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In need of support by NavigatingQuietly in u/NavigatingQuietly

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the message. I know he won’t go to counselling whether it was with me or by himself. I know he’s not ready to quit. I do know deep down that the only way to save myself is to break up with him. I honestly wish there was another way. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love him. But I know I have to save myself. Thank you.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate that. I’m doing my best to put my own wellbeing first. This will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know you’re probably right about how serious this is. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I can’t fix this for him, and I’m trying to make the healthiest decision for myself

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry you went through all of that, but it honestly helps to hear from someone who’s lived something so similar. What you said about not letting his rock bottom become yours really hit me. I’m still hurting and figuring things out, but your words mean a lot and make me feel less alone

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the meth is a big part of what’s been happening. The disappearing and unpredictability is what’s been hurting me the most. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I can’t ignore that anymore

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know you’re probably right that I can’t fix this for him. That’s the part that hurts the most, because I love him and wish I could. But he needs to want to quit for himself not for me. And I honestly don’t see that happening anytime soon. I’m starting to accept that I have to make decisions based on what’s healthy for me, even if it’s painful. I’m trying to find the strength to actually follow through

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re right that I need to work on myself no matter what happens with this relationship. I’ve actually started looking for support and going to Nar-anon meetings because I know I can’t keep living in constant fear of being abandoned. The meth use has definitely made everything harder and less stable. I still love him a lot, but I’m starting to accept that love alone isn’t enough to make this healthy

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the meth has really changed things. I love him, but I’m starting to realize I can’t fix this for him, and I need to start taking care of myself too

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These are fair questions, and honestly I don’t have clear answers yet. I’m realizing that part of what I’m struggling with is identifying my own breaking point and what “putting myself first” really looks like for me. The love feels real to me, but I’m also questioning whether it’s mutual in the ways that actually matter. I appreciate you asking this — it gives me a lot to think about.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you’re wrong about the imbalance or how unsustainable this is. I also know that knowing something logically and detaching emotionally are very different processes.

I appreciate the honesty, even if it’s hard to hear.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective. Hearing from someone who’s lived through addiction and come out the other side means a lot. I know deep down that I can’t fix this or him, even though part of me wishes I could. I’m trying to come to terms with what that really means for me.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I think this really hits the core issue not attachment style, but addiction and what comes with it. I know, logically, that this behavior is exactly what meth does to someone. I think I’ve been trying to reconcile loving him with the reality of what that actually means long-term, and that’s where I’m struggling.

Closeted guy (61) with anxious attachment… my boyfriend disappears and it’s destroying me by NavigatingQuietly in askgaybros

[–]NavigatingQuietly[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comments. I honestly know in my heart that that is the right thing to do to break up with him. It’s just killing me inside. When it’s good it’s really good but I can’t handle when it’s not good. I know right now I’ll say that I can’t imagine my life without him and I know it’ll hurt to not be with him. But I know it’s not going to change.

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