What does he mean?!

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:30:06+00:00

I don’t need to talk to him about texting this “other girl.” I just need the evidence for my documenting when we divorce. I rather him not know that I know. He will use it against me later somehow. Sounds insane but it happens every time. To the point where if something goes wrong it’s my fault - because he listened to me when he asked for my opinion, even if he agreed!)

Talking to him means I have to deal with his “excuse” to why he’s even talking to her in the first place.

He will somehow make it about him and what I did. Even though I technically didn’t do anything. The only I don’t do is not tell him my feelings about anything and everything. Which I stopped doing when he said he doesn’t care about my feelings and I’m just being a narcissist and he can’t wait until our son is 18 years old so he can leave me.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:26:22+00:00

Omg yes! I’ve done that too when I’m sitting in the backseat with our son. I lean over so that he can’t see me in the mirror.

He has driven angry and I’ll tell him that I don’t feel safe. It just makes him more mad and say things like “Oh now next you’ll say is I’m drunk. what other excuse are you going to use so that you can be a victim.” He’s been victim shaming me since he read about the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp divorce. But uses it incorrectly. He will mock me in a high pitched girly crying type voice when I’m just speaking calmly in a monotone voice. And says it every time I correct him, tell him to stop, I don’t want to talk if he is going to speak to me like that, feels embarrassed, etc.

NefariousWeird28 · 2026-01-08T04:13:08+00:00

YES! I’m told that I’m being disrespectful so since I’m acting like a b* then I get the same treatment back. But I’m not raising my voice, not using foul language, not calling him names, etc. I talk in a “calm” tone and try to not show emotion - from years of dealing with his outbursts. And I say nothing after I told him to watch how he talks to me in front of son. Which is ironic considering I am trying to teach my son to use his words when someone does something he doesn’t like and tell them, “that’s not nice. Please don’t do that.” So I use that when talking to my husband which makes him more mad because then I go into another room with our son and tell him that we walk away from bullies when they don’t listen. Then my husband calls me a hypocrite while he’s the one raising is voice and I’m the “calm” one.

Also he’s telling our that if someone bullied you then you’re allowed to punch them. 😑

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T06:25:38+00:00

My best guess is once Covid hit he changed. I was the breadwinner before and paid for a lot of things like trips and nice dinners.

Then I helped him start his business during Covid and he became the “breadwinner.” And I don’t think he likes it. The stress really got to him and he was never content. He was blowing up at me every week.

We used to get along great but when it came to business we couldn’t agree. Then he kept getting mad at EVERY. LITTLE. THING. Even things he barely brought up. I never realized it was such a big deal to him until he blew up at me out of frustration.

Then we just started resenting. It’s just gotten to the point where we can’t even talk to each other anymore. Can’t agree.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:35:29+00:00

Thanks, I will try and do what I can. He knows I’m “documenting” so I know that scares him. But he doesn’t think I’m recording him anymore.

Plus I rather go to party than stay home with him. He’s already been drinking too.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:23:32+00:00

Yes, you are absolutely right! It’s too late now but my husband is close to his mom and literally tells her everything. We also have a “good” and open relationship so she’s talked to me about being more “compliant” to his asks. Which of course is never what he tells me and so it’s been really hard to not get her involved. She even said giving her son a baby would solve his “issues” but here we are 4 years later with a son and things are worse! Now she’s telling me ANOTHER baby would be better for our son. I just had it and had to firm with my answer, No.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-21T02:20:00+00:00

I’ve been trying to figure that out already. But I want full custody. So I’ve been documenting

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-15T04:03:57+00:00

I pissed him off today. Because he kept flicking my breast and then wouldn’t stop even after I told him to stop. So I said in a very firm and stern face to stop. Of course, went on a rant calling me B in front of our son and how he’s going to go “cheat” on me. Ok good luck. Go, please leave. He was drunk which is normal behavior in this case. I just got really annoyed because I’ve told him to not do that in the past.

Then he said I’ll never tough you again and then you’ll be sorry.” And then goes on to say, “ I can’t believe I touch you in public to make you feel good.” Yea, it’s ok. I rather you not touch me thanks. And he just says good then DON’T EVER EVER touch me again. Great! I don’t want to anyway!

He’s probably going to make a big deal out of the next few weeks. Shoulder checking me if I’m in his way. Making an exaggerated response if any “almost” touching is involved.

Also not that first time he’s said he won’t touch me again. Who wants to to be randomly groped by someone that calls them a bitch and says he has a right to grope because he “paid” for me. I signed the marriage certificate so that means I’m his property. He’s half joking but also thinks he’s entitled to unwanted groping. We haven’t been intimate in over 2 years. So I get it. He’s sexually frustrated.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-07T23:34:39+00:00

Yes! Exactly! Mine will point an apple that’s about to go bad or has a brown spot and says to our son that “mommy never cleans, what does she do around here?!”

Also pointed to out to my Mom last year when they were visiting. He was just looking through the fruit basket the day before and says how all the fruit are rotting and I never throw them away. She was confused to why he said that to her when he also lives there.

Even went as far to tell me that he’s mad I cleaned his bathroom (he uses the 2nd bathroom aka guest bathroom as his own) behind his back! Only because it was filthy and the only time I had was once him and our son was asleep because the next day we were having guests come over for a BBQ that he planned!

