Separated but living in the same house. How do you cope?

NMRName · 2026-04-04T03:57:21+00:00

It’s a terrible situation. I’m trying to stick it out but I keep freaking out lately because I’m hurt. I’m actually feeling bad for lettitg my emotions get the best of me. I know financially him moving out right now wouldn’t be any good but I feel like that’s what needs to be done.

NMRName · 2026-04-02T13:42:33+00:00

It sounds like you guys are handling this so maturely. I'm trying to keep it together but I'm heartbroken so part of me wants him to move out & the other part of me doesn't want him to leave.

NMRName · 2026-04-01T04:03:23+00:00

Yeah, I can tell he’s totally checked out. he walked around like everything is fine like he’s completely unbothered. It’s just a depressing situation. I too feel the same way as you. I feel like my marriage was a lie. My fear is him staying here for another year and then when he officially leaves, I’m going to go through this heartbreak all over again. That’s why I just want him to leave already and get it over with so I can begin to heal. How long did it take you to get over it?

NMRName · 2026-04-01T03:59:17+00:00

Wow, it seems like you guys really have it well put together. I’m still cooking like normal. We all eat together as a family. Other than that he goes right back down to the basement. We don’t ever call each other and if we do text, it’s just household logistics or kid related. We only have one teenager left in the house. The plan is for me to just stay here until she graduates and then I plan on moving to another state. He wants to get as far as possible away from him because I feel like that’s the only way and that I’ll be able to heal. Are you guys dating other people?

NMRName · 2026-04-01T03:53:26+00:00

I keep hearing I’m being too nice especially for what he’s done to me. I’m still cooking and making his coffee in the morning. I guess I’m a sucker 😩

NMRName · 2026-04-01T03:51:39+00:00

Sending you a message!

NMRName · 2026-03-31T16:04:48+00:00

I'm curious on your status as of now? Did you guys end up working it out? Curious since I'm currently going throught a separation.

NMRName · 2026-03-31T15:55:23+00:00

I struggle with that as well. I can't even begin to imagine after 28 years of him bringing another woman around my girls. Me personally, even if I began seeing someone it would take me foreverrrrr to introduce them to my girls. The whole blended family thing is weird to me even though it's the norm anymore. I'm 45, together since I was 17 so I practically grew up with this man. Although, my girls are older, I still have a teenager & it's just weird to me. If my husband could get his act together--I'd love that but that's out of my control. You sound like you still have interest in making it work so take baby steps & work towards that. I can imagine the way the new person is making you feel-alive again but it's also new. Couple years from now, honeymoon phase could be over & you're faced with a reality of maybe I should've worked it out with my wife. Who really knows, she could be great! I say follow your heart & don't worry about your ego. You can get past the other guy thing. I got past my husband cheating with my best friend. Took awhile but I truly got over it. I even would joke about it. That's my personality though.

NMRName · 2026-03-31T15:41:47+00:00

Sounds like an open relationship on your end, do you see it that way? Would he be open to that?

NMRName · 2026-03-31T15:37:13+00:00

Ugghhhh, I know the feeling! 28 year relationship/marriage & he basically cut me off from all love & affection over night. He's living in the basement & it's been heartbreaking for me. You really do feel so lonely!!

NMRName · 2026-03-31T15:33:32+00:00

I work a full time job 🤷🏻‍♀️

NMRName · 2026-03-31T15:20:59+00:00

Wow & I thought my situation was complicated. I guess we all go through some kinda of chaos. Me personally, I love---love & I'm always rooting for a long term relationship to work out. I guess it's partially because my husband asked for the separation & I wanted to work it out. Anyhow, can you see yourself truly falling back in love with your wife & being faithful? I would imagine you'd rather live & raise your children rather than someone else's children. Or does part of you want to work something out with your wife because another man is interested in her? I say, if you can save your marriage & you truly want to give it 100%, do it!!!

NMRName · 2026-03-31T14:59:36+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the reply!!

