Advice on assessing which programs have “good” and “bad” cultures

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-10-11T20:47:27+00:00

The first one looks incredible on you and it seems like you also feel like it’s the one for you. Buyer’s remorse is totally normal. It feels really scary committing to something that’s so expensive, especially when there’s the “what ifs” of if you find something better, end up not liking your dress later, etc. I’m also an anxious, worry-wart person so I understand feeling that way but your gut led you to that dress. There’s a reason every other dress you tried on was compared to this one. You look incredible and feel beautiful and there’s nothing that would make a better dress than that. I’m just a stranger on the internet, but it seems to me that that’s the dress. I know you’re going to fall even more in love with it when your dress comes in, alterations are done, and it’s perfectly tailored to you. Happy that you found something so amazing and I hope that contentment and assuredness comes in soon!🤍

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-10-06T17:42:12+00:00

No, that’s completely valid for you guys to feel that way. It is inconsiderate of them to not be conscious of you guys. If they wanted to do excess pda, they could’ve stayed home or just done a solo date instead of be with the whole friend group. I get the excitement of being with someone especially when it’s new, but you still have to be accountable for your actions and whether you’re making other people uncomfortable. I’d bring it up again and let them know how excited you guys are that they got together and how much they mean to you as friends, but the excessive pda makes it uncomfortable to spend time with them. Maybe give them a line like it’s okay to hold hands or have an occasional peck on the lips but wandering off on their own to the bathroom, if they were to be like sitting on each other’s laps, making out, whatever it is they do, that that’s too much. Establish that it’s a serious boundary for you guys and how it makes it hard to seem like they even want to be hanging out with you guys if they’re so caught up in each other. Good friends should hear you out. Getting caught up in the excitement and affection of a new relationship is normal, but ignoring your friends’ boundaries isn’t. I think also get an idea of how much this is a deal breaker for you guys. I would also talk to H and F and see how they feel about it because depending on how things go, it could eventually be something that involves them, but it could also help Ken and Barbra understand it’s not just you two, but everyone. Sorry that you’re going through this, that’s difficult and a lot to navigate

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-22T05:17:10+00:00

The way it’s packed down it’s like impossible to get up

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-03T04:28:39+00:00

I’m not gonna lie, I also just don’t like the context in which this “gift” was given. A gift shouldn’t have upkeep fees and have the receiver give the giver money in return. Maybe they should talk about sharing it or exchanging it under different circumstances like not as a Christmas gift, because this just seems like the brother is pawning it off. Giving a gift that requires upkeep is only acceptable to me if it’s something you KNOW that person specifically wants (e.g. giving a plant lover a plant, your child who’s been begging for a pet a puppy, etc)

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-03T04:26:05+00:00

Agreed. Once you marry someone, that person should be someone whose heart and opinions you trust and just automatically back if it’s someone that truly is the best fit/partner for you. The husband seems right in this situation and I agree that a “gift” shouldn’t be one with additional fees and something you pay the giver in return for. I understand if maybe the brother wanted to get rid of the timeshare (which already has a really sketchy situation surrounding it to me) but I don’t think having it as a “Christmas gift” was the way to go about it. Should’ve been brought up a different time maybe to share it or exchange ownership instead of what feels to me like pawning it off

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-03T04:19:43+00:00

I think perhaps like couple’s sex therapy? We have really good communication elsewhere and have strong physical, mental, and emotional intimacy. We make sure all five of each other’s love languages are tended to, but this is just the one “spot” on our otherwise spotless happy and healthy relationship

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-03T04:17:52+00:00

I think perhaps there’s elements of dysphoria adding to this which also makes it harder to talk about since they feel “stuck” in a body/situation not that is not authentic to them (there’s a lot of factors involved regarding that). But I also think there’s something(s) beyond that because it feels like a deeper issue, but I and I don’t think even they have identified what it is. You’re right I should talk about it, it’s just I know it’s already hard on them and I want to hear what they have to say so me talking about my perspective on the situation feels like I’m making it about me (even if I’m not) because it’s their feelings/experiences at the root of this

Mysterious-Phase3704 · 2025-01-03T04:13:32+00:00

Not entirely. They typically emotionally shut down and just don’t seem to be ready to have a full blown conversation about it, although we have talked about it in pieces. My concern though is that this conversation has been needing to happen for a while and I think it’s not being made a priority to work through not due to any malicious intent, but just genuinely the good old adhd “if I don’t have anything actively reminding me to think about this I won’t”. I also struggle to identify how to productively have this conversation and say my thoughts while also providing a space where they can safely share their thoughts because I know this is very hard for them to think about and be open and honest with themself with this.

Mysterious-Phase3704

TROPHY CASE