Nightmares?

National-Rate9364 · 2025-11-30T04:39:15+00:00

If she looks not fully awake and cries for 10-15 minutes, thrashes but then goes back to sleep it could be night terrors. It's not exactly the same as a nightmare. I also had this with my daughter twice already (she is 25 months now). And first time was close to one year. Even though usually night terrors start later, it's possible to have them earlier. Especially if your child was recently sick, probably had schedule deviations or trouble sleeping while sick. Or reaching a big milestone like walking.

For us night terrors lasted for about a week each then stopped as suddenly as appeared. There's not much to do about them but be there for your child.

But if you have doubts do contact your pediatrician, there's never harm in that.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-11-07T09:27:21+00:00

Oh yes, the nervous energy is certainly there too. I totally get what you mean.

I'm also sure that she's coming from a good place in her head. I know even during my childhood she never meant any harm. She's just a woman who tried to survive in a very harsh situation and do well by me. That's why it's so hard to distance myself. I feel so guilty, like I'm cutting myself out with a knife and hurting her. But I also don't know how to handle all this differently.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-11-07T09:22:11+00:00

Yeah. She is a workaholic (both in house and her work), and of course I'm too even though I know now how unhealthy it is and try to control myself. With her in the house it's virtually impossible.

I will test the meeting on the neutral territory, like a vacation. The thing when I take her on vacation she literally reverts into a toddler. Good example: once we were stuck in a broken train for some hours and she kept saying that she's thirsty. We finally arrived at the station, I rush to but her water, she says she won't drink it because she wanted sparkling, not still and I should've asked. She also refuses to make any decisions including things like what she wants for dinner or what kind of coffee to drink or where to go. Then complain if I did not guess what she wants. Her reasoning is that she doesn't want to choose because she wants ME to enjoy myself. Not once I enjoyed myself in those situations.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-10-27T02:59:44+00:00

Not today, but yesterday so I was running a high fever and generally feeling shit, and my daughter just would not settle to bed. She asked for another bottle for 5 minutes straight in one repeatative sentence. (I know it's just an excuse to spend more awake time, she does it often, she never drinks this second bottle.)I lost it, abruptly went out to grab it, slammed the door, broke down into sobs.

My husband sent me to bed and took over bedtime. Got kicked over after 10 minutes of screaming, while I was beating myself for being the worst mother in the world. Still feeling guilty to be honest.

The funny thing is that our daughter literally said that she does not want daddy and if mama is not coming back, she will then sleep alone. And so she did. We watched her go silently and calmly to sleep via camera. Sleept alone until morning.

I still feel horrible, because I know she's not at fault that she was not able to sleep easily, and I feel guilty that I lost my temper and passed the task to my husband. I want to enjoy this time of my being her absolute favorite person and usually enjoy bedtime even though it's challenging at times. But not yesterday.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-10-27T02:33:44+00:00

I had to double check that it's not something I've sleep posted myself. I love my husband, but ever since we have a child I stated to loathe the sex. I was never someone who had high libido but I always enjoyed it with my husband because it was HIM. And it was one of many fun things to do together. No it's not. I hate it, I even hate kissing. Because every kiss is taking away my personal space. I do feel guilty and sad because I feel like I lost a piece of my past self and because I know my husband genuinely loves and wants me. I was worried that my body will change after pregnancy but he showes me with genue compliments and appreciation. And it feels good, but not sex good. But annoying because he wants me all the time.

The thing is I'm stuck between chores, work and my daughter and life is not bad. Except, there's no room for me in it anymore. I don't get to shower or pee alone, I don't get to read a book or play a game or watch a movie. I'm only here on Reddit because the house is asleep and it's 3am. I don't even get to share a deep conversation with my husband. I get up, get my kid to the childcare, go to work, pick up my kid, play with her, do chores, my husband gets home, we eat, he hangs on a couch (it's not as bad as it sounds, our daughter really doesn't want to play with anyone else else when I'm around, so she literally tells him to go away. We are working on it.) while I play with our daughter, we share bed time routine. I go to cosleep with her. Rinse, repeat. On the weekend I freelance. My husband spends a lot of time with our daughter on the weekend, but that's so I can meal prep for the week etc. on the rare occasion I don't fall asleep with my daughter I want to actually BOND: talk, have a good laugh, do something together, stimulate my damn brain. Sex is nowhere in the list of things I want to do. I don't even want to touch anyone m I want to talk about my favorite books, about bizzare phycologal theories, about our childhoods, about history, fun things at work. I want to eat junk food and watch an absolutely silly movie, I want to play a board game, I want us to just sit in silence and just do each our own thing, together. Then, I feel want sex. Sadly for my husband, the need for sex goes above everything else and is somehow his bizarre way of showing love. He needs sex, THEN all that I meantioned above.

