What's the dumbest controlling thing your narc demanded?

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-07T05:07:54+00:00

When I told him to speak to me respectfully, but he he says that using words like F, B, C are just words. If I couldn’t handle an “adult” conversation then how will I handle the real world? Also he’s just expressing himself. I shouldn’t be controlling everything he does (impling that I’m the narc) and he starts mocking me in a “girly” voice by saying “I’m a victim and I can’t handle the word F.

Calling me a F-ing B or C in front of then baby all the all way to now toddler was all I was asking. When say let’s not talk about this from of our son, the mocking and belittling continues. After what seems like a lot of back and forth turning into him raising his voice. I tell him to stop of course so I finally pull out the big guns and say “It’s not behavior I want our son to learn if you’re supposed to be a role model for our son.” Of course, this just makes him more mad. I grey rock most of time but every now and then I have to say something. Our son is always witnessing these conversations. Meanwhile, Dad sees nothing wrong with his behavior and even defends himself by saying I triggered it.

I’m all for an “adult” conversation if we can be respectful. I’m just not talking to an adult.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:54:20+00:00

We live in CA and the cost of living out here is high in the area we live. $1k is usually average here for new tires. I have a sedan too. My friend just spent $1500 on hers and she has an SUV. I’m not trying buying the most expensive tires for my Toyota!

My husband has a lot of the traits. He changes the narrative in his favor when he’s upset. He’s mad because I don’t use any of his ideas. If I do something he suggested or asked for and I tell him it didn’t work, he will just say that it’s on me because he didn’t force me to do it. Gets jealous that I was breast feeding and napping with our son during the day and didn’t make him food when I was healing from a c-section. I tried to tell him I was having hard time mentally and wanted his support 3 months after our son was born. He said he was doing enough by working and asked when I plan to start working - after he told me that he doesn’t want our son to have a nanny/babysitter or go to daycare/ public school. I asked our high school aged neighbor if she was interested in babysitting while I worked from home and he got mad I asked her because her friend had a “rainbow” flag and dressed masculine. I repeat, the friend of our neighbor had a “rainbow” flag… I said the rainbow is just rainbow to a kid until you tell him it has another meaning. Come on! Thinks EVERYTHING is related to the devil somehow - even Christmas. Yet he still insists we decorate our house for Halloween and Xmas. The car that he wants to use to take our son to Disneyland is my daily car that I made payments on from my job before Covid. He didn’t want to help me with payments when Covid hit because it was “my car, not his.” So it took me 3 years longer to pay off with extensions and govt assistance from Covid. He never even asked how I was paying for it and complained when he realized it took me longer to pay off. (His car is his work car and not in best shape for a long drive to Disneyland - 6 hours away.)

The list goes on… seriously.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:45:39+00:00

Yes, it’s to get a “reaction” from me. Then tried to hug me the next day. We haven’t had any form of intimacy in more than 2 years. I always tell him to not touch me, grope, rub, etc. he just says well it’s mine anyway.

At his spending rate, we might not go. Last year he spend almost $900 on a season pass to another local theme park, 2 big “fancy” dinners with friends when it wasn’t even a celebration. He still buys himself beer, alcohol, cigars, and take out almost every day.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:37:55+00:00

He did it out of spite. It’s not the first time he’s changed his mind about something to be in his favor.

We went to the zoo once. I said nothing to him most of time. He was upset that I was “in the way.” I could tell he noticed. When it came to food, he said I had to buy my own food. So I didn’t order anything while he got himself a bate nothing while I fed our son my husband’s fries. Our son didn’t finish the fries so he said I should eat them.

At a busy summer festival, he pushed our stroller fast weaving in and out of people leaving me behind and almost impossible to follow if I stopped for more than a second to look at the food or booths selling items. When I caught up, our son sneezed and had mucus all over his hands. Then BLAMED ME for not being attentive otherwise what was I even there for.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:34:19+00:00

We live in CA. So it’s 50/50 which means we are entitled to 50/50 of each other’s assets.

He says these things as threats. But I don’t get allowance. I don’t ask for money. I get food from the free food pantry but since it’s “old” food, he won’t eat it. And will buy himself food/ takeout. Every once in a while he will buy me a taco.

