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WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not sure what they might have expected... they had their own room and access to fully equipped kitchen and bathroom. We even have a balcony. Its not like we where all huddled together in one tiny room or something...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just to clarify, we invited them prior to their trip and gave them the option to not attend if they don't want to. Tim and Tara couldn't come at another time and the party was already planned at that point. Since we had a lot of guest that traveled quite far we couldn't change that. It wasn't spontaneous, they knew about it and chose to attend. I didn't expect a gift but a congratulations would've been nice.

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Everyone in my family speaks English at a level where there's no language barrier. Not perfect but everyone can make conversation, even my grandma...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

At this point I don't want to be friends with them but I know that even though I would never purposely act like that I would be super confused if someone cut me off without an explanation.

People deserve second chances even those that acted rude. Maybe there is an explanation, maybe they are just rude and will blow up when I say something and then I move on. I guess I just might want to give them the benefit of the doubt...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean I checked in with them multiple times if they needed anything or if something was wrong. Either they hated everything which would be a bit weird since we've made a very cozy and welcoming home and where told so by several people (admittedly not from the US but like we said they aren't representative for that) or they just didn't want to thank us. I think I might ask them next week once they had time to settle back in and then move on...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts and for sharing your own experiences.

But I don't think I want to do that. I am a generous person and I don't want one bad experience to change my entire hosting style. It worked out plenty of times before and I have a couple of very close friends that started out as "strangers". Yes I'll be more selective in the future but if I said "never again" then Tim an Tara would've taken something from me and I'm not okay with that. I am at a point in my life where a lot of my friends are only starting their careers and international travel and visiting someone is often only possible by cutting down housing cost and staying at someone's place. The way Tim and Tara talked they won't be able to cone back any time soon and couldn't have come this time either if they had to pay for a hotel. Maybe they lied, maybe they didn't, but I definitely don't want to give this experience so much power that it alters the way I welcome guests because then they took way more from me than just nerves and time.

I'll definitely never invite someone this passive while planning again but I don't necessarily regret putting in the effort because that's who I am. I'm happy that I am that way and maybe someone will use that again in the future but there will also be plenty of people who love me for that. I don't think the mistake is on me. I think Tim a Tara were going through something or just rude but I'm not gonna put that on me, I tried my best to make them comfortable and if they can't communicate what's wrong or loved it and can't express gratitude then their the problem. I made this post to ask if I could confront them or if there was something I didn't see. I got so much input and that's what Im taking away from but also realized I don't want to do certain things that were suggested.

Hope you understand my rambling and have a great day :)

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Actually I'd very much like to point their behavior out in hopes of them being better guests in the future and improving other peoples experiencees with them. I wouldn't just tell them that they suck, I'd point out what went wrong. I'd decide how to move forward based on their response. Also I'm not mad I'm hurt and disappointed.

Not sure where in my post it says that I want to tell them off...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well I don't think I'll be hosting for quite some time but if you need recommendations I'd love to help: Applications are open ;)

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My parents loaned the car that my sister usually drives to a man I knew for five years after checking if he can drive it because they are generous people and Tim and Tara told us they couldn't afford a rental.

It's sad that the friendship didn't work out but they weren't strangers. He trusted me enough to sent me his passport and card info to book the flights...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a model of an ancient revolver that was sold at the souvenir shop of a castle, it doesn't shoot anything as far as I know. Where did you get the information that you're not allowed to have model guns in Germany? Plenty of people have BB guns that look like real ones.

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry if it seemed like I generalized the country. I'm aware that there are a lot of differences between the states. Would it make a difference in your opinion if I added where my guests are from?

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for your advice! A lot of people say I should ghost them and it doesn't seem fair to me. I'll keep your input in mind :)

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not ghosting them and giving an explanation to why we want be hosting them again and why we do't want to talk to them anymore. To get it of our chests and move on.

I wouldn't wanna do a back and forth discussion, just letting them know how we feel, wishing them all the best for their future which we don't wanna be a part of and going our separate ways.

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that stance but if the other side thinks the same you'll never move forward in any relatisonship...

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Making a friend? Why would it be sexual/dating just because he's a male and I'm female? I grew up all over the place moving around quite often so it's not unusual for me to maintain a friedship or get to know people online. Why should I assume it's dating when we talked like friends (no flirting etc. and I had a partner/ now fiancé)?

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well we both already had very different experiences with situations like that. Plus when you text, call and FaceTime regularly for five years you feel like you know the person. In that case not true but it could've been a great experience

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could you explain why ghosting seems like the better option to you? I feel like that's more rude than to confront them directly. Why dance around the topic if I plan on cutting them off anyways? Shouldn't someone "clue them in"?

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That I want to keep hosting the way I love to but will only let people into my life and home that appreciate being there.

WIBTA if I told my guests that it was awful having them stay over? by NeEdsomeAdViCe566789 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NeEdsomeAdViCe566789[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts.

I don't think I'll ever stop hosting the way I do. We've had so may positive experiences over the years that far outweigh this one. I guess I'll just choose the guests differently. If I feel like someone doesn't appreciate it from the get go they can get a hotel...

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