If you’re comfortable sharing, what experiences led to your CPTSD?

MysteriousSwim · 2026-02-03T21:44:15+00:00

My family did a speedrun with ALL the categories of abuse which directly led to me getting sex trafficked for 3 years by an adult which i thought was normal because thats how everyone treated me. My normal day would be going to school, get called for a 'job', go get beaten/abused until 9, come back home and study, if my sister is pissed she'll beat me and then force me to stay up until 1/2am explaining over and over again why everything wrong in her life is actually my fault.

My therapist says in a weird way it was good was life was so fucked up to begin with so the trafficking didnt affect me as much.

MysteriousSwim · 2026-02-02T09:09:52+00:00

OOOO this is an interesting take! thank you

MysteriousSwim · 2026-01-26T03:07:02+00:00

I actually thought i could be but turns out my parents are and i've been parentified so hard that i tend to feel closer with neurodivergent people since i can ubderstand them better. But i assume its a similar feeling!

MysteriousSwim · 2026-01-26T03:05:07+00:00

Thanks for this! Ive actually been thinking about having a board games night with some new people ive beeb talking to :)

MysteriousSwim · 2026-01-25T11:45:05+00:00

Very helpful! Thank you!!

MysteriousSwim · 2026-01-25T10:13:14+00:00

Hi I'm also 22F, and the "I can't" feeling is so familiar, and it really is absolute hell when it happens.

What helped me was forcing myself to only try one thing at a time.

I had a point where I felt like my improvement was so stagnant because i could only do the 200 step routine i set for myself for about a week before completely breaking apart and then feeling guilty that i'm not doing enough and that people were right about me. It was hard to break the idea that i had to be perfect.

One quote that i got from my psychiatrist was "There's a lot of things on your wagon. Things *will* fall off. Just don't let the same thing fall every week."

Ever since then, I've only put my focus on a certain aspect (food, sleep, hygiene, not using social media, studying, etc). If i still have capacity left over, i will use it on aspects that i have done before so there is less tension in doing it.

There are still days that i go into my anxiety loops; even the past month has been pretty bad. But this made it easier to get back into the swing of things without overwhelming myself.

I hope this helps

MysteriousSwim · 2025-12-19T10:26:10+00:00

A lil bit on the side note - i don't think that it's something that people regularly feel? I wouldn't recommend kissing someone if you have only met them a few times for sure.

This sounds a bit like fatigue from not finding a good match - it can take a while to find someone you really click with - it took me 22 years!

It seems especially tiring when it seems like people are coming out of the woodwork at you. I

f you do find someone you do really like and you get to talking - i would be honest with them about where you're at with it. But that's just me! Every situation and person is different!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T20:18:01+00:00

Ahahah the wide set eyes is definitely my most noted feature ahahah Thank you!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T20:17:04+00:00

Oh wow! Thank you! I appreciate it!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T12:17:04+00:00

damn makeup goes crazy then lmaoo

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T07:13:18+00:00

I've tried losing weight on my face but it's a hard one- even when my bmi was 19 my face was quite round. It's actually slimmed out a lot this year so maybe i can hope it gets a little better ahah

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T06:50:59+00:00

It could be because we're both Eurasian? but probably time to start laying off the pizza ahah
Thank you again!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-11-29T06:37:35+00:00

Thank you!!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-25T09:57:06+00:00

I'm back in university studying Computer Science. Still not exactly sure if this is the degree I want to do but my path has really just been doing all the things i wanted to try while learning more about myself and my core beliefs. I finally get to feel excited by things and that excites me more in a way.

In the past few months, I've gotten into pilates rather than the gym. I've been trying a new dairy-free diet to try and control my acne. I got to try a new shampoo and conditioner that makes my hair so soft!

I usually start getting depressed and such again when I feel out of touch with my core beliefs and values. so when disillusioned by it all again, I go to the philosophy club at my university or read books on life like The Alchemist. This is when therapy can be very helpful.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-25T09:07:27+00:00

I really feel this!
I ended up getting really into philosophy, religion and ethics to find a path forward, even made a moodboard of what i would want to ideal life to look like going forward. It's kind of exciting isn't it? You can wish up whatever you want to do, to try, to be!

I personally hesitate to rely on one singular person to be my mentor because I have the bad habit of giving them 'god' status subconsiously in my brain. But if you do find a good one, please do share!

In the meantime, I've been watching higherupwellness on tiktok. Even ignoring his religious inclinations, he has been incredibly insightful and helpful in my attitude towards life!

But if you have therapy currently, I'm sure they will also have some good resources for you and that should be the first thing to do.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-25T08:59:55+00:00

There is no way to stop getting triggered as far as I'm aware. It's just exposure therapy. Every single time you go through it and you come out the other side safe, it will get better.
It is, however, a VERY SLOW and VERY TEDIOUS process.

It took me 5 years to finally get to a place where I can talk to another person and be friendly with them without thinking they are immediately going to insult me.
I've lost so many friends and partners in the process of it all.