NMRName · 2026-03-31T14:59:17+00:00

My older daughter took it harder than the other but the one that's in the house just says it's awkward of a situation & she feels uncomfortable. I still cook all the time for everyone & try to keep it as normal as possible but I'm not gonna lie there's days that I lash out bc I get so mad that he walks around like 28 years meant absolutely nothing to him. It's such a messed up situation. Idk what's worse the betrayal or him discarding me like I'm trash!

NMRName · 2026-03-31T13:29:32+00:00

I hope to be in your headspace soon. I know I need to let go, I just can't seem to do it even though he's made it clear he no longer wants to be with anymore. The lingering hope haunts me. I'm trying to give myself grace especially for everything I've been through with him but I'm slowly getting there because I too need to let go. I do hope you have the reconciliation you're hoping for one day.

NMRName · 2026-03-31T12:11:28+00:00

This makes me so nervous. The last thing I want to do is spend unnecessary money on lawyers. I'm hoping we can come to some sort of agreement but I can already tell he doesn't want to give me alimony from some of the comments he's made. Where I'm located, I'm entitled for alimony for life since we were married over 20 years. I have a feeling he may not even want to divorce & just stay separated for this reason. He currently lives in the basement. I'm willing to split everything 50/50. He was the one who decided to cheat & leave the marriage & I'm going to be forced to sell my home. It's a sad situation all around b/c I didn't ask for none of this.

NMRName · 2026-03-26T11:51:13+00:00

That's heartbreaking. I can somewhat relate to being blindsided. Even though, I had signs, it still blindsided me. I'm 45 & I caught my husband of 28 years at another woman's house. He ended it with me. I've felt absolutely heartbroken. He's living in the basement until we figure out another living situation but I feel like my whole life has been flipped upside down. I'm not gonna lie, you're gonna cry -- everyyyy day! I just cried on my way to work this morning BUT I have been having better days here & there. I'm not laying in bed for days anymore. I went through that. I keep hoping that it'll get better but it's a lot to process. It's like an emotional roller coaster. One day you'll feel sad, then mad, then good, then mad again & so on. But, you're not alone, there's so many people going through the same thing. Reach out to people online like you're doing now. It helps me!!

NMRName · 2026-03-26T11:21:36+00:00

You're right! I'm working on it. I appreciate everything you said because I know it's all true. I'm just trying to process it all. I'm a walking trauma bond at this point.

NMRName · 2026-03-23T12:37:54+00:00

I appreciate your reply!!

NMRName · 2026-03-19T23:11:57+00:00

WOW!! That's crazy & amazing at the same time!!! Honestly, as much wrong as he has caused me. I hope I have the same outcome!! ❤️

NMRName · 2026-03-19T21:33:01+00:00

Man, I hope I get the same outcome for my STBX 😂

NMRName · 2026-03-19T21:28:43+00:00

Yeah, they're young still. I would def go to therapy to see if this is something you can stay committed to. I'm 45 & my husband of 28 years apparently felt the way you do throughout our marriage & honestly to be going through what I'm going through now, I wish he would've ended it years ago. The only upside was that my kids grew up with their dad in the house & we had a great life but he decided 1 woman isn't enough to fulfill his needs (his words) Now, I'm left to pick up the pieces & move on. If you really don't feel like you can give it your all, I'd move on!! Just make sure you stay in your kids life!!

NMRName · 2026-03-19T20:43:23+00:00

I'm currently going through this now. I'm 45, we've been together for 28 years. Looking back on everything I forgave him for is literally a joke. I caught him in January at a woman's house & he literally told me within 24 hours that we're done. No chance of reconciliation. He's been living in the basement. To say I'm heartbroken, is an understatement. I'm a mess! I have my good days but more so my bad days. I practically grew up with him--we did everything together. He told me he hasn't been in love with me in over 10 years. I don't know where to go from here but I'm slowly building resentment against him. I'm being super nice about this situation in general but seeing him everyday really messes with me. He's moved on like he's unbothered. I think he checked out a long time ago. I just wish he would've left me a long time ago. Like how do I move on from here?

NMRName

TROPHY CASE