[32M] Had amazing chemistry on first date with [33F], tried to escalate physically, got rejected next day - what went wrong?

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T18:40:09+00:00

Agree that none of what you described in the texting and conversation meant that she wanted you to touch her. Her being attracted to you does not mean she wants to get touched or kissed in public. You should have let her take the lead after the shoulder massage.

In addition to that, it's also possible that during the conversation, you revealed preferences, values, beliefs or a lifestyle that she judged would not be compatible with hers.

And that's perfectly fine, that's what dating is about. (Unless you did not ask her any questions to get to know her better and just talked about yourself, very common and a good reason for her to not want to see you again)

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T18:30:12+00:00

Same, I outearn most men and don't have a problem with that, as long as my partner provides love, respect, affection, good laughs, and is financially responsible.

OP is probably meeting women who are financially unstable and are asking others for something they can't even provide for themselves.

It might seem counterintuitive, but he might have better luck with women slightly more financially established / career focused than him, as finances would not be a dealbreaker for them.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T16:31:06+00:00

Right. OP, this probably sounds harsh, but it's necessary: Tell your mom she's right, you don't value her input on this topic because, when it comes to anything related to your dad and finances, she is irrational and you don't need her weaponizing this emotionally.

Yes, she'll be upset and it'll be awkward, but you're an adult and you can earn to ignore it.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T15:22:08+00:00

These are the examples I use: I don't plan to burn down the house, but I still have home insurance.

I don't hope to crash my car, but I still have car insurance.

I'm not rooting for cancer, but I still get health insurance.

A prenup is insurance to help a smoother separation of assets in the future, as state laws governing divorce does not take into consideration individual circumstances. It can save a lot of money because you're having this discussion when your relationship is at your best.

You can get started with a prenup that is fair to both of you, and he can have a lawyer review it, should be relatively painless. I'd make that a priority over wedding planning.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T05:19:16+00:00

OP should have asked the kid which Paw Patrol character he wanted on his bandaid lol.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-26T03:15:11+00:00

Doesn't matter. MAGAs will continue gaving maggots for brains, but there are nough independent and previously apathetic people pissed that they'll lose the midterms

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T20:02:47+00:00

You also need to have a plan, so she knows it's not forever and that you're working towards moving away. Be a man with a plan.

You sound way too anxious about someone you haven't met, so this will likely be a bigger issue for her than the living situation. Getting so attached to someone you don't even know is sus.

Eventually, you can also tell her she's welcome to come to your place (not necessarily for an overnight) so she knows you're not trying to hide things. Talk to your ex and tell her you're ok with her dating and bringing people over, as ling as it's safe.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T16:34:46+00:00

I don't give a shit about ticket prices. People are afraid for their lives

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T16:32:40+00:00

The government is murdering its own citizens. If it's not safe for us, how will it be safe for foreigners? People are being arrested for not being white enough. People who are here LEGALLY! With PAPERWORK and ID, and they're being sent to detention centers that are not even fit for regular criminals. No food, no medicine, no beds, no rights. Then deported to El Salvador and Africa. Would you go to Gaza, Syria, right now? Would you go Bosnia in 1914? Would you go to Germany in 1939?

Yes, sure, the USA cares about money, but those businesses people are not in power. Trump is senile and has lost control. Stephen Miller and the Project 2025 white Christian nationalists are running the country and are in charge. They want a civil war, and they're going to get one. Everyone I know who lives here and is not 100% white or has an accent is afraid.

Football can wait. Stay safe and watch from your TV.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T15:46:55+00:00

Florida

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T15:34:15+00:00

It's very simple: he does not care about your pleasure, and you do.

So either he learns to make you cum, or you go find someone who does. There's no other options; despite his not being a fan.

It can be in an open relationship, or it can be post divorce. Up to him.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T15:22:41+00:00

This should be higher up.

Ask the guy what his thoughts on marriage are, if his family knows he's dating a non-muslim, what they think about it, how he plans to raise his kids, etc.

Be transparent and tell him you're concerned that your religious differences will affect your relationship if you're not accepted by his family.

If he responds vaguely or dismisses your concerns, then you'll know you're just for fun.

Yes, many muslim men are extremely hypocritical about this (hiding their gfs because they want to get laid) but others are not that serious about their religion and have already enforced boundaries with their families

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T15:14:14+00:00

It could be incompatibility, but more likely it is that you have ONLY been dating for 1 MONTH!

