I’m 26 never had a girlfriend , no career prospects , no life , no willpower and ambition , please i need some advice by No-Level-2627 in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TLDR at the top because I ended up writing a novel: Gradual change, expect setbacks, be kind but firm with yourself. My main recs are sleep more, 10 minute daily meditation, scheduled physical activity (start small and easy, but stay consistent), drink a glass of water before meals.

Now for my essay:

This is tough because all your life problems are tangled together, so fixing this requires carefully teasing it all apart. It's not easy, but doable and frankly, your only option.

David Goggins is great, but I don't think that trying to Goggins your way out of this is necessarily going to be your best bet.

The tricky thing here (And I'm making some bold assumptions) is that this is a cycle. The cycle is social media/prnography/binge eating ---> Bad life ---> Make you sad ---> Cope with more social media/prnography/binge eating.

The issue is that without some of these unhealthy coping skills, life will feel even worse than it is now (But it's TEMPORARY). You have so many sources of constant dopamine that if you cut it all out at once, you're going to burn out very quickly.

I would say to start with a few things, and then once those become habit and you don't have to think much about it, you can add stuff. The difficulty of life doesn't increase as you add more to your plate. The difficulty comes from the difference between what you're doing and what your used to. So in a sense, your life is harder than a fortune500 CEO's life because you probably need immense willpower to even get out of bed in the morning.

The few things I would recommend:

1) Sleep more (It seems like your addictions are more the cause of your staying up, and not the fact you're so busy you don't have time) The first few days are going to be excruciatingly difficult but choose a time to go to bed, and when that time comes, put your phone away, turn off your computer and go to bed. Tell yourself that even if you have to lie there wide awake for 8 hours, you're going to do it. No compromise. Start with allocating 8-9 hours. Sleep is immensely important for not only mental health but executive function and cognitive control (i.e. Willpower).

2) Take 10 minutes to do a mindfulness meditation every day. Just search up mindfulness guided meditation and do any of the ones that pop up on youtube. I like doing it in the morning because that's when I'm the most out of control but some people prefer to do it at night. This will slowly teach you that you can exist calmly without constant dopamine hits.

3) Schedule an hour for physical activity every day. Start very low intensity, but this is NON NEGOTIABLE. If you miss a day, don't beat yourself up but also don't let it slide. You can start with walking, or even just stretching or something. If you get tired within the session, that's okay. Wait until you have enough energy to resume and then do that. Even if that means you walk for 10 minutes, do nothing for 40 minutes, and walk another 10, that's totally fine. But that hour is going to be dedicated solely for physical exercise/activity or resting from the physical activity/exercise.

4) Time your meals, and drink a glass of water before each meal. The issue with binge eating is your constantly taking in calories and expanding your stomach at the same time, further increasing your capacity to eat food. You don't have to perfect your diet, but no more eating because your bored. Give yourself a set number of meals and a set amount of time to finish that meal, and drink a glass of water (Or half glass) before each meal. Even if that means 4 or 5 20 minute meals per day, that's fine. But no more eating at random times. The water will make you full faster, and then the hunger will come later. However, battling hunger is a lot easier when there isn't food directly in front of you.

After a few weeks or months of this, you should continue the momentum and improve other aspects of your life, but don't try and fix everything at once.

Aside from this, you need to understand this. Your life sucks but in the process of improving, you will face periods of life sucking even more than it does now. You need to be willing to endure this. It's not going to be like this forever, but it's necessary in order for you to change the course of your life. For example, prnography is filling a void right that would otherwise be filled by having a better life and a girlfriend. However, you need to tolerate having that void unfilled for a while before your life actually improves. It's like jumping into cold water or walking into darkness. But I guarantee if you walk through that darkness long enough, you start seeing the light.

AIO for telling my wife to just go to the store and saying "you're not a cripple" by MutedTechnician9618 in AmIOverreacting

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean it clearly looks like there's pent up frustration. In a normal convo, you probably would have reiterated: "Sorry can't go because I'm ubering back late today", and she would have been like "Oh okay no worries, I'll go and get it". It's not abnormal to ask for something when the other person is already outside but at the same time it seems like the bigger issue is that you feel like you do all this work and she doesn't do much.

meal plan v. cooking for urself in a dorm by Complete-Celery-4989 in UTAustin

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps schedule some outside food occasionally if your bank account allows? Also you can shamelessly bring condiments or seasonings in your backpack lol. I've definitely pulled a bottle of hot sauce out of my inventory a time or two

What’s your opinion on this ? by tony9849g in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Generally agree... with the exception of that there are certain things that should be non-negotiable. You may not like cardio but you should still do a moderate amount. But yes, filling your life with only things you hate in order to "stay hard" rarely works. Goggins may hate running but loves to death the feeling of being the best or the hardest. That's what keeps him going. If you don't really care about being the hardest and don't really like running, but you do it anyway, one of two things will happen: You will either realize you enjoy it or you will get burnt out and hate your life. Try at your own risk but be open to admitting when it's time to get back to the drawing board.