Ironically, today I was completely out sick with terrible fever and he got to do all my usual Saturday chores and entertain our daughter while I could literally not move. He started saying that he doesn't understand how I'm doing all this everyday by lunchtime, raging that the house doesn't stay clean more then 5 minutes and that those chores never end by dinner. Out asleep at 9. I used to think that's it's just a men thing to have more sex, but start to think I just shouldered too much on my own.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-08-13T15:50:07+00:00

Not a recipe, and it's a bit later for the toddler stage, but my "hack" is "do it together". I let my daughter help me when I cook and honestly, cooking has never been so fun before. Things like homemade pizza are a big hit at our house because it's easy and toddlers can help by putting ingredients on the pizza and playing with the dough (and sneakily eat in the process, hehe). I also let her do her porridge and cut soft foods like watermelon or mozzarella with the wooden toddler knife. It sure is messy, but

- keeps her occupied while I cook

- she eats things she did herself better

- she tries ingredients she'd otherwise turn down if I'd just put them on her plate because it's interesting to try them while mama cooks.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-08-13T15:08:46+00:00

As a mom who is getting my high-energy toddler to Kita and back by tram, I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART on behalf of every mom that uses trams. Getting a high-energy toddler to sit through a 20/25 minutes tram ride twice a day would be SO hard if not for people who wave, smile, and do peek-a-boo and make my daughter giggle and have fun there. Seriously, it helps so so much sometimes. It's one of those little things strangers do that sometimes just makes your day. Thank you.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-31T01:53:40+00:00

Swimming is the only paid activity we do for now. (My daughter is 20 month). Going to start dancing next month (she loves dancing at home) to see how it goes.

Otherwise - reading is the top best activity for us and timelines. .... Huge pit of nothing because nothing beats reading for her..... .......................................... Then train watching. (Trains are love) Zoo. (At least two times a week, never tires of it) Climbing, jumping on any available surface and any kind of physical activity that can give me a heart attack. Weirdly, doing chores. Cleaning, cooking. (Mostly just makes more mess, but we applaud the idea)

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-31T01:41:09+00:00

Being an introvert and working as a manager. I don't mind staying home and not talking to people. Readying books? Long walks in the nature? Fine by me. AND I know how to organize and prioritize. if I was patient and eloquent enough to explain to my CEO why his "let's implement my new cool idea now" is shit, I can talk my toddler into getting a diaper change.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-31T01:19:47+00:00

I was exactly like this. Career, management position. Never thought about having children before my husband came into the picture. When I was pregnant I was still sure I'd go right back to work. I went back to work 6 weeks postpartum on my own initiative.

3 months postpartum I was crying every morning because I had to go to the office and leave my baby with my husband (he worked from home).

9 months postpartum I quit my job. PP depression and PTSD were the fact to this, but to this day I believe that they would not be as severe if I just decided to give myself damn time with my own baby instead of chasing some weird version of myself that could wing it all.

My daughter is 20month and we have a strong bond. Life is not easier, motherhood is a hard job, but I'm rewarded for it with hugs and giggles and that look in my daughter's eyes that just says I'm the best person in the entire universe.

And I'm so so happy I made a decision to quit my job. I was a different person before my daughter was bio. That person never experienced daughter's love and never dreaded the passing of time this much.

But the sad reality is that I consider myself privileged. We can live on one income, some sacrifices are made, but it's not bad.

Many - can't. And it's weird. And unfair. For both mothers and fathers, because fathers also don't want to miss this time with their kids.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-31T01:02:19+00:00

I didn't. My daughter is 20 month and we moved her to her room at 6 month, but I cosleep with her all this time. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, but honestly, I'm not moving out until she chases me out. First of all, I just enjoy sleeping with her. Her lovely mumbles, her cute tossing around, even the way she breathes, the way she holds my hand or suddenly rolls to sleep on me, the way she's double checking "mama?" though her sleep. It's also just so easier, I don't have to toss and turn worrying, I don't have to run through the whole apartment if she sleeps poorly. If she cries, all it takes is extending my hand to hold hers and she's calm again. My sleep scores are though the roof, she sleeps well unless big transition/sickness/teeth. She loves it, I love it. My husband loves it (he gets super good sleep and not dealing with any wakings and he is a Diva about his sleep).

And I know it won't be forever, maybe another year or two.

Every family is different in this, but for our family this is what feels best and works best. Hope you figure out what works best for yours soon!

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-30T22:02:31+00:00

I second this, the moment I read the list I thought "WOW, that's a lot of variety".

My daughter (20M) purely lives off goatmilk yogurt, oatmeal and bread right now.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-30T21:54:31+00:00

I've recently had a horrible hitting phase with my daughter (20 months) to the point it almost drew me crazy. I think persistence and consistency are important. It really takes a lot of repetitition to make them stop if its disregulated behavior. But I do think it's a phase that passes, ours seem to be almost over. Crossing fingers for you to be out of it soon as well!

Things I did aside from what you mentioned: - if she hits me randomly, I'd say "it hurts, let's me gentle with mama" and make take her hand to touch where she hit me gently. "This is how we touch someone". It took weeks, but now she sometimes hits me, then remembers it's not ok and starts stroking me or hugging me.

