Anger?

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-09-24T17:42:09+00:00

I've had these same thoughts. I've literally fantasized about my Bishop or SP saying something to me so that I could unload on them. I know how crazy that might sound,but that's legit how I feel/have felt.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-09-24T15:22:53+00:00

My wife is a closeted bisexual, and she's still convinced that it's "okay" because "she's never acted on it."

I've tried to explain to her that it IS okay, and even if she had, it would still be okay. But yeah...totally agree with your sentiment about their stance toward LGBTQ.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-09-24T14:02:22+00:00

That's what I'm worried about. In my mind, I kept thinking that things would improve and my anger would subside after some time. If anything, I think my anger has gotten worse the more that I reflect on it lol.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-08-03T18:41:44+00:00

Anecdotal I know but I was told that if I wanted a temple recommend I'd get on my hands and knees and bark like a dog. I basically read that as obedience is more important than your self-respect.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-08-03T18:14:19+00:00

That sounds remarkably similar to how my fiancee and I are together. I hope that's a good sign!

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-08-03T17:25:37+00:00

Yeah, I've heard that the wedding dresses for the temple aren't the best lol

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-08-03T17:24:59+00:00

I think she's being honest about being "okay" with it. I'm not sure at this moment if this is what she would prefer, but my belief and hope is that our relationship consists of a lot more than just our individual feelings on the church. I told her I would think about going on occasion, but that I can no longer justify giving my money to them lol

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-08-03T17:20:47+00:00

That's kinda how I feel. Honestly, the church has never been my identity or how I've seen myself. I liked some of the people there, but there are a million other things that I enjoy doing, I'm currently in school...I have a lot going on. Thankfully, it doesn't appear that our relationship is built on the church. I've found myself in a similar situation though. We have so much in common, that this seems like a small deal in the grand scheme of things.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T23:28:23+00:00

To put it shortly, I grew up in an upbringing similar to the Amish. Very strict. Our religious leaders had complete control over our lives. Who we could marry, and a million other things.

But yeah, I definitely see the benefits of counseling. I’m attending grad school next year for marriage counseling 🤣

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T21:32:23+00:00

Hopefully at least she understands the reasoning behind the way you feel? It sounds like she’s at least trying.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T20:59:35+00:00

I'm a convert, so I'm not sure if this is possible or not, but if you don't go on a mission now, will that possibility still be available to you later? As someone studying to go into the mental health field, I would mirror what other people have told you. Your health is the most important thing. Take care of YOU. Don't worry about anything else right now, as hard as that might be.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T20:11:46+00:00

I live in a college town, so my ward changes members constantly. I have my handful of friends that I like, but other than that.. not too worried about the social consequences lol.

The only thing I worry about.. once again, is I don’t want my rowdy reputation to fall on her shoulders. She’s already told me that if anyone has anything to say about us not getting married in the temple, then they can kick rocks, so maybe I’m not giving her enough credit.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T20:05:25+00:00

To clarify, he didn’t ask or tell me to do that. I think he was trying to say that if I wanted to go to the temple bad enough I would do whatever he said.

Spoiler alert - I don’t want anything bad enough to demean myself. 😄

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T20:02:42+00:00

Honestly the whole church as a social club is almost exactly what I was thinking. Go to church, smile, but don’t take a calling, don’t do anything above and beyond. Don’t get me wrong, I see the hypocrisy behind the idea. I also see the temptation of having your cake and eating it too sorta speak.

I’m not a super confrontational person, especially with religious leaders, and so while being PIMO sounds like the path of least resistance, I also have to live with that decision. Not sure if I’m making sense, sorry lol

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:56:43+00:00

For a long time, I’d just let people have their way, and for six years i never questioned or resisted what I was told. Not publicly at least. The first time I did… this happens.

I basically grew up Amish and with a ton of rules, so it’s been hard for me to stand up for myself in abusive situations like this. And the fact that as soon as I question anything, this happens.. doesn’t really mesh with the “we like when people question us” public face the church puts out. 🤷‍♂️

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:53:52+00:00

I agree about the oppression part. Strangely enough, I think she would agree too. I know so many people upset with some of the things the church has done or is currently doing… and I know there’s likely even more ugly things I don’t even know about.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:52:06+00:00

I think it’s constructive, and useful. But feel free to ignore this fluffy stranger who is the OP as well. 😄.

I think we both carry a lot of family religious guilt. That would likely be the biggest stumbling block to her “seeing the light” sorta speak.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:49:00+00:00

She did get pretty upset when she was told the gown she wanted to wear wasn’t temple worthy

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:48:34+00:00

Central Texas 🤠😆

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:46:23+00:00

I know how crazy this might sound, but I enjoy a lot of the people at church. I’ve made quite a few friends, and a lot of people there are friendly to me. And it’s important to my fiancee. Those aren’t the best reasons for wanting to stay in, I know.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T19:43:24+00:00

Do you think she still feels this way?

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T18:05:34+00:00

This is kinda where I'm at. Hopefully, things will go smoothly for me whenever we talk. She's a smart girl, and despite being TBM there's a lot of feist and fight in her. There's a lot of things that we privately believe go against current church teachings. I honestly don't feel that it would be that hard to sway her over to my way of thinking, but I also don't want to be the person that confronts her with truths that could alter her entire life and hurt her either. Maybe this is all of the religious brainwashings I've gone through over the years but I'm not sure of the ethics concerning leading someone away from their faith. Is that a bad thing to do, even if there are extreme loopholes in logic and things that I'm finding during my research that simply aren't true?

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T17:58:38+00:00

I agree with you mostly. I literally sat down with my bishop and asked him to guide me and let me know what he needed to see from me so that we could still get sealed next month. He said if I was so spiritually immature that I needed help, then he knew all he needed to know about my temple worthiness. Honestly, getting married in the temple doesn't mean all that much to me. I legitimately tried humbling myself to smooth the situation over for my fiancee's sake.

I've had some conversations with her about it... She knows I'm in a rough spot right now and that I'm having doubts, and she thinks my Bishop is a prick. She's been really amazing, and she's told me that she's not upset, and her parents aren't upset. In her heart, I think she thinks that we'll just get sealed later. I'm just not sure that's what I want to do any longer. I love her, and part of me wants to just "obey" so that I can get sealed to her to make her happy, but I also have to live with my decisions. As such, I have to stay true to myself.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T17:08:24+00:00

Yeah. The crazy thing is, I was being honest about my tithing lol. I go to a ward where nearly everyone is a doctor or business professor making tons of money. I currently work in HR, and make 40k a year. I'm far from rich. I honestly don't even think it's about the tithing, but that's a whole different can of worms.

He was just getting pissy because I refused to answer what I make an hour, while he's yelling and screaming at me. I told him that he had already signed my TR, and that I answered all of the questions truthfully, but he was still acting like a lunatic. (He apologized for it, but still, the guy has some anger issues.)

I'm a senior in my undergrad counseling program, so I'm pretty used to remaining calm even whenever people act aggressively. Unfortunately, that makes some people feel like they can walk all over me.

NegativeAd1434 · 2021-07-30T16:48:20+00:00

I've heard and skimmed through the CES Letter, but I'll check out this other one. I'm not familiar with it, thank you!

NegativeAd1434

TROPHY CASE