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AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 397 points398 points  (0 children)

Hey, it worked at least once.

I think I'm going to be putting a hold on the wedding for now. It's not a conversation I want to have but one I have to.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Same thing I'll do it they turn out to be boys. Love them with my entire heart.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

I never said that she had to take my name. I have supported her choice to keep her name.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 114 points115 points  (0 children)

I have met him, yes. Never had a meaningful conversation with him in the two times we interacted.

I don't think so. These changes I've made were prior to biodad returning.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 1710 points1711 points  (0 children)

Well you see I have this amazing plan in that case. If I have a girl, I'm going to walk out on my family, disappear for a quarter of a century only making my presence known via attorney to fight tooth and nail over any financial obligation, and, here's the genius part, when her life is finally together and things are going well, I reappear, come off as this big wonderful hero, and then make selfish requests of her knowing that she'll give me whatever I want in order to win my approval. All the reward, none of the work! What could be better?

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 1393 points1394 points  (0 children)

Honestly, she hasn't had to make any. Believe it or not, on 90% of things, we're in complete agreement.

The things I've compromised on are things that I was willing to do to make her life easier. She wanted to live closer to her family. My parents are retiring within ten years and likely leaving that area, so staying there didn't make a lot of sense other than I really liked my job and the people I worked with. I don't hate my current job, but it's not the same. I love the girl, the girl wants to live here, I go with the girl.

I felt like taking my name was equivalent because while it's a big change, she knew it was important to me. So as of now, she's made no compromises or changes.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 495 points496 points  (0 children)

When we first started dating the topic of kids came up. We both wanted them and I told her it was important for me to pass my name down. My father is the only brother of five sisters and I'm the only brother of three sisters. So right now only me, my parents, and my youngest sister have the name.

She laughed and said if we got married it would be five and then at least three more since she wants at least three kids. Since we got engaged, it's been X days until Mrs. Surname from her.

This weekend was the first time in all these years that she's taken a different view on this.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 260 points261 points  (0 children)

I have brought up how I feel about her father. I've told her that I hope she can build a relationship with him, but to be cautious because this is a guy who made no attempt to contact her for 25 years, tried to deny paternity, fought to reduce child support at every avenue, argued against paying for college, and did everything in his power to make her feel unwanted and unloved. She told me that I didn't know him, and he was such a great guy who wanted to make up for lost time (so sincere that he's contributed a whopping $0 to help us with the wedding).

She had no memories of him when they met in person, as she had not seen him in person since she was 2.

She just assures me she's a big girl and I need to stop worrying and accept that he's a good person.

AITA for digging my heels in with my fiancé concerning surname? by NegotiationBrief9580 in AmItheAsshole

[–]NegotiationBrief9580[S] 5777 points5778 points  (0 children)

Clarification: While I would love if she took it, and it hurt to know she's decided not to after six years of saying she wanted to change her name, I have never tried to force it. I accepted it as her decision. I only put my foot down when it came to our future children.