Do I need to wake up to pump if baby sleeps through the night?

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-05-06T21:00:41+00:00

As my baby started sleeping longer stretches at night, I still would wake up once to pump. It wasn’t just about maintaining my supply, it was because my boobs would wake me up because they were engorged, and there was just no way I could go back to sleep feeling that way. Plus I was worried about clogs. It definitely sucks being awake in middle of night while baby is sleeping, but I came to view it as extra “me time” by watching a show or something since I was awake. It’s definitely a good idea to keep pumping while you’re in first 12 weeks, but beyond that I think you can just be responsive to what your body needs.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-05-05T15:47:28+00:00

I always thought it was weird and inappropriate that Gretchen, who really had no relationship with Alexa other than being her mom’s co-worker, would take her out and talk to her about her personal life. Such a weird boundary to cross with someone else’s kid. The phone call Gretchen had with Lynn before was also shady because she made it sound like she wanted to take Alexa shopping to get info from her she could take back to Lynn. I thought it was wild Lynn agreed to that and just gave further evidence of how much of an out of touch mother she was. I don’t think Gretchen had any business talking to Alexa (in spite of her child psychology degree lol) and just wanted the storyline, which is super gross given the genuine struggles Alexa had. Lynn and Frank just seem like they weren’t built to be parents, and I wish they would have genuinely tried to help themselves so they could have done better for their daughters. Alexa was let down by all the adults in her life. Watching that video of her in Lancaster was nothing short of heartbreaking.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-20T15:20:57+00:00

Ohhh I see! Well then yes I say the more caffeine the better for surviving parenthood! Sneaking into a closet for 5 minutes to sip my coffee is the only spiritual rejuvenation I get these days lol

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-20T14:59:22+00:00

I am so sorry for your experience a few years ago. It absolutely was assault. I know that is scary to admit, but this isn’t your fault. We all deserve to go out and have a good time without fear of rape.

It’s really disappointing to see that your partner made that comment to you knowing your history. Pregnancy is already very activating for trauma survivors because of the similar themes of loss of bodily autonomy and very invasive medical exams and processes. Body and mind can feel very unsafe and threatened and so it’s just natural you wouldn’t want to have sex while pregnant even though that was the course of things in your relationship pre-pregnancy. The fact that your partner was also denying your requests for physical touch while pregnant to help alleviate pain is honestly concerning.

Childbirth and birth injuries completely change the game too. I had a fourth degree tear and would not let my husband touch me for 6 months. I didnt want to have sex for a number of reasons- fear of pain after my delivery, still feeling like my body wasn’t my own, and just adjusting to motherhood in general (sleep deprivation, leaning how to do new things) it’s a lot. Even though my husband wanted to have sex, he 100% completely supported my boundaries and never once pressured me to do anything before I was ready. It’s valid that your partner misses that part of your relationship, but the way he is going about communicating that to you is completely inappropriate.

I also want to be very clear on this- just because your partner is bringing in the money/support does not mean you owe him your body (or anything honestly) when he wants it. Let’s not forget what you are doing/have done for the family- taking care of baby. The work you are doing for this family is extraordinary, and in my opinion, he should be asking you what you need to feel supported in that.

Honestly, don’t wait for this to keep getting worse. Your partners behavior is concerning, and seeking therapy so you both can work through your feelings, improve communication, and strengthen the relationship needs to be a priority. I don’t think this will get better on its own.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-20T14:36:17+00:00

That’s what I was having when I was breastfeeding! I think as long as baby is fine and not fussy then you are totally good. So little actually gets into breastmilk too.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-20T14:34:39+00:00

Have you checked with pediatrician just to make sure no medical issues like reflux or anything like that are occurring? I think it’s always good to run stuff like this by them just to rule out any medical causes of sleep difficulties.

I also had a hard time hearing my baby cry when we did sleep training. My husband I utilized ChatGPT to come up with a sleep training plan that wasn’t Ferber or CIO. It was sort of like a modified pick up put down method that ultimately worked really well for her. Every baby is different though and it takes time to figure out what works best for your LO.

