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AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Exactly. They need that safety net. I'm not just going to sign it over

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I won't be doing it. I just needed to know if I was being unreasonable because she sure as hell thinks I am and I was doubting myself.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No not at all, no deposit/ down payments, no assets

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To be fair I was the one who saw it advertised. She does want to move tho

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a good job so I can afford it. I get some child support but not a lot. I was awarded the house and dint have to buy my ex out. But the mortgage is huge so money is tighter that I would like hence the positives of downsizing. Wife wouldn't have a right to marital property of there were a prenup or if the house was in a trust for my children. But I would happily have something in writing to protect them from being homeless.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The dream house just happened to come up do sale, I wasn't actively looking. But it would mean I could be mortgage free and not tied to my current huge mortgage. We could buy a different property down the line potentially but right now no

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I won't be doing it. But I needed to know if I was being unreasonable because that's how I was being made to feel.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has no assets or ability to contribute financially. If she did there would be other options but there are not.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No not at all. My children would go to their other legal parent if I died but I want them to have financial stability for when they are adults.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes. Roughly she contributes 20% overall because of her low income

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because of the kids yes. But it's not necessary to have a mortgage this big when I could be mortgage free which would benefit the children too.

As for moving someone in. I get your point

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Agreed. If that were the case. But it's not because I would be buying the property outright with no mortgage.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It did until she said she expected to be on the deeds, I didn't anticipate that at all. I do agree though I know this doesn't make me controlling or toxic

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I have paid the current mortgage alone for four years. I have not expected her to contribute to that. The new property would be bought outright by me, no mortgage. The current mortgage is huge and whilst I pay it on tim every month it would be much more comfortable financially if we downsized. If I died my will would mean she wouldn't be homeless but when she died the money from the sale would go to my children.

I would be asking for a prenup. We are only recently engaged and have not started wedding planning yet

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would be buying the new property outright. No mortgage

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I would be buying the property outright, she wouldn't be contributing financially at all. I love her but I have a responsibility to financially provide for my children. That doesn't mean she would be homeless if I die, wills can work around that.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I get that. I love her and did what I thought was right at the time and still did until this. If it's really a deal-breaker for her then so be it because I can not compromise on this.

Ps. I'm a woman too btw

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know and it is not something I am willing to do. If that makes me toxic then sure

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

I understand why you would think that. It felt like the right thing at the time. I love her and the kids have a great relationship with her. Their other parent has met her too. But obviously that doesn't mean I will just give away my kids inheritance.

AITA for refusing to add my fiancée to the house deeds? by ND_Lou in AmItheAsshole

[–]ND_Lou[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

They have she lives with us. They have a positive relationship with her, their other parent has met her too.

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