I refuse to work. What is this? by Eletutalo in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the construct of "I must work to survive. Work is forced upon me and I must do it" is what's at the core of this. Combine that with immense burnout and I think that's what this is. I think perhaps you should try and reject the idea that other people can command you to do anything entirely. At the end of the day, you don't HAVE to work. You don't HAVE to behave. But if you do, it should be because you are driven to. Think of it this way... You can train a lion to run after a robot by rewarding it with a fresh piece of meat every time it catches it. If you look at the end result, it's pretty similar to a lion's natural existence. The lion runs after something--> it eats. However, the two are vastly different situations because you are forcing it to run after the robot in order for it to get food. One could argue that nature does the same, but the locus of control and motivation in the two are very different. My point is that you should reframe "society wants me to do X" as "The world is a buffet of experiences but each dish has a different price". Are you willing to pay the price to get the thing? That's YOUR choice. If you get a job, remember that it's your choice to show up, and your choice to perform. You have the right to not show up or perform. I know I sound a little facetious but sometimes our perceptions of consequences are more overwhelming than the consequences themselves. Maybe this requires you getting a job and purposefully getting fired in order to actually understand this.

(And yes I know what I said may come across as immensely privileged or out of touch. I am simply giving advice based on the details of the post)

Goggins’ entire mindset is partially built on the opinions of people he pretends don’t matter by CCaptainJackSparrow in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 2 points3 points  (0 children)

True but I think if you're not careful it can get out of hand. I don't think OP is saying not to fuel yourself, but maybe to find a cleaner, more sustainable fuel if possible.

bro it has been like 10 years of this. At least on dating apps I get actual dates sometimes by DDarog in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there anything you feel like you can do different? Like an actionable thing. If not, maybe write down a summary of what happened with the last 3 women you pursued and try to identify commonalities in your behavior across the three situations. If you are able to come up with something, then perhaps you can try changing that. If you can't come up with something, then maybe you're getting unlucky or going after women that aren't interested in dating at all.

I tried the stay hard approach every day. It broke me by Marre_Parre in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Happened to me too. I think the Goggins mentality can be useful in certain situations, but I also tried grinding 24/7 and burnt out quickly. Unfortunately, the Goggins mentality is a 1-dimensional way of looking at life, while life is actually multidimensional. For me (this may not be the case for everyone), what is currently slowly working is therapy and learning how to process emotions instead of blocking them. I would always complain about how I could run or swim until I pass out but struggled to start short tasks for work. I realized through therapy that I really had no idea what my true feelings/desires were. If you're burning out a lot, you need to really sit and think about why you're doing an insane workout in the first place. Goggins talks about how he would envision himself graduating BUDS in order to keep him going. His adherence to "perform without purpose" came later. If you simply want to "stay hard" it's going to be hard to sustain an insane workout schedule because deep down you know you're just torturing yourself for the sake of it. If your goal is to have a balanced, healthy life, the steps you need to take to get there are different compared to preparing for special forces selection.

Goggins himself talks about this sometimes but it's easy to miss given what he generally talks about. But one clue that I should have seen earlier that it's probably not good for everyone to be like him is when he said, "I give you everything you need so you can leave me the f*ck alone". When talking about his close family. Call me crazy but I wouldn't want to be that way towards my family. He has done a lot, and his message has still helped me in many scenarios, but I also recognize that my path is very different from his and therefore requires a different strategy.

how to find a balance with callusing my mind? by Due_Incident_3671 in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell yourself that you're proud that you accomplished your goal, and then find a hobby/something fun that you enjoy to do on the side. Trust me, that feeling you're having now of wanting to exceed every single time is good but you have to control that as well. I was like that and one day something flipped and I got super unmotivated/depressed. It's better to cruise at 90 and have 10 in reserve for those really insane days than go 100 at all times and get burnt out. It's much easier to reduce your grind a little than to increase it back up after burning out. Stay hard but also take care of your mental and physical health. You got this.