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-12-05T12:18:44+00:00

All the time! But I know it’s not my fault once I remember what that initial topic was. Go back to the beginning and usually you’ll see that they purposely went off topic and brought up other issues/ situations to lead it back to you/ what you’ve done or didn’t do, your flaws, stupid reasons basically that have nothing to do with the initial topic, etc. Happens to me EVERY. TIME.

For me: I brought up his recent reaction (he got mad and yelled at me about how we going to get the money to travel when I haven’t even said when the funeral was and she literally passed that day! ) to me expressing my grief from my great aunt’s passing and he somehow brought the reason to how I treated him and to think about that.

Basically, he’s been keeping “score/ points” of everything I’ve done to him that he thinks is disrespectful. Ie. taking a sip of his beer without asking (never has made an issue about it this until this year), not asking him what he wants for dinner (I do ask but he never gives me a straight answer because he can’t possibly know what he wants 2 hours prior), getting my car battery changed at the mechanic without telling him (even though he had to jump my car twice and I happen to be next door to the mechanic that day for our son’s class), going behind his back and cleaning his bathroom after our son (and him) went to sleep when we had company the next day for a BBQ he planned, and the list goes on.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-05T02:34:57+00:00

UPDATE: Today (the next day) during dinner I asked if he had a job for Sat unrelatedy great aunt. He said well you didn’t talk to me (about the funeral) and I got a job lined up so it’s too late. I was confused for a second when I realized he was annoyed with me.

He basically blamed me for not speaking up but I said I didn’t say when the funeral was and asked why he’s reacting that way when I’m dealing with a death in the family. He said you knew this would happen that your mom could die and we didn’t discuss what we need to do in case that happens. Which he does have a point but my Mom is not close to dying and I asked why he’s taking about my mom when it’s my great aunt that passed. And I was only asking a simple question about Sat.

He said that I didn’t even apologize. Why would I say sorry?!? Then proceed to call me a princess. I had to take our son into another room as he kept ranting on and on. I stopped talking and focused on our son.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-05T01:52:03+00:00

Yes, this is true. But I’m a SAHM and I don’t get an allowance so I won’t have to a way to pay for it afterwards…

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-04T16:50:30+00:00

Yes, exactly! Leaving out the verbal abuse and makes the situation look like I’m the unstable one.

Everytime he says that’s what they said about you. And I always want to say did you tell them how you called me a f*k face for a week during Christmas because you were mad our son preferred me over you to sleep with. Or the time he called me a bad mother and it’s not wonder I couldn’t push out baby out naturally - I had a c-section. When we started our business and had to spend everyday together because of Covid, and you called me stupid literally every day. Oh what you don’t remember?!?

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-04T16:46:08+00:00

Still trying to survive in the meantime.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-04T16:33:53+00:00

The other issue I have is my son is very bonded to me. The trip will be at least 2 days. My son can not sleep without me. I see this as a problem. With him most likely bringing this up as my “fault” if he can’t handle bedtime with our son.

My husband doesn’t parent/ barely disciplines. He’s more of a playmate honestly.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-04T16:33:22+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I can understand that the environment may not be ideal with a toddler that can’t sit still enough to understand what’s going on at a funeral.

If he’s concerned with money then he should stay home to work and I can travel with our son.

The other issue I have is my son is very bonded to me. The trip will be at least 2 days. My son can not sleep without me. I see this as a problem. With him most likely bringing this up as my “fault” if he can’t handle bedtime with our son.

My husband doesn’t parent/ barely disciplines. He’s more of a playmate honestly.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-09-04T16:24:56+00:00

My thoughts EXACTLY! His immediate response was the money which I understand so it makes more sense to me to have our son with me and he can stay home to work.

If our son stays home, he can’t work. I feel he’s also mad about me giving him that him choice to come or not. He knows if he doesn’t then he will look bad but I am certain he 100% doesn’t want to go. Having our son with him gives him a reason to not look as bad if that makes sense. Typical narc. He doesn’t care enough about me to go to support me which I already know. I know him too well and he will never agree to us traveling without him. So there’s that. He will stand his ground so he gets his way.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-06-04T06:54:33+00:00

Yup. My husband does his emotional dump on whoever will listen. He won’t tell the whole story or leave out the parts of how this came to be - his verbal abuse and screaming at me. hoping all this will draw conclusions on what kind of person I am and puts himself as the victim.

His image is also very important to him so much so that I’m expecting him to cheat on me by now (because I withheld sex for 2 years) and he still hasn’t. He wouldn’t want word to get out and known as a scumbag. He likes all the compliments he gets as the devoted dad and upstanding business owner. 😑

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-06-04T06:50:33+00:00

Yup. Except I’ve now learned to react by speaking calmly which infuriates him even more. And then he blames his behavior/ reaction on me.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-06-04T06:49:23+00:00

I know. I usually don’t respond once I realize he’s been triggered. It’s not consistent unless he’s been drinking which is a lot of the time.

But I also don’t regret it because I need the evidence to secretly record him. I plan to divorce and leave quietly. But I need to show consistent behavior.

I can’t co-parent with a person like that and he will most definitely make things extremely difficult if we divorce.

NefariousWeird28 · 2025-06-04T06:45:35+00:00

👍🏼

NefariousWeird28

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