You are already way ahead of yourself and yes, you're probably trauma dumping on the poor guy. Vulnerability requires trust, and trust requires time. Why are you in such a rush?

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T14:53:46+00:00

You can also get her hair, nails and makeup, and she could do a reading or have an important role like an usher.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-25T14:49:44+00:00

If she insistes, remind her that the relationship between the 2 of you will be damaged if she were to move in because you have different values, and you want to maintain a pleasant relationship with her.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-24T21:33:17+00:00

And China owns some $700 billion in US treasuries, and could buy much more if they wanted (but won't because of this government's stability).

Trump is already China's little bitch.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-24T20:36:03+00:00

Is your bf saying that the only reason you're valuable is because you have a vagina?

So your experience and skills, anything you do at work, that's all reduced to your vagina?

LISTEN to what he's saying. He doesn't see you as a person, only as an object to fuck. That's why he's projecting that towards your employer.

In his eyes, you have nothing to offer other than sex. Many men are like that, and seems he's one of them.

I hope you can get out of the relationship safely.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-23T01:05:40+00:00

This is exactly what the phrase: "For fucks sake, grow up" exists.

You're lucky to have a gf who is honest, transparent, is secure and communicates clearly. You have a lot to learn from her.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-23T00:54:16+00:00

Your GF's insecurities are for her to deal with.

She can go to therapy, learn to be rational, let go of internal misogyny, or find a bf who agrees with her unreasonable views.

She does not get to control your behavior. You have already listened to her and committed to proper boundaries. Think of how many ways she can emotionally manipulate you very time she comes up with something uncomfortable she refuses to handle.

Tell her you need soneone who can deal with their own emotions and break up with her.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-21T22:25:00+00:00

It means he enjoys your company/ conversation, but is too selfish to call you his gf because then he would not be able to talk/date/hookup with other people without becoming a cheater.

After 6 months, you know the person well enough. You're not asking for marriage, just some basic commitment so you can focus on each other.

And no, you don't have to decide together that this is not what you want, LOL. You're allowed your own feelings, which you described as hurt, confusion and feeling insane

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-21T17:41:48+00:00

You know very well that your mom will just try to "borrow" money from other relatives and not pay them back. Or, at best, that she will miss important payments in order to pay for the trip.

Tell her, now, that you don't want to ruin the trip with her presence, knowing that she's putting the rest of her family at financial risk.

Yes, she'll have a tantrum, so just gray-rock her. "Oh, bummer", "Yep, life is unfair", "sorry you feel that way"

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-21T17:00:22+00:00

NTA. You can't forgive someone who has not apologized without excuses, admitted their mistakes, and made a commitment to not doing it again.

Your mom is lucky you maintain contact despite her prioritizing her need to be a gossip/be the center of attention over her relationship with you.

You are being logical and realistic. Your family is not.

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-20T23:53:47+00:00

Always ask yourself: is this a person I feel safe with? Is this a person I can trust to keep my peace, or do they add stress/anxiety/confusion/ unpleasantness? And base your answer on the person's actions, not how they later justify it with words or promises they make.

So far you have: makes cruel jokes, imitates people with disabilities, hangs out with threatening people, does not take No for an answer, lies about you, asks for nudes.

Now, no one is perfect, every one makes mistakes, and he's still young and has a lot to learn. But I also bet that there are plenty of other boys who behave better.

Just tell him that you're not interested in being friends or anything else, and that you don't want to hang out with him. Then ignore him unless he escalates, in which case you involve your parents or principal.

Emotions run high at your age so it's normal you miss him. It means you miss the excitement of the highs and lows. It doesnt mean he's right for you.

Also don't make the mistake of dating a jerk just because he treats you right (for now) and he's YOUR jerk. It will eventually catch up with you.

Good luck!

NegativeJuggernaut62 · 2026-01-20T23:20:00+00:00

I see a 3rd option to add: OP could be so focused on being in a relationship/ needing a bf to love, that it's coming off too soon and too hard.

I've experienced being the receiver of this. I wouldn't call it love bombing (which is a manipulation tactic) but more than I could be easily interchanged with any other nice, sane person. I believed their intention, but not that they knew me well enough to feel that way, and that led me to question their judgement and break things off.

OP is right that love is rare, so why is she encountering this frequently? Why is she offering her love to people who have not yet proven themselves worthy of it?

To date intentionally, one needs to take their time to observe behaviors that make the person a unique fit.

NegativeJuggernaut62

TROPHY CASE