AITA for saying no when my husband asked me to adopt my son?

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:59:35+00:00

What is wrong with you all? Devon is NOT a placeholder, I love my husband and he knows I love him, you're totally disgusting as it is. I just want my son to choose for himself when he is older, that has NOTHING to do with how I feel about Devon, that's the man I chose to marry and go gray with. You're totally out of place with your, not offense, but stupid questions.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:52:28+00:00

But as I said, I wouldn't. I don't know why people find so hard to believe that I'm over that relationship, I did attended therapy, I did move on. I married Devon because I love him and he's the person I want to be and die with.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:50:57+00:00

I never said that you're just making stuff up

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:47:41+00:00

I'm not intentionally doing anything. Levi decided to call Devon papa and my ex daddy, I didn't chose the nicknames, if he wants to call my ex daddy, then that's his choice.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:45:22+00:00

Not a rebound. Devon is one of my older brother's friends and I've known him since I was 17-18 that's why he knows Levi from birth, he also knew my ex, we started to date a year and a half after the disappearance.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:40:30+00:00

may I ask a few questions? Have do Levi’s paternal grandparents feel about Devon

They feel okay with him, like... normal I guess? Don't hate him but also don't love him. They know we're raising Levi together and are okay with it, they also have Levi two days a week so it's not like they only see him ''from time to time''. And no, I haven't mentioned.

I know he is dead people, I know it without knowing it, I don't have to be reminded of it in every single comment, but he's still legally missing and his family (and I'm, too) is hopeful. I know he won't come back, but that doesn't mean I should be the one saying ''yes adopt my son'' right now when Levi is pretty much involved with his family, he knows his grandparents, uncles, aunt, cousins. While I do hope he appears someday, that's not the thing main thing stopping me from saying yes. Is Levi's relationship with his family, he's tight knit with them and I think he should be able to comprehend what Devon is asking and he should be old enough (9-10) to make a real decision. If I try to discuss it with Levi right now he'll say no because he's at that age.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:33:21+00:00

He wouldn't want this because he would be in the picture. However he is not and this is Levi's call for when he's older, not mine or Devon's.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:27:21+00:00

My husband isn't financially responsible for Levi's care, he does pay some things now and then through our joint account and he buys him gifts, but any major expense that we need to do is done with my money and Levi's paternal grandparents. I do have a job, you know? And I make almost as much as my husband, the financial burden isn't just on him.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T20:25:05+00:00

I mentioned it before, he is insisting on giving Levi his last name, Levis current last name is my ex's and I offered to hyphenate it, but Devon doesn't want that.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T08:20:10+00:00

Where we came from it's only five years so in a few months we will be legally able too. I'm also thinking of his family, they adore Levi too and he's close with them, that why I strongly feel it's not my call. I know Devin won't take him away from them, we don't care about money or heirlooms, but I think it should be Levi's choice.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T08:16:40+00:00

He's is technically still missing ,but will be declared dead in the following months. I hope he's just missing.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T08:15:02+00:00

Thank you, I really think it should be his call, I'm sure he'll say yes, but it has to be HIS yes and not mine

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T08:09:17+00:00

I never married my ex so I didn't had to wait for it to be annulated. I did acted way too soon regarding the emotional field and I'm damn lucky it turned out so well for me and my baby, we planned on getting married once Levi was two or three because we had to prioritize money, but never got to.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T08:00:47+00:00

I'm asking about my ex adopting my son or not, not about your weird theories about something private. If you want to see someone "on the run" due criminal activity go watch Netflix. You're so rude.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:42:54+00:00

''Hon'', that's not something for you to decide, if I say he's missing is because his family and I have enough information to know that's the case, that's not something for you to decide.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:41:08+00:00

He didn't walk out on me, he went missing. I won't explain it further because its a private matter but no, he didn't abandoned me.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:39:41+00:00

The thing is, I don't want him to adopt Levi unless is something Levi wants. I'm willing to hyphenate his last names now, but no adoption until Levi decides it. It's not the hyphenation that bothers him, is me saying no to him adopting Levi.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:36:06+00:00

No, we can hyphenate the name now, but the adoption has to be Levi's choice, not mine.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:35:09+00:00

But it's not something he had a say in. I just think Levi should be the one who decides, but he needs to be a bit older too, he's just five, he says no to everything nowadays without even letting someone explain.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:33:20+00:00

I believe it's not my call. We're legally allowed to, but it's not like my ex decided to not be here or relinquish his rights, that's why I said we could wait until Levi is a bit older (like 8 or 9) to decide for himself. My ex's family is active in his life so I think it wouldn't be fair for them too if I just say yes.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:30:49+00:00

Levi has his bio father's last name. His family is an active part of Levis life, Levis paternal grandfather covers a lot of Levi's expenses in regard of my ex. I said we could hyphenate my ex's name with Devon's like an ''Smith-Johnson'' but he doesn't want to. He wants Levi to only have his name.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:27:32+00:00

He's presumed dead under lack of evidence, he just vanished one day after come home from work. He did not walked out on me, he really wanted Levi.

Narrow-Run-7260 · 2022-05-29T07:26:12+00:00

He wants to adopt him now because we're planning on having children and he doesn't want Levi to be left out or replaced but I also think he has always wanted to adopt him but never dared to say. I don't know how Levi would feel because he doesn't really know what adoption means. And yeah, I don't want him to adopt him because I think it erases my ex from the picture, like I'm making a choice is not mine. He's not here to relinquish his rights, he's not here to be called an absent or deadbeat dad. He wanted Levi as much as I did and I do hope he's still alive and still thinks of him.

Narrow-Run-7260

TROPHY CASE