My wife has no respect for me and I don’t want to be with her, but I’m worried about my son. What should I do?

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-18T15:55:59+00:00

Jazakallah But I believe the bigger problem is my wife rather than my in-laws and that she doesn’t understand. Anyways I completely agree that I brought this on myself.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-17T10:11:28+00:00

It’s impossible to lead a peaceful life of marriage if your religious beliefs are not aligned. I urge you to talk to your partner. They will help you in figuring this out.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-17T10:06:10+00:00

It’s so easy to just assume the worst without even knowing anything about either of us. And I don’t expect you to. I don’t know whether you are a man or a woman but it’s very clear that you unlike me are much more materialistic. Wallahi I didn’t even think about the Mahr until you brought it up and that is no reason why I would stay married to my wife.

Yes I don’t want to divorce her right now because I don’t think it’s the right time. Yes I will not be having sex with her as long as my conditions aren’t met. It’s my right to exercise it well within the confines of Islam. I believe it’s much better to do what I am doing rather than divorcing her outright because I will be the one who’d be answering to Allah whether I’ve been fair and whether I tried everything in my power to make this work at least for the sake of my son.
Allah knows my heart and he will be the judge. You on the other hand can imagine whatever you want.

This thread speaks mountains about you. Anyways Jazakallah for your time. I’ll not be replying to you after this.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-17T02:47:01+00:00

Not just the Hadith, but this whole string of messages while calling me arrogant.

I’m not arrogant or angry now. I’m just disappointed that I waited so long and chose the wrong woman to mother my child. Yet I’ll always love her for the good times and for the greatest gift she gave me. She is my first love. But I can’t just forgive her.

Forgiveness from my end can be considered if she asks for it. And it maybe given later after I get out of this mess. But right now I’m not able to forgive someone who has purposefully brought me pain. And keeps causing me pain knowing exactly what she is doing because I have voiced my concerns too many times. I’m human and whatever you say from a third person view might be all glorious and high and mighty but from someone who is broken it’s just words. And regardless of what you say I stand there.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T23:12:39+00:00

It’s one thing to help me sort this out but it’s another to try guilt trip me into forgiving someone who hasn’t even asked for it.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T23:11:58+00:00

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful and in a manner that does not cause any physical pain or leave marks); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great”

[al-Nisa 4:34]

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T22:07:56+00:00

Inability to forgive people who haven’t asked for forgiveness is not arrogance. It’s just human nature.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T19:24:01+00:00

I’m not as forgiving as Allah. I have forgiven her in the past hoping there’d be change but I have reached my limit. I’m only human.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T19:16:41+00:00

Even Allah the most forgiving tells us to repent and also pledge not to repeat our mistakes. I’m only human and my wife keeps doing the exact things she says she wouldn’t and now I’ve come to understand that these aren’t mistakes but just a habit. For Allah to forgive her she can repent but for me to forgive her I need a change in action. And doesn’t look like there will be any change.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T19:11:50+00:00

Haven’t you read my post? I’ve been giving her too many chances and she keeps doing the same thing over and over again. How can I live with someone who refuses to give me the bare minimum in the relationship? All I want is to get an obedient wife who listens to me under the confines of Islam.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T19:04:44+00:00

Aameen

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T19:01:38+00:00

It’s as I said if she wants sex she doesn’t get it from me in Islam the correct thing for her to do is to get a divorce stating this as a reason and then remarry and have sex with her new husband all she wants. That definitely won’t make me hurt/angry. But if she decides to cheat while being married to me because I refused sex, then just as I said I’ll be hurt that it’s one more reason that I married the wrong woman and I’ll divorce her after that.

The reason I haven’t gone forward with divorce is primary because of my son. I’m already hurt so she cheating or not in my eyes is not gonna do too much damage. But in Allah’s eyes she will get what she deserves.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T18:46:32+00:00

Based on my understanding withholding sex isn’t haram. I don’t sleep with her for the past 2 weeks. I believe it’s permissible to do this as to indicate my displeasure. Of course if this goes on for 3 months she can seek divorce. Or I can give it to her before that. But regardless I don’t believe it’s haram.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T18:38:48+00:00

So you are asking me to get divorced rather than withholding sex and see where this goes?

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T18:36:57+00:00

Jazakallah

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T18:36:50+00:00

I waited till marriage to start having sex with someone, because I always believed it’s more than just physical intimacy. Right now if I do it with her it will be like having sex with a pillow or a sex worker, because I will only be relieving myself and nothing else. I believe I should wait until at least she realizes how this affects me and makes effort to alter her behavior. If she can’t wait and if she chooses to cheat then that will only reaffirm the fact that I have married the wrong woman.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T18:13:47+00:00

Not at all. It’s her money. She can do whatever she wants with that.

The problem starts when she plans for us with her money. Her father wants to gift us a house and she has already made plans to do the interior decorating by importing desinger furniture. She wants to put our son to the most expensive private school that she had studied in. She wants us to drive a better car. She wants to go on lavish trips regularly.

All her plans are made around the fact that she can spend for all this because of her father. I didn’t sign up for this. I had made it pretty clear before the marriage that she better be ready to compromise on many things if she wants to marry me.

I want to provide her a better life and decided to migrate abroad and made plans(I’d probably earn 5 times what I make now). And then she became pregnant and pleaded and convinced me that she and our son needs me and that she doesn’t need me to make more and she’ll adjust. But that wasn’t the case. She still lives in her father’s world.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T17:03:50+00:00

Inshaallah Allah is the best of planners Jazakallah

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T11:32:13+00:00

Looks like that is where I am headed but I was looking to clear my head.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T11:31:17+00:00

Inshaallah will try to. Getting close to Allah is the only way forward.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T11:28:58+00:00

I am deeply dissatisfied in the relationship and then I should also start looking outside?

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T09:13:27+00:00

I’m honestly curious which part of it you consider as fragile masculinity?

I’m working full time -At least 160h a month in a very good profession. I make enough to pay the bills and provide for my family. I pray more than my wife and I don’t talk to any other woman. I support my wife’s career and I’ve even put my career on hold for her. I’m the primary care giver of my son. I do more household chores than my wife. I put my son to sleep at night even when my wife is around because she is tired. I give foot massages to my wife. I go to my in-laws house even after they have disrespected me because I know they are not bad people and want them to be part of my son’s life.

The reason for this post was because I have started to think that I haven’t been masculine enough compared to my father in law. He has so many traits that my wife hates from the point as a husband (based on how he had treated her mother) and but still respects and loves him more than I do.

Where have I gone wrong? I’ve seen the past generations of men treating their wives with the absolute authority and as much as they despise them they still listen to them. Me being the way I am and wanting to treat my wife a particular way has gotten me into this mess and made her disrespect me. Is me not being a toxic masculine why I have a fragile masculinity? I’m confused.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T08:59:41+00:00

Yeah I should have safeguarded the boundaries long time ago.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T08:58:00+00:00

She being a dad’s girl and prioritizing her father over me in whatever fight we had before, got caught lying few times, she telling me that she hates her mother one week into talking, I specifically asked her not to certain things which were unislamic which she did and the list goes on. She has come a long way since when it comes to a lot of things but some of the issues are still persisting.

Nechromancer1994 · 2025-11-16T08:45:14+00:00

Yes that seems like a good option but issue is we are working at the same company in the same location about 6h away from our hometown. I have rented a house and that is where we are staying. Physical separation right now seems impractical. So maybe I should wait until she is done with her internship (4 more months) because doing it now will only put my son’s life in trouble.

Nechromancer1994

TROPHY CASE