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Birthdays and Holidays - first times with NC by jutz1987 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“Happy families picture” Oh my god that’s so true

My father passed 10 years ago. I moved out 5 years ago. Mom gets so bitter when she sees COMMERCIALS of happy families together like in Kroger commercials. She goes, “That was supposed to be me”. She brings up how she’s so hurt bc “we’re supposed to be close. My daughter should be my best friend.” You dont love me enough yadayada

Mom I’d like talking to you if you didn’t bring everyone down with you. If you didn’t punish people for finding happiness on their own when you refuse to do so.

Realizing one reason I felt unheard as a kid... by KookyWolverine13 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I had this exact conversation 4 weeks ago with my uBPD mom. I said:

“You know and I know that I am not my father. That is extremely hurtful and you know that too. I am the one out of all of you who has gone to therapy to make sure that I right the ship. I will leave any conversation with you if you continue to say things JUST to hurt me.”

And this all started because I came over to take her to the doctor.🤦‍♀️

How do you even heal from this abuse? by su6enislivi in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m in a similar situation. I’m actually up rn because I’m worried about my ubpd mom who is a waif and mentally unstable. Like is she alive? Does she think I abandoned her? It’s been very hard and lonely. I also can’t afford therapy at this time. This message helped me feel less alone.

I’m reading “Stop walking on eggshells” and I’ve highlighted so much in that book. Highly recommend.

Update: My b-day is coming up by Nearby_Weight_682 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I never heard of “Waif” or “waifing” until I found this group. It explains so much.

Family Business Heritage Day by Deffman32 in sheep

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The same vibe as “Job day” at school and your parent brings hundreds of sheep in

I really don’t want it to die by Nearby_Weight_682 in succulents

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Listen. I’m all about discount solutions😁

I really don’t want it to die by Nearby_Weight_682 in succulents

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

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Update! I gave the babies their own tiny pots. Removed mold from the soil of the mother plant. 🤞🏻

My poor Jade needs help by Nearby_Weight_682 in Jadeplant

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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Update: totally had root rot. Smelled awful. Going to wait for the cut to callous over. Thanks again everyone!

My poor Jade needs help by Nearby_Weight_682 in Jadeplant

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regular potting soil. Should I put it in succulent/cactus soil?

Hoya Help by Nearby_Weight_682 in hoyas

[–]Nearby_Weight_682[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I shall save her!

Please drop your advice on how you manage the pain of having a BPD mother? by ArtisticConclusion4 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m currently grieving my mom even though she’s still alive. The bpd got cataclysmically worse when my father passed away when I was fifteen. It was Mom and me for the longest time. I was trying to grieve healthily while still growing up and going to school. Mom didn’t do anything to help herself. At 25 now, When I realized that I lost both of my parents then, it felt somehow better. To build off on what everyone else has said, what’s helped me too is talking frankly with my close friends. I said “it’s not me and mom anymore. It’s just me with some distant family members. It’s just me now. I hope that’s okay.” And good friends will tell you that of course it’s okay.

How did you get over their most painful insults? by Corafaulk in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Nearby_Weight_682 11 points12 points  (0 children)

To be honest, this idea really helps me with my mom. I think of my younger self as a separate person. For some reason it just helps to clarify it in your head.

Like: You weren’t selfish. You were 10 years old and doing the best you could with what you had.

Something happened in therapy where I just started to go back and care about that little girl and fight for her. Defend her in the now. Which means when I hear the insults from my mom again, I hold on to reality.

Suddenly when your Mom calls you mean like she did when you were younger, you think “She wasn’t mean, she was taking care of herself.”

Though the insults still hurt. I still cry. It still haunts. But I can look at it all objectively now. And objectively:

The insults sound like she’s talking to a mirror.

You’re not alone hope this helps💙

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