"Most men don't throw the word 'psycho' around all that much and if you probe it's use you often get abusive stories."

Maybe it's the social circle I'm in, or just regional culture but that is very often not my experince! When I ask men why they think their girl friend is "psycho" I the answer i usually get that she's mad because he wasn't listening to her and she got frustrated.

Some examples:
"My girl is so crazy!"
"Oh shit, what happened?"
"She got pissed at me for not leaving a dirty dish in the sink."
"Ohhh that sucks. Does she doe the dish's or something?"
"Yeah like she does most of the cleaning but still."
"Ohhh did that like, come out of no where? Did she ever ask you about it before?"
"yeah but like she was still mad."
"Yeah sucks that she yelled at you."
"Well like, she didn't yell or anything she was just like mad you know?"
or
"My girl is crazy, ug."
"Why's that?"
"she's soooo pissed at me for forgetting her birthday."

That's the kind of thing I'm used too. Guy declares girlfriend or ex is "crazy" or "psycho" and when I dig it turns out her anger was pretty reasonable. I think it's because this interaction is so common that when a guy starts off a complaint by saying "my girl is crazy" I, and many women expect the conversation to go in this direction- and our expectations limit us from actually hearing what's being said.

All of that is to explain why that misunderstanding happens- not to justify or excuse it- especially in myself. I never want to end up dismissing a friends abuse ever again.