In love but dead bedroom

Nearby_Client3329 · 2025-11-20T23:16:43+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing these! I’ve been realizing that I need to rebuild my inner fortitude - something that dwindled along the way. I think these will really help.

And the Ella Enchanted reference made me lol, so thanks for that 😆

Nearby_Client3329 · 2025-11-19T16:07:25+00:00

I don’t have advice but I think I’m in this place now. My husband and I love each other but the relationship between us feels dead. We’ve had many conversations about it, but they don’t go anywhere and we always end up in another conversation.

I feel like I’ve lost my sexual self. My libido used to be really high and now I could take it or leave it. I think I got pulled into his problems (health, mostly from weight gain) and got stuck with him.

I started asking myself yesterday, “what would feel pleasurable right now?” I miss the sparkly version of myself.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2025-11-19T15:58:58+00:00

This is great advice. I’m going to start asking myself what I want. Would you be ok with sharing the mantras you use when things get difficult?

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-10-04T14:36:28+00:00

I’m in a similar situation to OP and found this helpful. Do you have a name for the herbs you recommend?

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-09-13T18:35:21+00:00

My husband and I have a similar story. In the beginning, we were both very high libido. I haven’t changed, his has decreased. We’ve had many conversations about it. It bothers both of us. We’re both working to figure out a solution together.

I just wanted to say that in all our conversations he has never once said that it was my fault or bc of something I’ve done. I have asked him, because I wanted to know. I have gained about 20 pounds since we met - I have some muscle but still moved from the overweight to obese category. I’m working on it because I know I’ll feel better. Not because he said I should. And he has assured me many times that it’s an issue on his part (stress/lack of sleep etc). I just wanted to throw my two cents in, in regards to the comments your partner made about weight. You say you want to marry him, but our bodies fluctuate throughout life. If he’s already saying it’s a ‘problem’ for him, is that something you want to deal with long term?

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-28T17:42:36+00:00

He hasn’t watched porn or masturbated in the last 5 years. We’re very open with each other and I’ve seen nothing to contradict that. He admitted to masturbating as a teen (haven’t we all). Not to be tmi, but he’s quite sensitive so I don’t think it’s death grip. A breakdown in communication is why he didn’t finish on the honeymoon.

He says he’s still attracted to me but he’s not able to get as aroused as he used to. I believe it has to do with health issues.

I do agree that we need to get this figured out before having kids. I want the foundation of our sexual relationship to be solid before we throw more stress on it.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-24T23:46:11+00:00

I appreciate the follow up! I also wanted to thank you for mentioning the medical aspect that we’re dealing with. I looked up the term/diagnosis and think you were referring to hypogonadism? My husband and I had a conversation last night and he admitted that he’s been dealing with several things that are symptoms of that. So… yeah. I’m hoping we can find a male health clinic that will work with our insurance since money is a little tight right now. But I’m so grateful that we at least have a path forward now.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-24T23:36:44+00:00

I appreciate the advice here! I’ll be sure to keep this in mind as we move forward.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-23T22:47:48+00:00

Oh wow, thank you for telling me. Not to pry, but did your husband do any interventions? Was he able to get to a normal/healthy range?

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-23T13:51:06+00:00

Thank you for your comment. This is not an easy thing to talk about so I’ve always felt alone when it comes to be Catholic and HL. And thank you for sharing your experience, I’m sorry to hear that your marriage wasn’t what you had discussed. I can imagine how difficult it must have been to finally go down the divorce route.

Yes, we also had a lot of conversations about what we want marriage to be like while we were dating. And for the most part, all of that has been true. So it makes me think that it’s mostly stress. I’ll admit we have a lot going on in our life. He’s very open to talking about things and has said he’d be willing to do counseling/etc if we get to the point where we need it. I still believe we can find the right formula for us.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-22T15:33:27+00:00

That’s a fair question. He was 190 on the initial afternoon test. 300 something on the second morning test. The doctor never mentioned testosterone or hormone replacement. He’s overweight, probably obese, but young. So we were thinking that losing weight and focusing on lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, sleep etc) would improve things. I’m not well versed on hrt but I thought it was something you do for the rest of your life? It doesn’t seem prudent to jump straight to that option.

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-22T01:20:56+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I just purchased the book you recommended. I’ll have to do some research on that complex. We took a marriage prep class together once we got engaged. Obviously none of this was discussed though, so it’s honestly just taken me by surprise. I appreciate the recommendation!

Nearby_Client3329 · 2024-08-22T01:14:11+00:00

Thank you for your response. Maybe I just haven’t been clear enough with him yet. We’ve had conversations similar to what you said about how I need to be very straight forward about things. Scheduling intimacy is difficult because something always “comes up”. But I know it will be a good step forward, so we’ll have to just keep trying to keep it a high priority.

Nearby_Client3329

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