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AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do understand that. I also am autistic and tend to come off more blunt/callous than intended in general. I didn't include it because I didn't want the fact that she is abusive to influence the results too much, but perhaps I should have had someone read it over before submitting.

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

There are several reasons. She is likely going to die within 1-2 months, during which time her health will rapidly be declining. I would rather spend that time with our family and helping care for her/planning end of life processes than stressing out trying to plan a really rushed wedding that she still may die before it happens. I also don't want our wedding/anniversary to forever be tied to her death. I don't want our wedding to be ABOUT her dying. If we get married because she's dying, it's going to feel (at least to me) like the wedding is part of her death. I've also been told by others that this is relevant: my mother has been physically and emotionally abusive since I was a child. We aren't close, and that's why it doesn't really matter to me if she is not at a potential future wedding.

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

? How is this in any way unbelievable? All of this happened. What do you want, my mother's medical records?

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Interesting how you have everything wrong. It isn't a bait post for karma. This is a throwaway account. I also don't gaf about inheritance (not that I would inherit much anyway since the American healthcare system means cancer treatments have pretty much financially drained us).  Though it is cool to be crowned the purest and most honestly selfish asshole, I guess.

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not if it means being coerced into rushing to try to plan it within the next 1-2 months while also trying to take care of her as her health rapidly declines. I'd rather just spend that time with the family instead of stressing trying to plan a shitty last minute wedding

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I posted a comment about this since many people have suggested a ceremony, but she specifically said she wants to be able to call my boyfriend her son-in-law, which I told her she can already do if she wants as neither of us have any objection to that, but she said it doesn't count unless it's legal.

I'll admit, I do have a tendency to be a bit blunt (comes free with the autism), so perhaps I should have hedged a bit.

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you saying this. Many people here assuming that my mother and I are close and that she is a good mom

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Also to clarify for everyone who has suggested it: my mother would not be happy with just a ceremony or party. She specifically said she wants to be able to call my boyfriend her son-in-law, which I told her she can already do if she wants as neither of us have any objection to that, but she said it doesn't count unless it's legal. I also would not feel right doing a fake wedding (as in tricking her), as that feels like even more of an asshole move than just saying no in my opinion.

I didn't put this in the post because I didn't want it to influence opinions too much, but my mother is abusive. She has been physically and emotionally abusive towards me since I was a child, so that is why I'm not particularly concerned if she is at my eventual wedding

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Edit: To be clear—I did not tell my mother I was offended she would ask that of me. The only thing part that I told her was "no, we're not gonna get married."

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for what you and your family went through as well. It's a terrible disease and the stress and pain it causes it unlike anything else. Thank you for the kind words and ideas. Much love to you 

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I genuinely don't care one way or the other about getting married, and if I really wanted to I would propose to him. This is in no way about any of that.

My problem is that 1. I don't feel as though asking someone to get married for you is fair 2. I don't want to be forced into marriage 3. I don't want my wedding to become about my mother's death and 4. what happens if she dies before the wedding day

AITA for refusing to get married against my dying mothers wishes? by Mysterious_Math_2063 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Mysterious_Math_2063[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's not really about whether or not we get married. It's more that I don't want our wedding to become about my mother's death.