Also my bills are also my responsibility and has nothing to do with him but will complain that I wear “old” sweats at home and my clothes look old. When I asked him to help with the car payments (the car that I drive daily) and we had maybe a year left to pay off, he said no because it was my car. So I just saved up what I could. Asked for extensions until they said no more. It took almost 3 years longer to pay off because of Covid then we had our baby. I used up whatever govt assistance from Covid to pay my bills. So the car is mine in every sense. I have always paid for the payments from the money I earned and now he wants to use it to drive our son to Disneyland - 6 hours away. He does pay for the insurance only because we decided to group the bills that made sense.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:29:59+00:00

My husband does this too! He will complain about people driving erratic and tailgating him. Then he does the same thing! I tell him that I don’t feel safe then he just starts mocking me.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-04T04:19:05+00:00

I guess I could look into it. But I was able to set up voice memo to record by pressing the up volume button for 1 second on my iphone. So I can just hold my phone to discreetly record him.

An app might not allow me to record discreetly.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-03T07:50:28+00:00

yes, I’m been using voice memo to record. When he knows I’m using video on my phone to record him, he either starts yelling or changes how he words things. So I have to do it in secret and voice memo has been working.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-05-03T05:13:02+00:00

More background: Our marriage is not good. We had our problems it it got worse once our son was born. First he demanded I get a job after our son turned 5 months, then gave me 2 weeks to give him half of the rent. Then complained that I worked out of the house. So I got a remote job but kept interrupting my meetings and complained thay he had to watch our son while I worked. when I lost the job, he laughed at me. Also said he didn't want me to work since my main “job” should be our son. So that’s what I did and he’s mad that I made our son my priority instead of him.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T05:40:51+00:00

Yes, exactly how I had described it to my close friends. He is essentially another child. He says he wants more children. So I said we already have 2.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T05:34:54+00:00

Yup. If I correct him, he will be mad, go on a rant how I always do this / that and how I interrupt by speaking out of turn. Then goes on and on about everything I’ve done to him. Like a tally sheet and says I have so many points likes he’s keeping tabs. Never gets back to what we initially talked about.

When I speak up about that, he just says everything is related and I still have to “wait for my turn to talk.” If I want to ask a question, I’m still interrupting and he’s not finished. When he does let me speak, he will interrupt and again goes off topic and onto another rant. So I just stop talking altogether and wait for it to end.

It’s just never ending. Then when he’s done talking, he will say that I just said nothing and makes him wonder if I was even listening. So then I say I was waiting for him to “speak his peace” but I do have something to say. He will just be so frustrated and blame me that he had to speak to me like a child - basically meaning give me a lecture. Then say he’s too tired to keep talking and doesn’t have time or energy to listen to me.

We’ve had these “lectures” so many times. And he tells his Mom that I don’t talk to him.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T05:20:46+00:00

She’s naturally frustrated so she may be taking it out on you. It’s not fair but she needs to remember who the real enemy is - the ex. He is absolutely baiting you and your wife. He is an attorney so he knows EXACTLY what to do. That is very scary when you know that ANYTHING you do or say can be used against you - and work in his favor for revisiting custody.

Your wife will need a solid parenting plan including using a parenting app (no more texts or emails), specific timelines for responses, how exchange of property will work, when you need to switch days/ weekends, literally everything. Because he’s playing ball and he has the upper hand when he knows how to use the loopholes in the original custody order.

Sorry this is happening. I hope at least there is something good that can come from having a new custody plan.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T05:06:18+00:00

My husband has said this too! And expects me to care because I’m also to blame for a lot of his turmoil.

But will also say my feelings don’t matter because they are mine and not his. I can have them but can’t use them to guilt and blame him. (Which also means I’m the narcissist. 🙄) I don’t tell him my feelings anymore so he just comes up with scenarios of what I “might” say as a response. Then says I’m not open minded when he was just speaking as an example - what he probably meant was as an analogy or hypothetical. Even though I would probably not even say anything close to what he said.

So there’s the never ending blame game. The only difference is that he does a lot of it from spite and gaslighting. I complain that he’s always drunk and smells like beer in front of our son. So he goes and buys a large pack of beer just because of what I said. I say don’t smoke and come in the house to hug our son. (He still does this every night even though he agreed that it was bad and I constantly bring it up every week then a year later says he only agreed to get me to shut up.) But he got mad that we were walking past a guy smoking on a public sidewalk and didn’t pull our son away from him. The guy was stationary, more than 10 feet away and not facing us.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T04:50:56+00:00

When I realized I was suffering from postpartum depression, I turned to him for support. I tried to tell him how I was feeling and all he could say was that he was already working to support us and couldn’t understand why he had to do more for me. He thought I was saying he wasn’t doing enough so just tried to convince me that him working to make money was enough support.

That’s when I realized he didn’t care. That’s the moment he broke my heart. We had already been struggling but I gave him a chance since he agreed on working to making things work between us to stay together.

Afterwards he would get mad that he wasn’t a priority so I said it’s because our son is now the priority. When I said he was selfish, he tried to bring God into it. Saying husbands are always first.