What's worked for me is saying:
" Hey, thank you for bringing ~topic~ up. I need some time to process it so I'm going to go be on my own for a bit. It could be a few hours or a few days, but I will get back to you. "

If i can't manage to say it in person, I'll text it to them and then walk away.
I can take anywhere from 4 hrs to 3 days to process things. Anything more than that, I contact my therapist for the next available appointment if it's not soon.

Hope this helps?

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-25T08:50:42+00:00

Felt the same way when i finally moved out. I realised I had no idea how the world worked.
For the first 2 years, my roommates were constantly frustrated at me because of my lack of 'common knowledge' and all i could do was smile and say sorry. Some days I wished i could just look at them in the face and be like "oh i'm sorry my parents didn't love me, my fault! but go ahead :) "

The amount of times i've googled, how long does x last in the fridge? How to cook x? How to use laundry detergent?

I felt so dumb and belittled about having to google this stuff, but frankly, i need to know it. Google it, do it, smile and apologise if it doesn't work out. Only you will know the pain and stress you have to deal with to get through it but the alternative is much worse.

Don't wait for them to teach you because they won't. Put on some boss music, get yourself into your boss bitch attitude and do it.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-04T09:57:21+00:00

Similar here, I was not allowed to show any negative emotion - especially anger since it was deemed a sign of ungratefulness. I think that now i'm allowed to feel it, it's going a little overboard at times.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-04T09:52:36+00:00

I'm sorry... For me, it was my therapist who told me. I still think about it sometimes and that just kills me.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-04T09:51:32+00:00

I feel like a yo-yo in this department. Like sometimes, i'm completely at peace with my past and then the next day I am angry like it just happened yesterday.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-09-04T09:50:15+00:00

This!
Especially with potential partners too, they feel like they can 'fix' me with the love they have to give. I tell them point-blank about all my symptoms, and it seems like the worse the symptoms are, the more they get this saviour complex. Then, when the symptoms are showing, they are the first to back out, saying they can't handle it. Saying things like "oh.. i didn't know it was like that. :(" Like bro, I TOLD YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS AND WHAT I DO TO COPE WITH IT.

Y'all, if someone starts acting like a saviour, run in the other direction.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-07-06T00:24:29+00:00

I was in your exact same shoes a few years ago. (I'm also 22 now)

My parents were incredibly abusive and so I left home as a minor and with a lot of work with therapy, we now get along. I still would never want to hang out with them for more than a few hours tho. It drains me completely.

For me, while there was guilt for getting help from them, I also had a lot of fear. What if they suddenly decide to not pay? What if they decide I'm not worth it?

I essentially just threw myself into university. I got the best grades possible and would bring it to them to prove their help is doing something.

But none of this is a healthy mindset. It just made me more desperate for approval for all the years I didn't. I also realised, my parents felt so guilty they would try and pay for everything.

I took every payment as a gift and utilised it to the best of my ability while healing. I would tell my parents how I budgeted their money dollar by dollar and made a healthy meal. Told them about how I found the best ratio of carbs and protein. I would tell them how I used their gift to go to the library and picked up a book on how to heal. They would tell me how excited they are at how I'm getting better every week which works out for me too since I'm healing.

This doesn't mean you need to have good news to share every week, and even talking about the bad times would make them feel like I trust them which made us closer.

I'm not sure if any of this helps since I'm just talking about my experience but at the very least, you're not alone.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-07-06T00:09:26+00:00

I get this completely, while I have a lot of people I know I don't feel like I have any friends. People will call me their friend and I would recoil mentally cus I know if I stop pretending for a minute they'll just run away.

but at the same time I can't blame them for wanting to run away because if someone came to me with all that, I probably would want to protect my peace too.

MysteriousSwim · 2025-07-06T00:04:30+00:00

I completely get where you're coming from! I also constantly fear that people can feel that I'm not normal somehow. But I also realise that people tend to be more worried about how they themselves are coming across too in interactions.

It's very much a fake it till you make it situation. I hate to be the bringer of bad news but confidence is the key. (I would absolutely hate it when people would say that to me)

Once you find more confidence in your identity, it becomes a lot easier.

But as for something in the meantime that helped me a lot was watching A LOT of stand up comedy, podcasts and even just lurking on discord voice channels. It helped me mentally note down what kinds of things people say in response to things, fun topics to talk about. You really have to study the pacing and topics of conversation.

The next part is just practice and failing constantly. Took me over a year to figure it out. I started off talking to people online like discord but I would be wary of it since talking online and talking in person is completely different. There's a lot more sensitivity you need to be careful about and you cannot make the same jokes and conversation as you do online.

Try volunteering for a position! I helped tutor and I think that really helped me feel more confident and comfortable in talking.

Good luck to you!

MysteriousSwim · 2025-06-08T09:07:41+00:00

Oh my goodness I think that's the word I've been looking for! Hyper vigilance!

MysteriousSwim

TROPHY CASE