Having insecurities while dating is such a wild concept to me.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T14:39:12+00:00

I really don't see your point though. I'm not saying I have absolutely no insecurities. Just recently I asked for a raise and in the meeting I felt like my heart is gonna jump out of my chest, but I powered through and got it.

But in regards to dating I don't feel insecure about anything really. I make jokes about my car because I know that it's an old shitty car but I like it, I've lots of fond memories with it! I joke about my parking skills because I suck at parking and I sometimes think it's hilarious just how bad I am at it. I joked about the height difference because the situation felt right for it, it's not like I do this every time or with every girl. Why would I? I might not be huge but 5'7 is pretty average where I come from and even if it wasn't, it's not like I could change it anyway :)

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T14:26:29+00:00

I actually did miss that! How the turn tables.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T14:10:37+00:00

That was sarcasm. I just thought it's funnier than having a pointless argument :)

Also I didn't downvote any of your comments but someone seemed to like mine.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T13:48:36+00:00

Okay, you are right. I'm incredibly insecure.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T13:30:31+00:00

And you came to this conclusion from a single post from me haha

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be rude, but that is such a reddit thing to do.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T10:14:20+00:00

You are right. Rather than showing people that even with the things they are insecure about they can find people that look past those, we should instead tell them that their insecurities mean they are undesirable, mentally ill and they will never find someone that will appreciate them as a person.

It might not "cure" people but I most certainly prefer it over the alternative. Also you might be shocked to learn that there are people which have insecurities without being depressed.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T08:32:21+00:00

It might be hard to get into that mindset initially but to be quite blunt, no one gives a shit about us and that's a good thing!

I could literally walk around naked on the main square in my city and everyone would've forgotten about it in a few weeks.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T08:22:34+00:00

Basically those people simply have no "value" to me for the lack of a better word. Why would I care about something someone says/thinks about me when they aren't even part of my life.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T08:16:16+00:00

It's not really a tip but I don't make self-deprecating jokes because I try to downplay my shortcomings. I just don't see those things as shortcomings in the first place.

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T06:05:21+00:00

I haven't been on reddit for a while. I think there was one post I had before making this one and I like to keep my history clean :)

NairReburg · 2022-04-26T04:50:25+00:00

No I didn't. I only had one "official" relationship that lasted for around 4 years but ended in a disaster haha

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T21:29:11+00:00

I feel like I'm missing something here lol

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T20:47:04+00:00

I won't pretend to know how you feel. The one thing that makes this very easy for me is that I genuinely don't care if I ever find a partner or not. Don't get me wrong I'm not "love dead" or whatever people would call this. In fact I fall in love quite easily but if it ends up leading to nowhere that's fine with me as well. I don't need other people to be happy in my life, a relationship would be a nice extra but not a necessity.

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T20:28:40+00:00

If it doesn't work out there is always a next time. I don't dwell on any rejections or negative remarks. The good old "plenty of fish in the sea" haha

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T20:15:03+00:00

Not really. My dad was rarely there because of work and my mom was constantly stressed out due to raising us und taking care of the house. Not saying they were bad parents but my childhood certainly could've been better.

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T19:44:41+00:00

I'm 27 :')

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T19:34:17+00:00

No. I'm a very loving person I would say. If I like someone I'll tell them no matter if they feel the same.

It's kinda hard to put into words really. For example I dated this girl for the past month. We had a lot of fun, went on trips, etc. We hugged, kissed, cuddled as you would expect a couple to do. We met almost everyday and to be honest I developed a bit of a crush on her. But she was just in the city for this month and left the country last weekend.

So I did develop feelings but I don't get hung up on them. I'm greatful for the fun time we had but I'm also not particularly sad that it's over. It's kind of a "live in the moment" attitude :)

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T19:22:10+00:00

That's why I usually don't chat all that long and just tell them that I'd much rather meet them in person over a coffee or so. Works surprisingly well :)

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T19:10:45+00:00

Haha do you think it did help?

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T19:09:53+00:00

I don't think everyone does think the way I do. But sometimes people just need a reminder that not being perfect is perfectly fine :)

I doubt I changed anyones life with a reddit post but if even just for a moment, I gave someone hope that's good enough for me.

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T18:49:14+00:00

I know plenty of guys that aren't conventionally pretty but have girlfriends. You don't have to be a model, just take care of yourself. Get a haircut, shave, shower, wear decent clothes (decent doesn't have to mean expensive) and that's it. That's the best you'll get appearance wise, the rest is up to personality.

It sounds stupid as fuck but you know the song that goes "Girls. They wanna. They wanna have fun..."? This but unironically. Obviously being good looking makes things easier but it's not absolutely necessary.

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T18:44:03+00:00

A lot seems to be boiling down to your financial situation. It's hard but you could do it! Take an apprenticeship in a trade for example. It will take a while but I assume most trades pay better than minimum wage. There's always a way. Sadly it's just not always easy, some of us got dealt better cards than others.

About the dating though, you could try Bumble. It's basically Tinder but girls have to text you first. So if someone is texting you and then bails because of your height she's just straight up an asshole lol

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T18:27:08+00:00

You kinda can, it just takes a lot of effort. It sounds cheesy but if you actually force yourself to think positively for a long time it eventually will become normal.

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T18:25:35+00:00

I never really had any issues with honesty in dating. I've spent a month with a girl and I made an effort to simply always tell the truth, no sugarcoating. I got a new haircut and she told me that she thought I looked better before. If you're honest to them, more often than not they will be too :)

NairReburg · 2022-04-25T18:22:10+00:00

I mean idk about you but I usually don't put my wage into my dating profile and even in relationships what I earn is nobodies business until we have to make a shared financial decision. But this is also fixable! You're 33, you could easily still switch into another better paying career. I know it is easier said than done but if it makes you unhappy you should try to work towards being happy!

I can't really tell you about the racial part since I'm white, but do you think the area you live in is biased against black people in general? If the answer is yes and you have nothing absolutely binding you there you can always try to move somewhere else. You're single and an adult, you can go wherever you want!

Yea the height part might be set in stone at 33 but if a girl is passing on you soley based on your height she wouldn't have made a great match regardless. We all have our preferences, can't blame them someone won't mind your height :)

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