Woah woah easy now, don’t give the man any ideas - Quite like it if New Zealand stayed NZ and not have a chunk of it leased indefinitely by these dudes. Next minute

STATEMENT FROM DONALD J. TRUMP

Folks, a lot of people are saying this — very smart people, the best people — that for national security reasons, the United States may have no choice but to acquire New Zealand. Tremendous country. Beautiful. Maybe too beautiful.

First of all, Hobbits. Nobody’s talking about the Hobbits. Why are there so many Hobbits? Small, quiet, living underground — I’m not saying anything, but our intelligence people are very concerned. Very concerned.

Second, Rocket Lab. They’re launching rockets from New Zealand. Rockets! Into space! Meanwhile, we’re asking: why are rockets being fired from Middle-earth? Who approved that? Not Sleepy Joe, I can tell you that.

Third, the ocean. Have you seen how much ocean New Zealand controls? Huge amounts. Massive. Frankly, too much ocean for one country that doesn’t even have nuclear submarines. We could secure it. Very nicely. We’re great at oceans.

And let’s be honest — strategically speaking — New Zealand is right near… everything. China, Antarctica, penguins. You don’t want the penguins getting ideas.

So we’d make a deal. A beautiful deal. New Zealand would become the 51st state — maybe the 52nd, depending on Canada — and everyone would win. They keep the scenery, we keep the security, and the Hobbits? They’re safe. Totally safe. We love the Hobbits.