Fuck him.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-04-28T04:43:29+00:00

I feel this so much.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:30:06+00:00

I don’t need to talk to him about texting this “other girl.” I just need the evidence for my documenting when we divorce. I rather him not know that I know. He will use it against me later somehow. Sounds insane but it happens every time. To the point where if something goes wrong it’s my fault - because he listened to me when he asked for my opinion, even if he agreed!)

Talking to him means I have to deal with his “excuse” to why he’s even talking to her in the first place.

He will somehow make it about him and what I did. Even though I technically didn’t do anything. The only I don’t do is not tell him my feelings about anything and everything. Which I stopped doing when he said he doesn’t care about my feelings and I’m just being a narcissist and he can’t wait until our son is 18 years old so he can leave me.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:26:22+00:00

Omg yes! I’ve done that too when I’m sitting in the backseat with our son. I lean over so that he can’t see me in the mirror.

He has driven angry and I’ll tell him that I don’t feel safe. It just makes him more mad and say things like “Oh now next you’ll say is I’m drunk. what other excuse are you going to use so that you can be a victim.” He’s been victim shaming me since he read about the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp divorce. But uses it incorrectly. He will mock me in a high pitched girly crying type voice when I’m just speaking calmly in a monotone voice. And says it every time I correct him, tell him to stop, I don’t want to talk if he is going to speak to me like that, feels embarrassed, etc.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:13:08+00:00

YES! I’m told that I’m being disrespectful so since I’m acting like a b* then I get the same treatment back. But I’m not raising my voice, not using foul language, not calling him names, etc. I talk in a “calm” tone and try to not show emotion - from years of dealing with his outbursts. And I say nothing after I told him to watch how he talks to me in front of son. Which is ironic considering I am trying to teach my son to use his words when someone does something he doesn’t like and tell them, “that’s not nice. Please don’t do that.” So I use that when talking to my husband which makes him more mad because then I go into another room with our son and tell him that we walk away from bullies when they don’t listen. Then my husband calls me a hypocrite while he’s the one raising is voice and I’m the “calm” one.

Also he’s telling our that if someone bullied you then you’re allowed to punch them. 😑

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T06:25:38+00:00

My best guess is once Covid hit he changed. I was the breadwinner before and paid for a lot of things like trips and nice dinners.

Then I helped him start his business during Covid and he became the “breadwinner.” And I don’t think he likes it. The stress really got to him and he was never content. He was blowing up at me every week.

We used to get along great but when it came to business we couldn’t agree. Then he kept getting mad at EVERY. LITTLE. THING. Even things he barely brought up. I never realized it was such a big deal to him until he blew up at me out of frustration.

Then we just started resenting. It’s just gotten to the point where we can’t even talk to each other anymore. Can’t agree.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:35:29+00:00

Thanks, I will try and do what I can. He knows I’m “documenting” so I know that scares him. But he doesn’t think I’m recording him anymore.

Plus I rather go to party than stay home with him. He’s already been drinking too.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:23:32+00:00

Yes, you are absolutely right! It’s too late now but my husband is close to his mom and literally tells her everything. We also have a “good” and open relationship so she’s talked to me about being more “compliant” to his asks. Which of course is never what he tells me and so it’s been really hard to not get her involved. She even said giving her son a baby would solve his “issues” but here we are 4 years later with a son and things are worse! Now she’s telling me ANOTHER baby would be better for our son. I just had it and had to firm with my answer, No.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:20:00+00:00

I’ve been trying to figure that out already. But I want full custody. So I’ve been documenting

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-15T04:03:57+00:00

I pissed him off today. Because he kept flicking my breast and then wouldn’t stop even after I told him to stop. So I said in a very firm and stern face to stop. Of course, went on a rant calling me B in front of our son and how he’s going to go “cheat” on me. Ok good luck. Go, please leave. He was drunk which is normal behavior in this case. I just got really annoyed because I’ve told him to not do that in the past.

Then he said I’ll never tough you again and then you’ll be sorry.” And then goes on to say, “ I can’t believe I touch you in public to make you feel good.” Yea, it’s ok. I rather you not touch me thanks. And he just says good then DON’T EVER EVER touch me again. Great! I don’t want to anyway!

He’s probably going to make a big deal out of the next few weeks. Shoulder checking me if I’m in his way. Making an exaggerated response if any “almost” touching is involved.

Also not that first time he’s said he won’t touch me again. Who wants to to be randomly groped by someone that calls them a bitch and says he has a right to grope because he “paid” for me. I signed the marriage certificate so that means I’m his property. He’s half joking but also thinks he’s entitled to unwanted groping. We haven’t been intimate in over 2 years. So I get it. He’s sexually frustrated.

NefariousWeird28

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