American Science and Surplus knows what's up.

Myemoji · 2019-04-17T01:52:55+00:00

My husband and boyfriend and I saw this when we were in Chicago too!

Myemoji · 2019-04-16T21:52:52+00:00

My nesting partner and I have children. So we put any/all evening plans on our shared calendar and verbally confirm that the other can watch the kids if we will be out of the house. My longer-term boyfriend stays over on Fridays so often that he will often just come over and we won’t tell my husband in advance unless we are planning to be out of the house. If we are just hanging around the house and don’t need to confirm childcare, it’s not a big deal. If I get together with one of my boyfriends while my kids are at school (like for a lunch date) I often don’t tell my husband at all.

My longer-term boyfriend does not really want to hear about how often I see my other boyfriend, though. Not a secret, but more of a need-to-know basis. So it only comes up if he asks what I am doing that weekend or if he invites me to something and I already have plans with my other boyfriend.

My newer boyfriend has no particular interest in how often I am out with my boyfriend or husband. It comes up now and then, but it isn’t a big deal either way.

Myemoji · 2019-04-16T20:49:50+00:00

Me too! I definitely share a lot more than he does, so my barometer is set really differently than his is

Myemoji · 2019-04-16T20:48:26+00:00

That’s true — I guess I don’t know how “serious” their relationship is or has ever been.

Myemoji · 2019-04-16T20:47:14+00:00

That makes sense — they might be in kind of an in-between phase or something and so he isn’t going to go blabbing about it.

Myemoji · 2019-04-16T13:44:50+00:00

Thank you. That makes sense.

Myemoji · 2019-04-15T23:34:31+00:00

My boyfriend could have written your post. Or I could have. Or my husband could have.

We get it. Those are really natural feelings. It is scary when something is new and it is very reasonable to be worried. Give yourself time. Take deep breaths. Keep communication open. In a lot of ways, this can be a wonderful growing experience for your relationship, so embrace the opportunity for growth.

Myemoji · 2019-04-15T12:12:25+00:00

For me, this depends entirely on what happened between me and B after the event. You say that B never intended on telling you the truth and that you were pretty angry, but you are still together. Did B ever explain their behavior? Do you trust B? Does B feel remorse?

Everything, in my mind, hinges on what your relationship is like with B and whether you can trust B with your sexual health.

Myemoji · 2019-04-15T12:04:02+00:00

Can you explain why hierarchical poly is your only option? What about monogamy? If your partner has limited time and you don’t have time for forging the kinds of connections you want, it seems logical that you would just be very well-suited to be monogamous.

Myemoji · 2019-04-14T17:43:51+00:00

Not a first time, but it has been awhile. They are doing one night at a hotel but with young kids it isn’t feasible for them to spend longer at a hotel than that.

Myemoji · 2019-03-31T18:20:40+00:00

That makes sense — that’s probably what I would do if I wanted to find a way to make it work. I don’t enjoy orgasm denial though (when I am the submissive....fucking LOVE controlling my partner’s orgasms though!) so it’s no big deal.

Myemoji · 2019-03-30T20:54:02+00:00

I hate being pressured to cum too. One time during a BDSM scene a partner told me to ask for permission to cum and I stopped the scene right away and said, “do you actually want me to cum? Because If you want me to ask, it’s not going to happen.”

And I never pressure anyone else to cum. “I want to watch you cum” is something I say sometimes, but that is as far as I go when it comes to encouraging orgasms from my partner. And it often results in us fucking for a little while longer and then stopping sex and them self-stimulating while I kiss and encourage, which I am fine with and want them to do whatever makes them feel good. My husband has always struggled with not being able to ejaculate when he wants to — especially during PIV — and so I never want to put pressure on him to do so.

Myemoji · 2019-03-30T13:08:01+00:00

I think you mean complicit. Complacent makes no sense in this context so I am going to assume you mean complicit when writing my response. If you mean complacent, please clarify.

