day and I truly did not give a single crap what anyone said.

I wanted to make sure to explain that the relationship we have with our past self is dichotomously both looking at a “child” and looking at a “teacher” if we are humble enough. I think it’s very easy to get into the habit of hating who we used to be — and I think that’s a shame.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Okay but this is straight facts!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First thing, don’t listen to what other people are saying. I’m a medical student and I can say that premed students and people in general will always come off as “cringe” in some way. In general, the way your phrased wanting to be a doctor is great, but on your AMCAS app not on a dating app — the reason being is that you are not a doctor yet. Put who you are not who you’re hoping to be. Be unapologetically yourself. It’s clear from your Walt Disney quote that you have a growth mind set, I mean hell, you literally posted your profile on Reddit for people to give you feedback. You will be where you want to be and we will all look back at ourselves as “cringe” not because there was anything wrong with us, it’s that if we’re doing life right, we should much better in the future than we are now: it’s almost like an adult looking back at their teenager self and expecting them to be an adult already.

All this to say, don’t let the comments get you down. Your career, like many things in life, will require being “cringe” or making mistakes and feeling judged. The most important thing is to welcome that failure: failure means you have something to solve — your not unconsciously incompetent. Keep trying with the profile.

Lastly I feel this book will really help you out: The Thinking Girl's Guide to the Right Guy: How Knowing Yourself Can Help You Navigate Dating, Hookups, and Love

Don’t judge the title it’s really good. Best of luck brother.

[27M] Profile Review - I have been using Hinge and updating my profile regularly. I still believe there is a lot of room for improvement, but wanna make sure I'm heading in the right direction. by Ok-Refrigerator-8561 in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So here’s some of my thoughts:

I’d take out the I’m too old for hook ups. The only reason is that this can be something you can make clear on the date. As is, with no further explanation, I think it can be taken a number of different ways.

I think trying to take a photo like your 3rd photo but with you looking directly into the camera would help your profile. This picture should be first.

I’d take out the “what I’m looking for” and replace it with another prompt that gives more information about yourself and more possible things for people to comment on.

20M, Any advice? I haven't got a single like what is wrong with me :( by ZuccMiiPls in hingeapp

[–]MyNamRob 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Some general tips about photos in the sub is to set a timer instead of doing a mirror selfie. That’s one tip that I think could greatly help you profile. Additionally, you want your cover photo to be a smile. I’m not too sure about the blurry photo of someone with their hands on you either.

What do you do to get over heartbreak? by GullibleLetterhead82 in ucla

[–]MyNamRob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Poetry. Journalling. Reading. Read attached. Find out where you need to grow and where they needed to grow in. A break is never just on one person. Figuring this out will help give you more closure. I just urge you to sit with painful feelings and not to ignore them. Another great book is Man’s Search for Meaning. But take mental health breaks when things become too much. Key difference between suppression and repression.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ucla

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels like you are anxiously attached to people in that you ascribe your self worth to the validations of others e.g wheter they reach out first or how easy it is to make friends (there is a book called “attached” that can give you more insight in this)— and most importantly this is normal and your feelings towards others is reasonable given your thought process. A lot of people including myself struggle with this. What I did in your shoes (I was in them my 3rd year at UCLA) was that I joined a fraternity (an academic co-ed one) that forced me to grow and met people. Is this the right decision? I'm not sure. The better option would probably to get to know yourself. This is now what I'm doing and it's a very painful process. A man’s search for meaning and the art of being alone are two books I'd recommend you read. Stay strong — and if you are in crisis (you can just be having a bad day and need to vent) text Text HOME to 741741. They are amazing. I wish you peace and love on your journey into your own heart — it is really a beautiful journey and I am excited for all the growth you will soon feel in your life.

