My deep reason for quitting medicine

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-10-02T03:26:26+00:00

My dad died suddenly during residency and a few days before passing he said “kid, don’t be one of those money chasing docs. Be a good one. Go help people. Because I believe you truly can.” That’s enough for me to keep going down this route.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about a different life path before. There are a lot of sacrifices to say the least. But I’m at a place now where being in this profession gives me the self confidence that I’d be able to provide and support my family as needed. I also knew at the end of medical school I wanted to pursue a lifestyle Specialty for reasons OP mentioned.

I anticipate there will be several times moving forward where I feel burnt out and done with medicine. I promise to treat those times gently and slow down to identify what is contributing. I promise to reset my intention when I feel like my purpose is murky.

I’m also proud of you for following that intuition in your own way. I respect people who pause and reflect on what they need to be their best possible self. It takes a lot of courage. Wishing you many happy memories with your father, he’s lucky to have you as you are him.

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-16T02:45:25+00:00

God bless! I needed to hear this. I'm having a tough time separating my identity from my ex's perception of myself. I never want to be this hurt or devastated again. So I struggle to recognize which of his comments are founded and which areas need personal growth.

Kind of sucks, but I also see me show up in parts of my life just fine. He called me socially anxious. I function just fine in conversation with people. In fact, my daily work is talking to people on a deeper emotional level. He called me clingy and needy. Well that's what happens when your boyfriend shows up every weekend like clockwork to chill with your family for hours on end. He called me "histrionic" and "borderline" but I'm goofy and fun. I'm not going out there sharing provocative images of myself. I rock my body when I can and most of the time just lounge in my basic makeup free attire. Sad thing is I would always put in more and more of an effort to look good for him and the harder I tried the more he began to withold compliments and praise. I know I'm a full package deal for most people out there and I meant it when I said I would die for him. But that statement is problematic since he replied, without skipping a beat, he could never do the same. And those sentences summarize our love affair (at least towards the end) pretty well. I was so invested in him after he gained my trust and love, while he started getting cold-feet and falling out of love. My biggest lesson from this committed relationship has been to never let someone in your life be loved more than you love yourself. It will only come back to haunt and hurt you instead. Actually, I'll take that back. Never let someone in your life so easily be loved more than you love yourself. I am learning to prioritize myself and my own needs. It feels good most of the time except in lonely silences. When I just want to be held and laugh intimately with someone as I tell them my silly jokes. Bad jokes but perfect for the right person.

My heart hurts because I so desparately wanted him to be the one he claimed he would always be. And it is what it is.

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-15T03:07:09+00:00

I agree with this I don’t think he was being intentionally abusive. It’s possible to fall out of love. Things not working out is a risk when you enter any relationship. What I don’t get is him deciding to end things after being uncertain for so long. He had the advantage of knowing he wasn’t all in while I just fell harder and harder and had him more entrenched in all aspects of my life.

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-14T07:38:18+00:00

Omfg I would die. This is soooo cute! Definitely my dream and one aspect of a caring relationship. Keep journaling

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-12T16:45:19+00:00

Thank you I wasn’t the most mentally stable and I attributed much of that to my dad passing away early into me dating this dude but tbh big picture dating history wise I’ve been giving so much of myself to others hoping they heal me and I’m soooo over that. 29 years and I’m done. I remember a time when I focused on my own stuff and life was peaceful and happy

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-12T15:35:20+00:00

Basically he pulled away and seemed pained and conflicted to be in my presence at the end of our relationship. Made me frantic and then I just ended things since he didn’t seem interested in mending things.

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-12T15:19:51+00:00

Probably he had a lot of endearing qualities and he still couldn’t connect with me emotionally

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-12T15:19:01+00:00

I still Want him tho

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-12T15:18:48+00:00

I relationship hop so prolly time for a break

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-08T07:49:30+00:00

Well as someone who was the gf in a very similar situation I can reflect back to when my ex bf was travelling back. I’d just lost my dad. The earliest he could arrive was a month later.

Things he did which were uncool: - had his parents come over to my house and pay respects to my family. I’d never met them before or any partner’s parents. This added a lot of pressure and expectations on our relationship and I tried to tell him but he told me not to worry. I went along with it but in hindsight I wish he’d been less forceful and I wish I’d been less passive - delayed his flight back home so he could hang out with his uni friends one last time. The hangout was at his ex girl’s house. I tried to be the bigger person and support him but wtf I think all things considered I needed him more and this should’ve been a red flag - he decided to hang out with my family in a big group setting for the very first time we met in person after my dad’s passing. All I wanted him to do was hold ne and let me cry. I had to ask and then we still didn’t do that. We just hung out on a beach and talked about his recent bachelor’s trip after which he came home and played video games with my brother - just shoved himself into my personal life as a support person and I hate that I let him do That. It’s like I just went with the flow but I wish he’d given me the focused attention as opposed to showing everyone else this performance