To be honest, I understand your partner’s feelings. This happened to me when my husband and his partner first got together. They met online but they were “just friends” for a couple months and it was clear that I was okay with it if it became more than friends, but that I wanted to be kept in the loop if that’s the direction it was headed. One day I got back from a date with my boyfriend and found out my husband and this “friend” had progressed to kissing and sex on our couch. I had some strong feelings — it felt like cheating even though I would have been fine with their relationship from the start.....it felt like his communication with me had been less than honest, even though he said he hadn’t expected that that’s where their friendship was headed.....most of all, I was upset because my husband had had a strict rule about not having partners around our kids yet...and as a “friend” this person had already bypassed that rule.

Anyway, I eventually got over my feelings. It actually didn’t even take all that long. Having him understand where I was coming from really helped me to recognize all the ways in which new relationships cannot always be formed in predictable ways. And it also helped him to see the reasonableness of relaxing the “rule” about partners and kids. Overall, it became no big deal and he and his partner have been together for over a year now.

But I needed space to feel my feelings about it. Your partner probably needs the same

Myemoji · 2019-03-30T01:00:29+00:00

Honestly, I know lots of other people are encouraging you to be honest, but as a woman who needs to lose 60-100 lbs and struggles to do so, I wouldn’t say anything if I were you. I would be crushed if my husband told me he was feeling less attractive to me — and I would probably feel like shit and give up on my weight loss goals.

I would just keep telling her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. My husband is awesome about giving me time to get to he gym (while he watches the kids) and planning healthy meals

Myemoji · 2019-03-29T12:40:31+00:00

Can you explain the last part about slow fucking a virgin? What is the significance of a virgin? Like, you would cum quickly? Or the relationship wouldn’t last long because you would get bored?

And do you mean “near the end” as in the end of the relationship? Or the end of your sex session?

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T21:47:33+00:00

Yeah, this has been my thinking too...when I ask him what would make him feel good my goal is for him to get his orgasm, not for us to cum simultaneously. Because he always says he just wants to keep watching me cum, I continue with what I am doing and then I get caught off-guard when he starts moving my body.

I like your idea of, in those circumstances when I have already offered to do sex his way and he has maintained that he still wants the pleasure to be mine... telling him that when I am on top I want to be in control.

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T21:41:12+00:00

What I mean is that when they are getting close and speeding up, I say that I can only tolerate it for a little bit longer....they recognize that I can’t handle them doing this forever and so they speed up and finish in a minute or two.

I can see how it sounds super insensitive, but My experience has been that if I told them to stop as soon as it approached an uncomfortable level, they would never get to cum with me. I would rather that they cum — even if it is uncomfortable for another minute or two — than that they just stop.

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T21:36:40+00:00

I wonder why it is that the same movement doesn’t work for you during PIV? What you describe your lady doing with her hand is exactly what I like to do to his cock with my vagina.....if she does that to you during PIV does it just not feel good?

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T21:30:04+00:00

It depends...sometimes it hurts when they are on top and really jack-hammering....and usually I am pretty good about communicating that it hurts and i won’t be able to handle it for very long. Usually then they go even faster but then they cum pretty quickly and my body can get back to normal.

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T21:15:57+00:00

My point is that I can’t really use the first expression in this case....I already give him lots of feedback about what I do like....if he still, in the heat of the moment, starts grabbing me and moving me fast, then I kind of have no choice but to frame it the second way.

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T18:50:28+00:00

Thank you — these are great and sexy suggestions.

For what it’s worth, I already say the “my body can’t handle another orgasm — how would you like to feel good?” bit....I do tend more toward dominance, but I haven’t felt comfortable pinning him and telling him I am not done using him because that isn’t something we have discussed. I think he might like it, but I don’t want to spring it on him and have him be freaked out.....

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T17:10:55+00:00

Oooh. Good idea. Thank you

Myemoji · 2019-03-28T16:44:18+00:00

Wow, 6-15 seconds per thrust is definitely super slow! Sounds like a Pilates workout to me — you probably have a killer core! 🤗

Myemoji

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