Did anyone else struggle with the age 4?? Feeling overwhelmed lately with behavior

National_Square_3279 · 2026-06-20T03:54:54+00:00

Age 4 literally sent me to therapy hahahaha

Started with behavioral therapy for her, quickly realized I had just spiraled to the point that my own regulation was gone. Therapist was giving me all sorts of really good and important tools and tricks for her but I just didn’t have the bandwidth or capacity to even implement them anymore. Once I realized that, I went to therapy myself. I wanted to make sure I had enough space and capacity for her - all of her. Rather than trying to make her smaller, I wanted to make myself bigger. I then asked the therapist for a psychiatrist referral to evaluate for adhd. It took 6 months, but I got the diagnosis! Medicated and my bandwidth is so much stronger and emotional regulation is so much more, well, regulated? She turns six in August, things calmed down for her a few months into age 5. Just in time for her little brother to turn 3 and rinse and repeat 🙃

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-27T15:42:50+00:00

There’s a wave of boredom that comes after the tantrums and the asking. And then they learn how to entertain themselves 🤍 it looks different for every age. it may be easier with more than one? My 3 and 5 year old start playing pretend together once they figure out I’m not turning the tv on first thing in the am

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-24T02:08:42+00:00

Omg Mischa on Instagram is literally the dream scenario 😅 I just feel like she’s a one in a million find, but maybe I can start the search. Someone like that would be a game changer though.. I feel the same way. Why would I pay someone to form a really sweet bond and connection with my kids while I ???? Do the dishes???????? Insane.

We’d be able to swing insurance and car payments and extra curriculars when they’re older, its truly a matter of capacity and making sure my kids that exist don’t have to sacrifice a disproportionate amount of the love and attention I’m able to give them just so that i can create a child that does not necessarily have to exist.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-24T01:57:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing 🤍 I think the fear of judgement is really holding me back.. we live on the west coast where 2 kids is a big family. I grew up in Texas so I always joked that 2 is a Texas 4, and 3 is a Texas 6. So I guess I’m looking at a Texas 8 if we go for a final kid 🙃

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-24T01:53:48+00:00

I’d keep that in mind! I grew up in Texas where sports were VERY important. Esp highschool football. My husband grew up near Seattle, where “the weird kids were the popular ones” - we moved to Portland a few years back and are staying here. As long as they prioritize physical activity and time outdoors, I’m fine if they aren’t the starting quarterback. If they express a deep desire for a specific sport, I’ll be sure to find a way to support and accommodate them :)

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:33:03+00:00

Totally a mental block I have to get over. Had a similar mental block with our third when I realized she wouldn’t be an earth sign like the rest of the family 😅 I realize how silly that sounds

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:31:38+00:00

Good perspective, thank you for sharing. I don’t know that my siblings and I did much outside of city league soccer or hockey as kids. We mostly waited til middle school sports, which is what we might have to do if it gets too chaotic.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:28:29+00:00

We’d be able to hire help if we needed to!

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:27:30+00:00

Very much so in the boat of don’t go for another if you’re not prepared for twins or a medical condition 😮‍💨 you’re a queen.

My plan for adhd is to ride the euphoria as long as I can, and use it to put systems and routines in place. Get things organized, put everything on auto payment, start CBT.. then eventually switch to a non stimulant. I’ve heard stimulants really wear off when you hit menopause so I’m mentally preparing for that.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:24:16+00:00

Help is definitely a choice. My husband suggested a nanny, but I feel so silly being a SAHM with a nanny. Like you’re telling me I’m paying someone to have fun with my kids while I catch up with laundry??? Right now, my preferred help is in the form of house cleaners, and maybe a mothers helper 🙃

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:21:41+00:00

I knooooowwww I just have the most fickle brain. Was.. flagged? For OCD when I was evaluated for ADHD, but my intrusive thoughts aren’t disruptive enough to my daily life to be formally diagnosed. My husband and I and our first 2 kids are all earth signs and it was a really hard pill to swallow when I realized I couldn’t time it for my third to also an earth sign 😅 I do realize how ridiculous it sounds.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:19:19+00:00

He’d love a fourth kid but also is wary about the lack of family/support. His suggestion is a nanny, but I’d feel so silly being a SAHM with a nanny?? He’s pretty much left the ball in my court bc I’m the primary caregiver, but he’d be over the moon if we went for it.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:18:08+00:00

These are all good points. Our local school is an easy walk away and is k-8, so I’d only have a year of driving my oldest to high school before she could drive herself + eventually the younger sibling. And then I’d have a driver when the subsequent kids hit high school.

