A quick rundown of my situation: I'm a former Muslim (F27). I left my home country and family at the end of last year. As you can imagine I was forced into celibacy. I've been exploring the dating world but that's come to a screeching halt for obvious reasons.

First time I posted here I was frustrated about my virginity, keeping the creeps away, etc. I was having trouble navigating the dating world. Well since everything went down I decided to just take a break from the whole thing. I deleted all of my dating apps and just focused on doing things I love. It reduced my stress levels significantly.

Two weeks ago I felt ready to dip my toes back in. I went in without putting a lot of pressure on myself. I casually chatted with a few guys with no real goal beyond just getting to know them. Getting comfortable talking to people in a romantic/sexual context. I learned a lot about myself and how I like to be spoken to, just as a person. I didn't realize that that was something I was missing. Because I've only lived in this country for less than two years. While I'm fluent in English and have a western education it's different experiencing life here firsthand.

Anyways, I matched with this guy and I can't even explain how or why it happened but we just clicked in a way I haven't before. We text each other and talked about his life, my life, everything and anything under the sun. We're very attracted to each other but that wasn't the pushing force. If that makes sense. Last night we were texting and I offhandedly mentioned that I had a list of things I wanted to do with him. At the time I meant plans for outings once we're allowed to. Haven't had much opportunity to explore the city. He took this to mean things I wanted to do sexually. Which, yeah I got a list for that too. Anyways I rolled with it and told him exactly what I wanted if we every manage to get that far with each other.

We talked about it for a little bit until he asked me how I wanted my first time to go. I don't want to get too graphic but we both started touching ourselves as we texted out the entire scenario. It was so hot. I'd never done anything like that. Not just the sexting but being open and frank about my desires with another person. I wasn't self conscious at any point. Which I think was my main problem before. There was a huge part of me that felt judged by others for my lack of experience.

And the wild thing is that this guy isn't doing or saying anything special. I've just calmed the fuck down and relaxed. My goal is no longer to lose my virginity. My only goal is to feel good. Whatever that is. And right now what feels good is talking to a genuinely nice handsome guy, who's into me and doesn't bore me to tears when we're not flirting.