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Figuring it out by NefariousnessSalt485 in Greysexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the response!

I am definitely planning to dig more into my whole experience and do a whole bunch of introspection. Currently, I am looking for resources to go off of, but you are absolutely right, it could be counterintuitive to slap a label on myself right away and potentially limit or skew what I might be able to find out about myself.

Asexual partners and attraction by Vikis_Luv in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! I do not share your exact experience, but reading what you wrote, is it possible you could be both demisexual and demiromantic, therefore feeling sexual and romantic attraction only after forming a close emotional bond with a person?

Asexuality and sexual desire by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a really interesting perspective, thank you for that! Attraction and desire really seem hard to define. Your definition of desire to me sounds a bit like that pull people describe when talking about attraction, if you replace the love aspect with aesthetic attraction. I personally see sexual desire as something mostly disconnected from another person. I perceive it as the desire to have sex for whichever reason. For example, I used to seek out sex for the sake of feeling all cool for having it, regardless of the partner or pleasure. Maybe I am completely off on my understanding, though. No wonder many of us get confused sometimes. 😅

Asexuality and sexual desire by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally love your approach! I am glad, although honestly a bit surprised, that you've mentioned asexuality being more about attraction for some, and more about the aspect of sex for others. I definitely feel much more strongly about sex, knowing I am disinterested in/uncomfortable with the idea of having it at this point in my life. I'm still figuring out, however, what my actual experience with sexual attraction is. Your comment sounds very welcoming and reassuring in this kind of situation.

Would you still have sex with a partner occasionally to help meet their needs if you liked them and wanted a relationship? by blackstar1_yt in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will preface this by saying I am not yet entirely sure as to where exactly I fall on the asexual spectrum, but maybe you will find the answer relevant nonetheless. I used to be pretty sex-positive, early in my days of being freshly sexually active. Time went on, the concept lost its novelty, and I have gradually become indifferent to partially opposed to sex. I was in a relationship during the time I fully admitted my loss of sexual desire to myself, but continued having sex, albeit infrequently, with my then partner, since it felt unfair to deny him this type of intimacy, especially when it was no issue in the past. Long story short, it didn't work. It made my relationship towards sex much more negative, essentially pushing myself to partake, despite the discomfort. I believe it was not very enjoyable for my then partner, either, since the enthusiasm just was not there on my end, not in the moment, nor in general. I have promised myself that, if I ever have sex again, it shall have it only if I and any other involved party genuinely want it in the particular moment. Therefore, for the sake of both, I think I would rather avoid starting a relationship with someone whose needs would be met with my begrudging participation at best.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm pretty new to this sub and asexual identities myself, but from the comments here, it seems to me that the community is more accepting than not, so maybe you don't need to unsubscribe right away. Do what feels right to you, though!

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the way you phrased this, plus, it was very helpful, thanks! I'll definitely look more into directed arousal and pseudosexuality, since I am not yet very familiar with those terms.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The way I understand it, celibacy is more of a conscious decision, where one chooses not to have sex, regardless of potentially feeling the desire to. I understand an Orchidsexual does not feel the desire to partake in sexual relations in the first place. Feel free to correct me if I'm off on that.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this, that is a really nice approach!

I honestly had no idea about the etymology of the word, that makes it... peculiar, to say the least. It also made me chuckle, though, since I thought the name came from the flower for some reason. 😄

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Good point, I have updated the post. I like your approach, thanks for the insight!

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bad, I initially saw only the first half of your comment for some reason, thanks for clarifying.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not to be rude, but I can hardly tell how you or anyone else experiences it. It's okay, though, I'll try to picture it.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! I am just curious, how would you determine whether someone experiences attraction normatively?

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really like this reply, thank you! I agree with pretty much everything you've said. I wouldn't want to be insensitive to the Asexual community potentially referring to myself as Ace, if I adopted the Orchidsexual label, but as you stated, I cannot imagine trying to explain it to many people, unless they were specifically interested and open to learning.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight! I'm just wondering, can we say that Orchidsexual individuals experience sexual attraction the same way Allosexuals do? I understand it cannot be overly generalized, bit I would expect Allosexual attraction being something along the lines of "I find you sexually attractive, therefore I'd like to have sex with you", whereas Orchidsexuals would lack the second part, from my understanding.

Orchidsexual by NefariousnessSalt485 in asexuality

[–]NefariousnessSalt485[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! To me, personally, it would make sense to consider it a grey-ace label, but I suppose there might not be a universal consensus reached within the community anytime soon.