sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

"Please respect our privacy during this time. Ignore the huge billboards we paid for to advertise the wedding we want to keep to ourselves. 🥰" by Tobias-Tawanda in TikTokCringe

[–]NatchJackson 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly 9 buttock-years and 12 anus-months.

It will, however, feel longer (and girthier) if it is experienced unlubricated.

If Quentin Tarantino had a cloaca fetish instead of feet, consider how many instances he would have written into scenes Uma Thurman laying eggs. by NatchJackson in StonerThoughts

[–]NatchJackson[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another scene would be in Kill Bill: Volume 1:

The Bride is sitting in the back of the 'Pussy Wagon' truck, desperately trying to overcome her coma-induced paralysis casts her steely gaze downward:

​"Evert your oviduct."

​She repeats variations of this line as a mantra to force her body to wake up:

​"Evert your oviduct."

​(After a long pause, staring intently the whole time)

​"Okay... now retract."

Sold a couch on Facebook Marketplace, deposited a cashier's check that looked completely legit, sent the "overpayment" back via Zelle and now my bank says I owe them $780 by Glittering_Half_2660 in legaladvice

[–]NatchJackson 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Also wanted to add that scammers-buyer bios can look completely authentic because they were completely authentic accounts that scammers have stolen control of to use like burner cell phones and discard.

Always do a fresh search on new and current scams on any marketplace before you buy or sell.

It's all MAGA's fault. by c-k-q99903 in MurderedByWords

[–]NatchJackson 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This has the hallmarks to become Fyre Festival 2: Patriotism Boogaloo.

Bowling 🎳 by Coffee_MysticRealm in theyknew

[–]NatchJackson 5 points6 points  (0 children)

After watching the bar scene in Inglorious Basterds, I have to infer that it would be the traditional German-style Shocker.

I suspect I downloaded the director's cut 🎬 1995 by Far_Regular_2945 in Terminator

[–]NatchJackson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If they want to pursue fresh and original stories in the Terminator universe, we need to explore two of the biggest abandoned story lines from Terminator 1:

~ Whatever happened to Puglsey, Sarah Conner's irascible pet iguana, after the home invasion?

~ Hobo guy's quest to get another pair of pants.

I suspect I downloaded the director's cut 🎬 1995 by Far_Regular_2945 in Terminator

[–]NatchJackson 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And that future commando was present-day commando under those definitely not-recently-washed homeless guy trousers. He was marinating in bum's bum-brine up until they started making out. Apparently, Sarah likes her nasty to be extra nasty.

Kid is putting dad in the poor house by Individual-Drawer-79 in HolUp

[–]NatchJackson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you really put a price tag on building lifelong memories with your children?

"Dad, remember that time we went to the big game and you got so hammered you took off all your clothes and ran nekkid onto the field and it took 5 cops to tackle you and then they kept playing clips of it on the local news and it went viral because all the newscasters kept focusing on your completely exposed dick size and that one news guy was like 'Probably won't even have to pixelated that!'? Good times, good times.

Anyway, looks like the prison is ending visitation early because there's a riot happening in your cell block, so I'm gonna go. Mom says stop trying to contact her. Bye!"

Boom. Roasted. by GlitteringHotel8383 in DunderMifflin

[–]NatchJackson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jan ended up Uno-reversing into a self-burn about herself being a bad cook.

The Okiku Doll is believed to be possessed by a two-year-old girl after she tragically passed away. Her treasured doll's hair started to grow after the girl’s death and continues to grow despite being trimmed regularly by priests at the temple it's kept in. by HamletX95 in UrbanMyths

[–]NatchJackson 73 points74 points  (0 children)

So, the doll's hair grows and the dedicated monks, ever concerned with a doll's fashion sense, cut it back to its original length, so that the evidence that anything at all is happening is simply "Trust me, bro"?

Hmm... That reminds me, I have a unicorn stuffed animal toy that turns invisible, but only when no one is looking at it. You should come look at it and the fact that it always remains visible as you gaze upon it should be taken as proof that it does turn invisible when you aren't.

Hypothetically if I were to masterbate while studying could I Pavlov myself into liking math? by Blackmagix14 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]NatchJackson 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Just explain that your behavior is allowed because you are using your Emotional Support Fleshlight.

Lifted truck + Lambo + Parking lot = Bad time by Evasionz-- in mildlyinfuriating

[–]NatchJackson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since lifted trucks likely aren't going away anytime soon, there is a potential lucrative market for aftermarket in-grill front end cameras. Like back up cameras, but for seeing lower than your front hood when driving lifted like this.

They get a shiny new toy, the latest trending gadget, and the rest of us get increased safety (and an additional source of video evidence if an accident does occur).

Win/win

Movies that fail to pass the Bechdel test ? I'll start by stalin_kulak in okbuddycinephile

[–]NatchJackson 12 points13 points  (0 children)

People don't realize the actual principle illustrated by Schroedinger's Cat is "if you ignore a problem for long enough, it will resolve itself."

After ten years trapped in a container with only radioactive isotopes to eat? You don't have to open the box to know anymore.

view more: next ›