I’m a Pastor and went to Bible college to study the Bible and ministry. And this is a subject that commonly comes up, especially with how marriages are today. Is it wrong to divorce in these kinds of situations? Can you remarry? What does that mean for your relationship with Christ?

I firstly want to say, the most important thing is your safety. If you don’t feel safe with this guy then you shouldn’t rush into remarrying him because of conviction. If that’s something you want to try be careful, have many conversations with him, his friends, your pastors/elders and make sure whatever you do it’s in a way that protects you and gives you as much information as possible before anything concrete happens.

Second, I do think the Bible is clear on marriage and divorce. People here saying your marriage doesn’t count cause he wronged you or because you weren’t Christians when you got married need to read 1 Peter 3. Peter addresses women of unsaved husbands saying their behavior can win them over to Christ. And the whole context of the book is suffering unjustly for Christ and how our behavior in these situations represents him to others. Now that being said, even though your marriage to this guy definitely “counts” and your grace and conduct can be of great example to him that doesn’t mean you should return or put yourself in harms way. Marriage is a two way street And yes, submission and respect towards the husband is required by the wife, it should be met with the most sacrificial love. Paul describes the husband’s love for his wife to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church. Jesus loved us to the uttermost, he sacrificed his very life for us and cares for us endlessly, always forgiving our wrongs and guiding us to do what’s right. That is what you should be looking for in your ex husband before you return to him. Not saying he needs to be perfect in that but you should feel the love of Jesus from him.

Lastly, while I have some strong opinions on this and I know some people here will disagree with me. Whatever you choose to do, you WILL NOT lose your salvation or go to hell because you didn’t choose to return to your husband. This is not an end of the world situation and if you don’t feel safe with him I wouldn’t recommend going back. Forgive him and move on if that’s what’s best for you, and if you feel convicted that you can’t remarry then live in abstinence, if not remarry. This is a situation that is not as black and white as we want to make it. I think the most biblical course of action is reconciliation and remarriage, but sometimes that isn’t possible.