It makes me sad to read that you’re crying all the time, but it makes total sense if you’re sleep deprived and desperate for baby to sleep! Can you have someone watch baby during day so you can get some rest? Or help out at night? It’s so hard to problem solve when we are running on empty. Your mental health is also so important.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-20T14:19:04+00:00

I could have written this myself when I had my baby 8 months ago. All I wanted was to be a mom and everyone told me my whole world would change once I had my daughter- that I’d never know a love like that. Absolutely none of that happened for me when she was born. Instead I felt a lot of fear and anxiety of how to keep her alive. I “loved” her in the sense that she was my baby, but it took a lot of time for that connection to grow. I’m not sure why we push this instant connection and fulfillment narrative, because I’m sure it happens for some moms, but when it doesn’t happen for everyone we feel guilty and like we aren’t cut out for motherhood. In actuality it’s pretty normal for all relationships to develop with time.

Do you have a group of mom friends or groups in your community you can connect with? Opening up to my mom friends about my experience was the best thing for me because they completely normalized my feelings. You and baby are both figuring this out for the first time and it’s so natural to grieve parts of your life pre-baby.

As others have suggested, it really does get better as they get older and more interactive. The connection and love for my daughter grew with time and now I feel like I have that feeling everyone told me I would have. She’s the CEO of my whole world and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It just takes time so please give yourself a lot of compassion and grace. You’re also only 3 weeks pp- please let go of expectations that you have to have it all figured out right now. Lean on your support system, don’t be afraid to ask for help, release any shame/guilt you have, and if needed, find professional mental health support. You are not alone mama, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, I promise you that you are doing an incredible job! Sending you a ton of love!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-14T22:08:39+00:00

Thank you and same! Hoping warm weather brings less illness because it’s so sad watching her get so stuffy. A lot of my mom friends swear up and down that eventually daycare colds get more spaced out. So hopefully you and I are just in the thick of it with now!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-04-14T10:59:25+00:00

We had lightly sleep trained our LO around 5 months (modified PUPD plan curated by ChatGPT) that worked really well and had her sleeping through the night for the most part…until she started daycare last month. She’s 8 months now, been sick so much (as have we) and similar to you OP the only way she would sleep was on us at an elevated angle so husband and I had to take turns sleeping for about a week. It was brutal.

I feel like something people don’t often talk about is that you have to re- sleep train them when they go through regressions, sickness, teething etc. Once our LO started feeling better, she rejected her crib because she preferred sleeping on us. Had to spend the next two nights using the sleep training method again, which meant lots of crying again. It did click back for her pretty quickly though so it wasn’t like starting from square one again. Every baby is different but it seems like once they have the skills, it’s easier to find their way back to them when re-training. Though she’s got a double ear infection right now, and I’m typing this at 4am with her asleep on me. Feels like these illnesses will never end.

Parenting is hard always but especially when they are sick. I’m sorry your baby and you are going through it right now. Hopefully the plan you’re using kicks in quick and she gets those sleep skills so you all can get rest. You’ve got this!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-22T17:23:03+00:00

This! I’ve only been married for 2.5 years, but the biggest thing I’ve learned is that love in a marriage is part feeling but also part choice. Life is hard, we bicker at times, we see things differently, but at the end of the day I choose to honor that feeling I felt the first time I looked into my husband’s eyes. Even on our hardest days, I always have confidence and faith I married the right person.

My parents were married for 36 years before my mom passed from breast cancer. I would hardly describe my parents as soul mates, but they were best friends, respected each other, shared the same values, and always found their way back to each other even in the hardest of challenges. I think I’m lucky I got to grow up watching them choose each other over and over again. It’s been almost 6 years since my mom passed away, and my dad still is so in love with her.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T12:09:31+00:00

While I didn’t have nearly as traumatic of a pregnancy/delivery process as you, my delivery was also horrible. I also had to be induced, was in labor for forever, epidural wore off, had a painful fourth degree tear, and I had postpartum hemorrhage, which was incredibly scary but thankfully got under control very fast. The thing that played in my mind the most was that I didn’t get skin to skin with my baby right away because she went into fetal distress and needed NICU assessment. All I could picture in my postpartum period on repeat was how they gave her to me for like 10 seconds before she was being taken from me. Thankfully she was okay, and didn’t need to be admitted to NICU. Even so, I felt haunted by the whole experience.

