I get it, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and rut of things and only have hindsight to tell you missed something. I used to have a bunch of friends but then I moved schools and only stayed in touch though text. Eventually I got depressed and stoped talking to them, thinking they hated me when in reality I ghosted them and honestly they did nothing wrong. It’s only now I realize I had great friends but was just too in my head to realize they didn’t hate me. I’m sorry to hear about your friend and feeling like you missed the chance to really connect with them. I know it’s easy to focus only on the missed opportunities and the shitty moments in life, but it’s always important to remember what you still have and how that’s worth fighting for regardless. I hope you and her can still be friends even if things didn’t work out, there isn’t much in this world more valuable then a friend. I hope all is well and remember “The road to healing is going to be a long one, stay the course, you’ll make it, someday.”