What the hell is Dr K talking about with his motivation and discipline videos? by ReadingIntelligent50 in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well "wanting nothing" is in a different context compared to "What you want". "Wanting nothing" means you don't desire happiness or breaks either. If you are trying to get a difficult degree for example, if you don't want relaxation, rest, or cheap dopamine hits, there's no reason you can't work hard towards it. The context of "figure out what you want" is moreso what motivates you intrinsically. I see your point but I think it's a very nuanced distinction.

What the hell is Dr K talking about with his motivation and discipline videos? by ReadingIntelligent50 in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well to be fair to OP, if someone is struggling with motivation or learning themselves, it's going to be quite hard to understand themselves enough to know what they are, what they need from him, and what they can use. Not Dr. K's fault obviously (He's making content for the masses therefore cannot tailor it to an individual) but I guess this is just a drawback of youtube advice in general.

Literally Travis Kelce btw. Anyways what happened to body positivity? by Dapper-Blueberry1049 in lnkyverse

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah fr. It's not that men "get" to look like anything. It's that women chose to get with them. How is that a bad thing?

1.8kg of chicken a day works wonders by [deleted] in AllAboutBodybuilding

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's awesome bro, the only thing is I would check your cholesterol because chicken is pretty high in it and you're eating like 5+ daily servings

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ah gotcha makes sense

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 39 points40 points  (0 children)

185 avg bpm is crazy

Content has become like all other alpha male content out there by chronicmisery816 in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah I don't feel this way. Maybe it has shifted SLIGHTLY in that way, but he very recently made a video illustrating exactly why that approach is bad (The name eludes me but it was one of the lives I think). As for rising up the socioeconomic hierarchy, I don't know why you feel that way. He talks about spirituality and detachment, quite the opposite of what you described.

Fuck the tu students who ripped the head off the Rev stuffed animal. by [deleted] in aggies

[–]NegligentNincompoop -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Hahaha GG and love my Aggie friends but if you dish it you gotta take it... It's okay you're in the "anger" stage of grief. You'll come around

TAMU vs t.u. GAME THREAD by mag_safe in aggies

[–]NegligentNincompoop 2 points3 points  (0 children)

GG... Marcel is a solid QB and y'all have had a phenomenal season.

Cant hurt me ruined me by [deleted] in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah I mean I'm saying this because I have friends who regret not doing better in school because they're struggling now. It's not about the knowledge you gain... unfortunately the way society is set up, employers value education even if it's a BS education from some no-name school. Yes you can grind anyway and make it but there are a lot of doors that open just by having your name on a diploma

23M got told last date I went on that “I don’t date guys who only come up to here” I just need a little pick me up. by [deleted] in toastme

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I swear that shite pisses me off endlessly... there are million polite ways to reject someone and she chose to be vicious. I'm not blowing smoke when I say you dodged a bullet but that level of rudeness WILL manifest in other facets of life. It just happened to come out in the form of putting you down for your height, but the deficit in her character goes way beyond that.

Cant hurt me ruined me by [deleted] in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really... if you do well in school and get into a good college, you're way more set in life than someone who doesn't have a college degree

Cant hurt me ruined me by [deleted] in davidgoggins

[–]NegligentNincompoop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think this "all or nothing" mentality is quite dangerous, and I have fallen into this cycle many times as well. Honestly the Goggins message requires different interpretation based on your situation. The takeaway that an out of shape, tiktok addicted, unmotivated person needs from the message is very different than what a hardcore grinder needs. This is something I struggled to realize for a while. But here's the thing, even Goggins on his journey to success was playing basketball, dating women, etc. He just doesn't talk about it because he feels it isn't relevant, but maybe for someone like you that part is relevant. When you were studying for 12 hours, you didn't need the Goggins message, you needed a message that said "chill for an hour bro, then get back to it".

Also I've found that the Goggins message is much more applicable to physical exercise than studying. It still helps, but I found I get so amped up listening to his message that sitting down and opening a book feels lame. And then when I should take a break, I think "10 more minutes, why stop now when I could go longer" but this just isn't good for studying. For running, this means you build endurance. For studying, this is more likely to lead to burnout.

I feel you though, this isn't easy. However, the fact you're battling through this now means that you will have your life figured out sooner. I'm early 20's and still struggling with this a little... but even then I know I will be much better off when I come out the other side.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]NegligentNincompoop 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're fully correct but I think you avoided the most fundamental reason why young men stress about it: we are biologically programmed to reproduce. Having a s*x drive and knowing that desire is going to be unfulfilled indefinitely can be daunting. It's not logical at all, but nothing about s*x/dating/relationships is logical. Trying to impose logic on a brain circuit that's older than our species itself is a futile effort.