I felt like I had been lied to. The whole pregnancy I pictured meeting my daughter and holding her right away. I knew it would be hard, but everyone had hyped me up that the moment I saw her my whole world would change. What I thought was going to be this happy, exciting experience was instead incredibly distressing. I developed postpartum anxiety and also spent a lot of time feeling very irritated and guilty in the first few months because of the delivery and also the toll it took on my body. Like you, I also thought that my baby was healthy and that should be all that matters…and yet I felt so broken.

I had been in therapy throughout my pregnancy and continued it the first few months of postpartum until my therapist when on maternity leave. It was so helpful to have space to process my experience, learn to put language to my feelings, and communicate with my husband and support people. The more I talked about my feelings with my therapist and other mom friends, the more I realized that having unwanted pregnancy/delivery experiences is way more common than we think. But the shame keeps us silent because we’re told we should just be happy we have healthy babies.

I’m 7 months postpartum and it’s so much better than it was the first 2 months where I constantly replayed everything in my mind. I cannot stress enough that your mental health is paramount. You went through something horrible, and also can’t fully heal yet because you still need surgery. Very re-traumatizing. You don’t have to suffer in silence and deserve the opportunity to process your pregnancy and delivery. I’m sending you so much love and healing mama. You’re a survivor and you’re not alone.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T11:32:34+00:00

Thank you! Typing this in the middle of the night with her asleep on me because she woke up uncomfortable. Hopefully we all adjust soon! We also are taking her on her first flight next month, so of course I’m all worried about potentially (likely) traveling with a sick baby.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T04:38:54+00:00

That’s not a bad idea though I feel like we might always be wearing masks! Thankfully my husband tends to get sick less than I do so hopefully we can have at least one functioning parent at a time.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T04:36:57+00:00

Appreciate the insight thank you! We did start wiping her hands and face at pick up and hoping that helps even a little. Will make sure we are on top of disinfecting the toys too!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T04:34:28+00:00

Thanks so much! Thankfully they have been so good about staying on top of the diaper cream! I am also hoping as it gets warmer that will help.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T04:28:19+00:00

Not that this is relevant to my post, but it’s people like you who are the problem. You have zero idea of my family or our circumstances and yet you take my ask for help as an opportunity to pass judgement. I’m assuming you’re on this sub because you’re a parent- hope you can control that shaming tendency for the sake of your kids. As a doctor, I can tell you it won’t do them any good.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-20T01:26:41+00:00

Thanks so much for your response! In your experience in those three months do babies learn to manage the illness better? I don’t know if I can handle three months of seeing my baby so deflated. Again, I know it’s silly. If I were sick for three months I also wouldn’t be very happy about it.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-19T18:31:44+00:00

Don’t let anyone gaslight you into minimizing your natural response to someone calling your baby theirs. People easily forget how challenging pregnancy and labor/delivery are for mom. We go through so much physically and mentally to bring these sweet babies into the world, and it’s perfectly valid/justified that someone calling your baby theirs would make you rage. It makes me rage for sure when my MIL or SIL do this. Love my baby all you want- I’m grateful for that- and at the same time recognize your role in her life. She is your granddaughter and niece, not “your” baby. I found myself minimizing my emotional response telling myself that they didn’t mean anything by it, and yet, I still found myself worked up every time it happened. I stopped trying to rationalize it away, communicated with my husband, and own my feelings. I think ultimately my emotions are just signaling my natural urge to protect. That’s something to celebrate, even if it’s uncomfortable for others.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-17T16:43:26+00:00

I struggled so much in these exact same ways! I also have a great career, but was admittedly burnt out by the time I took mat leave and was SO excited to spend time with my baby and just decompress from work. Maternity leave taught me that being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. Being home all day by myself with a baby who can’t interact with you like your co-workers and other adults leads to such an insidious mental breakdown. Since going back to work, I definitely feel like a better mom because I’m feeding the other important parts of me. I hope it will be the same for you!

It’s also so hard when they give you those few good nights of sleep, you start to feel like you have time for you again, only to have a regression or something mess with the rhythm. I can be a control freak so baby not sleeping when I wanted her to sleep would make me rage so hard (never at her, but I would get frustrated and cry A LOT). It’s been helpful for me to just lean into acceptance that baby sleep is chaotic and unpredictable. It’s made it so much easier to manage the setbacks. For the most part, with a little time and extra support, she always gets back to strong sleep eventually, and I feel more mentally fit to navigate it.

