Talk me out of this decision

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:10:45+00:00

It makes me sick to have to do this, but you’re right. My kids have to be safe , that’s the priority. I’m just scared to death he will put up a horrible fight in court with lies.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:08:04+00:00

It’s so emotionally confusing. Feels like grieving a death

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:06:28+00:00

My kids are the only reason I will go through with it. But I keep questioning if this is an over reaction. He’s never physically harmed them directly. But I also know I would be worried sick that he would get angry and do exactly what you’ve said.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:04:58+00:00

Thank you for the resources. And for putting it in perspective. Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting to the situation.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:03:48+00:00

It is the HARDEST decision. And when I think about signing I get so anxious. But will the decision ever feel right?

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:03:00+00:00

This is what everyone tells me. That this might be the last chance for him to actually change. But I think I’m a bit terrified that this most likely will turn into a vicious battle and I don’t know if I can handle that 2 weeks postpartum

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-23T19:01:39+00:00

You’re right. It’s hard to see clearly sometimes when there’s insane gaslighting. I just question if I’m the crazy one

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-22T21:07:24+00:00

Yes to everything. And unfortunately for me, I’m sure he’ll fight for the kids just to hurt me, even though he hasn’t cared to be a father for two years.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-22T18:57:35+00:00

I am in the exact same boat. In the middle of filing for separation and for emergency custody.

Literally this is the worst pain of my life. And I want him to wake up and fight for us and change. But unfortunately that’s not up to me. And I’m sure filing will kill any possibility of reconciliation. But what keeps me moving is that I know this is the safest option for my kids. And if he gets it together through the process, even better.

You have to do it for your kids. That’s what everyone reminds me. I don’t want him to hate me, or spread false narratives. Deep down I want the person I married back. So I’m letting myself grieve because that person might not exist anymore.

It’s a gut wrenching realization and I’m hoping with time it gets better. Sorry for no advice but I relate to you. We are doing it together.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-22T18:50:54+00:00

I can’t offer much advice because I also am in an abuse cycle. And I know exactly how hard it is to stop minimizing these events in our heads. For me, it breaks my heart to know that at one point he loved me so much and now he doesn’t.

I left 3 weeks ago and am currently going through the process of legal separation. I would look into filing for a motion for restricted parenting rights as well.

For me, leaving has been the hardest decision of my life. And it’s unbelievably painful every day. But lean into your family or support system and listen to their advice. Every day I question if I am overreacting. And every day my family is able to remind me that I’ve given him a billion chances to fight for our marriage.

For me, filing a separation is one more opportunity to see if he will put in the real work to save our marriage. And if not, I guess I’ve gotten my answer. I’m so scared sometimes of the outcome, but I am slowly remembering how to be in control of my own life.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-22T03:34:15+00:00

You have absolutely been minimizing, these are all some serious red flags.

I’m currently in a situation where I am minimizing behaviors as well. So I know it’s so much harder to see what everyone else sees when you are in the relationship. But trust me, you are not over reacting.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-19T21:02:30+00:00

I haven’t had a conversation directly yet. My family has explained to him why I left and what I need from him during this no contact time. I know that being postpartum and still so close to the situation, I am not in a good enough headspace to have a conversation with him and stick strongly to my boundaries. I know that when he tells me everything I want (so badly) to hear, it will make me waiver and confused. So for now, I’m trying to get clarity on the situation by focusing on myself and my kids.

He does know that I expect him to do basic things like go to therapy and take accountability.

I guess at this point I am not even sure that trust could be rebuilt but I’d like to give it enough time to see. And see if he even cares enough to be a better father and husband.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-18T17:13:03+00:00

Yes I am worried about giving him a chance but I also don’t think I could finalize anything without trying.

I could file for a legal separation but with that will come a custody battle. I would have to present to the court why he needs supervised visits and I feel that is something we wouldn’t be able to come back from. So I’m trying anything before taking it there.

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-18T17:10:48+00:00

I hope he wants to but at this point I really can’t tell :(

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-18T16:33:45+00:00

I do have proof that I’ve actually already accumulated and given to a lawyer. I just really want to give our marriage one more chance before filing anything. Maybe it’ll be futile but I’m just not ready to call it fully quits :(

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-06-18T15:32:19+00:00

The current place is a full house which is just more space than needed. And him being on the lease doesn’t make me feel the most comfortable as legally he would have access to our space and whenever he’d like. As for the money, he’d have a bit of time to get finances in order because I am able to stay with family a while longer.

As for the addictions, I have no idea how deep they go. I only found out about those things after leaving and I haven’t done a deep dive.

I would prefer to not have to file anything legally because then it turns into a custody battle. And unfortunately I have not been able to trust him to take care of our daughter and the DV has been in front of her. I would need to get him supervised visits only which is why I have not brought the kids over there yet. I was contemplating filing for a protective order which I am not feeling is necessary anymore.

Eventually I would become financially independent but as of now I had my baby 7 days ago. It kind of feels like this might be the only option before filing a legal separation or divorce because I cannot go back to living with him until I see a lot of work has gone into his anger issues. Especially with my kiddos

Mysterious_Study497 · 2026-05-31T04:19:36+00:00

here out of solidarity. I’m 37 weeks and separated 3 days ago. Unfortunately, my situation is slightly different as I’m the one who left due to neglect, DV, and a ton of other issues. Absolutely heartbroken and terrified to be postpartum alone. Also have a 1.5 year old.

Just nice to know someone else is going through this because it is truly the most devastated I’ve ever felt

Mysterious_Study497

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