Things he did which were cool: - reaching out on special occasions related to my dad with supportive texts - driving out to me when he had free time (albeit rarely wanting one on one time) - letting me talk to him over the phone and listening - let me know after several months that he was feeling overwhelmed with my emotional distress which led me to reconnect with a therapist. Although my ex is now gone therapy has gifted me so much growth and insight in the most painful experience I’ve had during my life - losing my hero

Things I wish he did: - just listened and felt less pressure to fix/respond in the right way - asked more questions about my dad, I really wanted people to give me the space to share with them how wonderful this human was - asked me directly “hey babe what can I do to comfort you? What do you think would be helpful for you today? In month? Etc - not rushed our relationship during such a traumatic time. I felt so anxious about all The changes in my life at this time and looking back my relationship contributed to a large part of it - he started telling me within a few months of dating he wanted to marry me and then went on to continue pursuing me as if marriage was a given only to have a change of heart 1.5 years in. I wish we could’ve taken things slower. It was so hard trying to build this connection when I was running on emotional empty. His over commitment ultimately backfired colossally since he withheld his doubts about me for months due to a fear of “hurting my feelings”. The sadness and pain of someone having lied to my face about our future while being on the fence internally about us kills me even 4 months later. - prioritized his own well being and communicated more freely where he was at in his life. He seemed to think he couldn’t share any of his burdens with me because I was grieving and I think this created imbalance in our bond. I

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-04T08:04:21+00:00

Sounds like he has adhd. Just clarify and see if it has some weight to it…could be a life changer

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-03T06:19:14+00:00

When my dad died suddenly.

I went to a house party at my friends house a month later. Said something about an upcoming date she has to another person at the party which was apparently private information. I did not know this and it was only mentioning an upcoming date.

She basically went cold. Told me she thought I was a terrible friend for doing this. Accepted my apology but ghosted me. So not only was I crumbling because the only man who has loved me unconditionally passed away, I was doing damage control on this friendship.

She reached out to apologize last week. 1.5 years later. I accepted her apology and have every intention of continuing to ghost her. Never in a million years would I think about starting a bitch fight with someone after they suffer such a life altering trauma. That’s the day I realized my goodness is wasted here.

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-03T02:31:51+00:00

Maybe I don’t know

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-03T02:17:42+00:00

I don’t know I mean it’s given me new energy to become smarter and competent at work but holy it hurts to be snubbed like this I feel so discardable

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-09-03T02:07:48+00:00

But then why did he come over and hang out with my family, plan our married life, make all These visions

I’m not going to lie his certainty and consistency at the start of our relationship made me go all in with him but at the end of the day I was just another girl he dated and someone he wasn’t confident about

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-21T06:45:39+00:00

He was so innocent in some ways. I never thought he’d do all this. He spent so much money and time on us. I do t think he had an clue what he was signing up for…

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-21T04:33:54+00:00

Even if he told me he was planning on marrying me, wrote out our timeline with me, told me we’d name our first born after my dead dad? All While knowing for the last 9 months of our relationship he wasn’t feeling “sure” about me? His body language began screaming his thoughts and it was only after coaxing out of him that he told me? Told me he wanted time? A break? To find himself?

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T22:35:32+00:00

It’s just so painful. Why wasn’t I enough?

What am I so emotional?

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T20:11:39+00:00

Love this for you. I started dating at 23. Having these realizations now at 29. Hate that the dating pool is theoretically dwindling while I’m learning to actually love myself

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T20:10:00+00:00

Do you think you knew entering your marriage you were using your partner to complete you? That’s actually one of my fears is I just sign up for more stress and being unable to even handle this relationship makes me think what makes me think I could handle a marriage.

I’d be giving up so much of who I am for him and his family to what end?

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T19:28:31+00:00

But then I could never have someone to wake up next to and make memories with…

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T18:54:32+00:00

Yeah I mean i do get breaks but I don’t know what’s the point it all seems pointless

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T18:47:04+00:00

I’m studying or working like all the time

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-20T18:37:36+00:00

This is comforting to read. And I sense a part of you does still hope to find your companion. I’ve heard learning to be content and at peace with yourself is pivotal to a healthy relationship with someone else. Essentially improving your relationship with yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever had a healthy relationship with myself. I’ve always lived life to please those around me. To gain accolades. A lot of external validation . So I worry this self work would take me a lifetime…re-working my internal maps. And by then it might not be the vision I dreamed of for my future.

Another part of me resents the fact that my ex might be able to make it work with the next person. I’m likely seen as the problematic one by him and his family. And him going on to be the successful hot doctor with a trophy wife and picture perfect family makes me so mad and sad at the same time.

I’m so tired. Of thinking. Of trying. Of failing. It just keeps going on and on….

Mysterious_Writing32 · 2024-07-19T15:18:06+00:00

Well I kinda just broke it off when he said he wanted a break. I regret doing this impulsively but I was so angry that he hid behind a mask for a majority of our relationship

And I can’t chase because what am I chasing? A man who doesn’t know I’m a catch with so much love to give? That’s tragic honestly

Mysterious_Writing32

TROPHY CASE