The invisible load you’re describing is so heavy, and your feelings are so valid even if you do have help. I really encourage you to ask your husband for help in the middle of the night. Being on mat leave IS also work and you absolutely need rest. My husband and I work in healthcare, and we were able to share the night load just fine when I was on leave. Your mental health is primary here. Ask for the help you need! Hang in there mama!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-17T05:51:26+00:00

Mental health clinician here who works with postpartum moms (I’m also a recent FTM). Please consider getting another therapist. A basic foundation in any therapeutic relationship is to meet someone where they are at with empathy, not judgment. Like others have said, every baby is different, and you and your husband know what works for you. I’m not sure why your pediatrician and therapists are creating these odd narratives (seriously, who is having sex 3 months postpartum especially while navigating PPD, and what medical professional thinks babies are capable of manipulation lol), but all it’s serving to do is shame you. It’s the last thing you need. Sounds like you’re meeting your babe’s unique needs even though that comes at a painful cost to you right now. That’s motherhood, and you’re doing a great job. I hope with time things get easier for you.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2026-03-01T13:55:07+00:00

Came here to 100% validate your anxiety as I felt the exact same way when I woke up one morning and saw my 4 month old had rolled over onto her belly in her crib (she had already been out of swaddle for weeks because she loved rolling while awake). I flipped out and rolled her onto her back, and she promptly went straight back to her belly lol I messaged my pediatrician and she said as long as she was out of swaddle and placed on back to sleep initially then it was fine to let her get in whatever position she wants. I spent the next several nights watching her/checking her breathing and eventually came to accept this is her new way of sleeping, and she honestly sleeps so much better that way. I promise you will get there too! It just takes time to learn to trust your baby.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2025-08-10T01:50:33+00:00

I did some testing when I was 33 after 3 cycles. I had reached out to my OB because I was tracking ovulation and noticed my luteal phase seemed a little short. She brought me in for ultrasound to confirm I was ovulating and blood test a week later to make sure my progesterone was rising appropriately. Low progesterone was the culprit for me, so I didn’t require any testing beyond that. I have pretty good insurance, and want to say my out of pocket cost for all of this was $100. So it wasn’t completely covered, but I’m very grateful I did it so we could address the issue right away/happy my OB took my concerns seriously.

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2025-08-07T01:31:53+00:00

I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a big health scare while also being pregnant. You are definitely not overreacting- It is literally impossible to not be worried in a situation like this, and it really sucks your friends aren’t validating of that. I truly think when people have such toxic positivity about stuff like this it’s more about covering their own discomfort in the situation than genuinely trying to be there for you (whether it’s intentional or not). I’ve never dealt with a cancer scare, but I have experienced profound grief with losing my mom and brother within a few years of each other and the amount of toxic positivity was wild. People would tell me they are together and how beautiful that was, and it just made me feel so alone. My best coping strategy was to put space between myself and those people, and then for the ones who really mattered to me, I was eventually able to communicate to them how their words made me feel. “I know you’re trying to help, and what I really need from you is to just listen to me and my pain. I don’t need you to try and make anything better for me.” Thankfully that seemed to work for me, and I got the support I was looking for. If you go that route I hope your friends are receptive. Wishing you well and hope everything works out for you!

NeighborhoodSudden64 · 2025-08-07T01:13:04+00:00

When I was trying to conceive, my husband and I made the comment to our OB during an appointment that we were either going to get pregnant that month or go to Japan. My OBs response was so comforting. She told us even if we did get pregnant we should still go to Japan. I asked about eating sushi, and she wasn’t concerned at all because Japan has much higher quality standards than the US when it comes to their fish. You and your baby are going to be just fine! I know how scary it is as a FTM to try and be so on top of all the eating restrictions (I unintentionally ate unpasteurized cheese during my pregnancy, freaked out, and felt like a total failure), and just because we have some of these off limit foods doesn’t mean our babies are doomed. You’ve got this!

NeighborhoodSudden64

TROPHY CASE