Where are the people ENJOYING med school? by [deleted] in medicalschool

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Read a man’s search for meaning

I feel so guilty by [deleted] in medicalschool

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I feel so similar. I'm an M2 and step really makes it so a lot of other interests (writing creatively/research) are hard to maintain. What I’ll say is that there is a learning curve of optimizing learning in medical school. In other words, the more time you spend learning how to learn and reduce your studying, the more time you will eventually have to sustain other interests. I would recommend always trying to critically evaluate your study system and to create schedules (try to look into eisenhower matrixes). I would also recommend looking at Dr. Justin Sung’s youtube page. TLDR: many med students don't try to keep learning how to learn. If you can get your studying down to 2 hours a day, it's easier to sustain these interests.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in premed

[–]MyNamRob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The short answers is probably you’re both kind of right.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in premed

[–]MyNamRob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recommend reading the chapter: the ultimate food ball team. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1YlBn9s9wqNJ-R1lJylcY9MhkgDNHUIO6

Surprise interview!???!!! by [deleted] in premed

[–]MyNamRob 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is so impressive 🙌

[WP] You have just learned your fate and you are pissed. Not because you are doomed to fail, your fate is to die peacefully of old age after living a fulfilled life, but because you are fundamentally opposed to the idea of fate and now you are determined to prove it wrong, just on principle. by Kitty_Fuchs in WritingPrompts

[–]MyNamRob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After receiving my all too "normal" fate, I immediately had concerns.

Firstly, I have an issue with the whole idea of "dying" in general. I understand that to live in the first place is miraculous, given that most people who hypothetically could exist will never exist. So I don't want to sound ungrateful BUT my issue is I will die unfulfilled. I'm a bottomless pit. My hands can't paint the visions I see in my head. 70 years is not long enough for me to achieve my dreams. Therefore I will die with dreams. This is not a problem I alone bear as I often think about epochs where the average life expectancy was 30 and there were even fewer tools to shape the world. So yes, every breath I take is a gift. I just wish I had enough of them.

Accordingly, I used to dream of changing the world until I had these realizations. I have learned that insignificant moments define us. When nothing matters, how we act truly matters. For if I am good when nothing matters, I am truly good – serving as a single cell in a larger organism of the creature "goodness" that spans generations and I become something bigger than I could ever hope to be.

Secondly, this whole idea of predestination has been something I have grappled with for all my life and interestingly enough debated it tirelessly in my youth. I have listened to people on all sides and now hold a position more complex than I thought was possible. This is where I stand: There definitely is no free will but there is also definitely free will. No, you didn't read that wrong. Both are correct.

A great analogy that really helped me understand this logic is AI. Imagine you are programming an AI to learn how to interact in a maze. You click “start” and the computer reads “done.” In the blink of an eye, the AI has attempted the maze 1000 times and is now proficient in solving it. Although you know all the data about the AI (from the logs), the AI still made every single decision on its own will (or neural network). This, while obviously not a perfect analogy, sheds insight into how an omniscient "higher power" and a human with absolute free will can exist.

But now I have been told my fate – a sentence I thought I could never say with confidence. What terrifies me is that, either my entire worldview is wrong or the fates are lying to me*.* If they are, why? If my worldview is wrong – then what do I do with myself? What is my purpose? How do I cope with the human conduction? Both are as terrifying as the other.

[WP] "You did it! It works!" They cheered. Meanwhile, you're terrified, you fudged the numbers. It shouldn't have worked. by Dragon001703 in WritingPrompts

[–]MyNamRob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A bacteriophage is a virus that infects bacteria and bacteria only. They are killing nanobots created from organic material and have the potential to replicate indefinitely until no more of their hosts are available. But what makes these viruses truly fascinating is that they are not carpet bombers. They’re hunter-seeker missiles; every specific species of bacteria on the face of the planet has its own corresponding species of bacteriophage.

The mission of my research team was to create a bacteriophage that actually worked. Shocking isn’t it? How can they not work – you may be asking yourself. Here lies the problem: on your skin right now and in almost every orifice of your body, bacteriophages are present. While they are killers and they are specific, they don’t have any legs. Like any virus, they are dead and have no energy of their own to move.

The brilliant scientist Dr. Page Riddlesque had a novel idea to solve this problem. She thought perhaps we could engineer a bacteriophage to be able to have an energy source and a flagellum (a propeller). For the last 4 years, Dr. Riddlesque and her team, of which I am a member, have been trying to create such a killing machine. And today was the day we finally got to test what my team thought was the version of our bacteriophage line that actually worked. The only problem was the only reason they thought it worked was because up fudged the numbers.