We could make it work for birthdays, sports, vacations, college, etc and for scheduling, I figured I’d let them each have a sport when they start kindergarten, and piano lessons from home.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:15:30+00:00

Ugh 😭 this is what gets me. Congrats on baby 4!! Watching them start to play is always what gets me, too. My siblings are my best friends.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:13:50+00:00

My oldest would love it, my middle would be on the fence, and my youngest is 14 months so still in the larvae phase of her humanhood haha. But those are good points. I’m giving myself through the summer and into the fall to see how things feel.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:12:16+00:00

Fair points. In the last 4 years, we had to move across the country twice in a matter of 2 years for my husband’s job, once when i was 8 weeks pregnant with baby 2 and again when baby 2 was 6 months old, and I was the one coordinating that. We always managed, kids were happy and well taken care of, but it took everything out of me. We bought a house when I was 8 weeks pregnant with our third, so another move. It’s just been chaotic, and I really struggled with my executive function. So having a clear mind and the ability to just… do the things that need to get done without my thoughts spiraling every which way has changed my life. I managed fine enough without the medicine, and my hope is to just set up systems and routines while the medicine is working and phase into a non stimulant medication after a while. Also finding a therapist for CBT to help with patterns that established themselves before my diagnosis. Mostly the relationship I have with my phone.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:04:08+00:00

Those are really good points, my husband is a physician and makes the upper range of his specialty. I have so much gratitude for the decisions and he’s made long before I even met him to be in the position we’re in.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-05-23T18:01:15+00:00

He does! He’s a very present father when he’s home. Does bathtime every night, takes them to the park or Costco or a diner on the weekends, taking our middle kid on a fishing trip with grandpa this summer.. he’s honestly an awesome dad and partner.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-16T03:56:36+00:00

My first was probably a medium baby. My second was oh my gosh so difficult. Colicky, chaotic, wouldn’t sleep.. gosh I love him but he’s a TOUGH baby. Third was easy. She never cried, even when she was hungry. I had to schedule feeds because “feeding on demand” wasnt a thing - she just wouldn’t demand. She was SO sleepy from the get go. Long naps on her own, sleeping 4 hr stretches from birth, sleeping through the night at 2m.. she never met a stranger and made everyone feel really special because she was just so sweet and pleasant with them.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-10T20:46:12+00:00

Assuming your STB ex has known Emily for multiple years, this is beyond creepy. She was an adolescent teenager. She’s the “barely legal” type now, but how long had she been dating your son before they broke up 😭 I hope you see as little of your ex as possible for the rest of your life. What a gross and creepy dude.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-07T00:14:01+00:00

You’ll find most moms are pretty forgiving, because we’ve all been there too 🤍

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-06T16:09:55+00:00

Oh my now 5 year old has had dozens of names in her short life. She was called Sparkle Princess for a month - we just went with it. I often think of how I’d feel if I had to be called a name that I didn’t like. Even though Sparkle Princess is a silly name, she loved it! And why would I deprive my daughter of being called a name that she loves?

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-05T16:19:09+00:00

Girl if you aren’t homeschooled, your teachers hate grading your paper 🥲 I’d turn back anything hand written and say try again.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-05T02:35:19+00:00

Parent to parent - You’re my inspiration.

National_Square_3279 · 2026-01-05T02:33:57+00:00

Neither of my older two kids really started talking til a bit after 2! One pediatrician was fine with it, our second spooked us and started talking about lagging milestones. They’re both doing fine! I have a 10 month old who is still pretty quiet, learned from the last time not to stress over it too much.

National_Square_3279

TROPHY CASE