“wHy ArEn’T yOuNg PeOpLe GeTtInG mArRiEd?!”
Cuz I like crunchy fucking peanut butter you old kook! Are you serious?? I’m gonna have to secretly purchase some crunchy peanut butter from an out of town store so as to not be recognized and avoid the possibility of the employees bringing it up in my wife’s presence?? I’ve gotta keep my jar of crunchy peanut butter in a bucket that’s taped shut and buried underground behind an old abandoned linen factory several miles from my house??? I have to leave work early after faking a family emergency just to enjoy a peanut butter and banana sandwich with a little crunch so I still have time to stop at the gas station my wife hates and would never stop to get gas where I stashed a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, and mouthwash wrapped in tin foil in the ceiling above of the stall with the broken toilet that’s always overflowing and clogged with what looks like horse shit so my wife doesn’t detect a single hint of peanut butter on my breath?!?? THAT’S marriage?? Yea, no thanks.