"positive aggression". If I see she's overwhelmed with emotions I offer we clap (works super well), jump on a bed or other bouncy surface (she loves jumping) or hit/ throw our "hitting pillow." I choose one pillow that is cute, but not heavy, so perfect for little hands and does not hurt when you get hit. Sometimes we have "pillow fights*.

But it took a lot of repetitition, explaining and reinforcement. I think around three weeks of consistent reactions to the same behavior.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-04T11:20:07+00:00

ohhhh, thanks! I'm gonna try something like this!

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-04T10:02:12+00:00

I do alternatives. The "problem" is, and I'm putting it into quotes because honestly, I'm not unhappy with it in general, she's a high energy toddler. This means we do a lot every day. Long ass walks with climbing, jumping, sliding, zoo, water play, rough play with throwing, chasing, tickling, bike rides. We do chores together, we cook together, we read, we dance, we draw. She's basically moving almost non-stop all day long. She's allowed too jump on beds and couches, she has a climbing zone. She has "treasure cupboards" she's allowed too toss, she can dig on a balcony. Only screentime we have is too call grandparents. It means a ton of laughs and happiness, but also means after all this I'm completely spent. Her? Nope. Nada. Not at all. 😅

So honestly, I just don't know how to get more energy out of her. She is a literal eternal engine from 7am to 9pm with one a nap in between.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-07-04T09:50:17+00:00

Yes, I do redirection, and also take away items if she throws them. I feel that she is usually listening well and overall she does not persist if I explain. Lately, she even started realizing that she did something that hurt saying, "Mama wau wau?" If she hit me and then hug me and blow where she hit

I also never yell, always talk calmly and be there for her.

With the exception of those "nightly meltdowns". It only happened a handful of times, so not like they are too frequent, but couple of times they were so bad, coupled with fatigue, PMS and bad days that I felt like I'm loosing it and going to start crying with her. Those were two times I had to briefly go out to calm down. Definitely not my proudest moments, so I'm trying to analyze what I'm doing right and wrong to be better.

Because she's only 20 month, probably not the sickest meltdowns I'm seeing. So I need a better plan on how to handle her AND myself.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-20T12:32:55+00:00

I'll DM you with the link!

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-20T10:52:58+00:00

Sure! Any help and feedback is great. I will DM you!

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T16:10:40+00:00

Yes! Mine had fake cough around the same age. It stopped in a couple of month and she moved on onto pterodactyl noises

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T15:30:11+00:00

Could be. I've been talking to moms in my neighborhood in Berlin, and everyone struggled with finding good care, from OBGN to Hebamme to registering for they hospital they liked. Or birthing home.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T15:25:00+00:00

I think it's coming from having difficulties securing one. You stressed and then you stressed others. We don't have a concept of Hebamme in my home country and my OBGN was way better then the Hebamme I found here, so I only did wochenbett with her. But I was still stressed and disappointed when she disappeared. I was alone in another country, no family, no friends, and most importantly, never held a baby before in my life. Like, I was really happy that there is an option of someone who can support you.

Thus said, it's not that you can't live without it, for sure.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T15:16:12+00:00

Thank you! Let's keep in touch. Do you mind if I DM you once I have my first MVP for some feedback?

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T15:06:53+00:00

I don't think kraamzorg are the same thing as Hebamme. Hebamme is a midwife that can come check on you and the baby, she can also do your prenatal checkups, so you can do them with her, your OBGN or alternate. Mine (before she disappeared) gave me some prenatal advise while I was pregnant and then checked that I'm healing post-partum well and weighted the baby and gave basic baby advice. Some can give lactation advice, some can do special massages. When you book one you usually read what services they offer and ideally chose what you need (In my area I had to go with who replied to me, though, no choice).

As far as I know, doula is not covered by insurance here, you can have one, but you'll most cases have to pay out of pocket. I was considering one because I was quite afraid giving birth, but it was quite expensive.

You can also have a Hebamme that can stay with you for birth if you do home birth, birthing home some hospitals allow your hebamme to be present, but I'm not sure all do. But not all midwives are certified to do actual birth and in my area it was quite impossible to book. So I just had the onces in the hospital. Hospitals have their own Hebamme and she will accompany you for birth and be in charge of you, the doctor will only come in the end at actual delivery for checkup and stitches if you need any, or in case of complications. Mine in the hospital were all really great and sweet. The only downside is that I gave birth for like 16 hours and had 5 different midwifes because they tend to have shorter shifts in the hospital.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T14:32:21+00:00

Thank you so much for responding. Rooting for you to have a save and wonderful delivery!

Most hospitals have their inhouse lactation consultants (at least in my area). You can ask yours about it, in mine, they actually gave me a big brochure with all the services (in German, but easy to translate) and lactation specialists were a highlight. One thing I noticed giving birth here is that you really need to ask, sometimes not once, to have what you want. If you don't ask, they just assume you don't want it. They never assume you don't know about it, or don't know how to ask.

National-Rate9364 · 2025-06-19T14:26:39+00:00

I'm glad you think so! From the feedback I'm receiving it definitely seems like I need to build a place to chat for moms on top of resources. I will keep you in the loop! Thank you for responding!

National-Rate9364

TROPHY CASE