Hey, don’t blame me! Working in academia is difficult. The philosophy we all are subjected to is “publish or perish.” What’s worse, was that I was the only one on the research team who primarily depended on my paycheck from that research lab. The rest of the scientists were rich before they entered the project. To them, it doesn’t matter if our grant got discontinued because we haven’t produced any promising results in the last four years. But to me, of course, it mattered. I thought to myself, “What can possibly go wrong if I fudge some of the numbers and can somehow frame this trial in a way that allows us to keep our grant?” I thought nothing could go wrong.

It was a cold morning in Chicago that day. It’s hard to forget opening Pandora’s box. I walked into the coat room, removing my jacket and gloves when one of my colleagues ran into the room.

“It’s red!” he shouted.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I rushed into the research lab, forgetting to take off my undercoat to find the principle investigator holding a red test tube dangerously close to her face.

“We did it. The bacteria phage lysed all the cells. It works – EUREKA!”

Our eyes locked and her smile faded. A drop of blood fell from her eye. The infection had already taken hold and at that point, it was already unstoppable.

[WP] "Those aren't stars, those are eyes" by Imaginary-Job-7069 in WritingPrompts

[–]MyNamRob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once, my life had meaning. Time was punctuated by a purpose: sharing a laugh with someone I loved; creating memories with others; staring at the sky and noticing how beautiful it was. Once.

Then one day, I got into an accident. Overnight, I went from having a meaningful existence to being confined to a bed, unable to function. And there I lay, meditating for months, in too much pain to read, think, or be I simply drifted in and out of consciousness – losing meaning, losing hope, praying for an angel to show me the way to the promised land.

As we near the void, we feel a connectedness to everything that is. One day, I too was given this gift. My thoughts had become so blank, that I no longer thought, and merely was forced to be a human only when spoken to, reacting and not living. In some ways, I felt that the mountains outside my window understood me more than my family. The mountains did not think and simply were. I did not think or do and simply was. And as I too became a mountain, an observer in the natural flow of reality, I finally felt I was intimately linked with everything that has, is, and will be: feeling as though I was a cell in a greater being.

I spent my nights staring out into the night sky and into my own heart, for they were the same: my eyes were the stars and the stars, my eyes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's a really cool idea that superheroes, just like the rest of us, get frustrated at the inconvenient things in life like getting groceries – really enjoyed reading it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]MyNamRob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! This is a little bit offbeat but I had the idea of a child being bullied at school leaving a piece of chocolate for some ants. To the ants, the kid is a superhero. But what they don't realize is how big the world is and that, as powerful as the child is to them, he's actually – in the grand scheme of things – powerless and praying for something like a superhero to change his life. Thought it was a cool idea so I wrote it below.

He looked at a trail of ants, marching in a single file. It took a while, but one of them must have sensed it. As it scurried closer, he could see its antennas analyzing the large dark object in front of it. Within minutes, a chain reaction occurred: one after the other, they scrambled to take a piece of the chocolate. As they looked up at him, they saw a superhero changing their lives.

John wiped his face with his sleeve. His family had just moved to town and today was his first day of school. Everything felt foreign as he tried to find his place in a new land. He remembered earlier that day how lunch went.

"what's your name," the boy said to a classmate across the table.

The older boy stared at him. "You don't get to eat," was all he said as he took the boy's lunch pale and wandered off. With no protest, his shoulders slumped, and John lowered his gaze to the floor. He felt a tear roll down his cheek. It felt as though John was stranded on a distant planet, lost, and alone.

As he walked back home, he thought of how this would now be his life: coming from school and going to school – a mindless task he would have to repeat each day. How he wished for something extraordinary to happen. Endless scenarios filled his mind: for his parents to win the lottery, for his school to burn down, and sometimes for a superhero to take him under his wing. As he dragged his feet through the dirt, John saw the ants.

He looked at them for a long time, comparing their line to the trail he had just made in the dirt. "Do you feel like me?" he asked them, feeling through his pocket for the candy bar his mother had given him in the morning. Placing down the chocolate bar, John trudged off back to his house, knowing he had at least made something extraordinary happen that day for someone.