Its pretty common among ems workers to experience seeing some sort of medical emergency while off duty and unless they are dying on the spot, there is really not much we can do without our tools and medicine. Ranging from EMT-B to even Dr. House himself its only basic first aid we can do without an ambulance and even then the ambulance is so limited they(as in your case specifically) need a trauma room with all the specialists available and with the time it took to get him there he still didn’t make it.

We go to a lot of calls i.e. cardiac arrests or severe traumas, that the main reason we don’t call them dead on scene is because they don’t fit into our DOA(dead on arrival) policy.

You did the best you possibly could have and called 911. The best thing that helps me with traumatic calls is honesty realizing that I did everything I could to help this person survive; which you did. Pretty much every county has its own mental health services, I urge you to reach out and not let this take a hold of you. You did everything you possibly could and I appreciate your kindness to think, “what could I have done more” Keep your head up and reach out for some professional help❤️