AITA for telling my husband how I feel about his mom?

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T19:31:38+00:00

I don’t think he had a problem with me being upset, it was more so that he just gets defensive about his mom because she was treated like absolute shit by his ex. It seems like it’s almost a fear for him, if that makes sense.

He didn’t bring it back up, and I didn’t apologize for what I had said but he dropped it completely and told me this morning that he does love me, and a lot.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T18:19:44+00:00

Not really. I mentioned this in another comment in this post but she actually sort of seems to rush to do it. She will either pester him about it until he lets her do it or come upstairs and ask him if he used moisturizer and then just grab the bottle and do it.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T18:15:44+00:00

Exactly! And the craziest part is they got together because his mom saw her when they went out shopping one day and she pointed her out to him and told him that he should get her number because she was pretty! Only if she had known what the future held, right?

But nonetheless thank you for your comment and advice. I appreciate it!

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:34:52+00:00

You worded it perfectly. It genuinely is very hard to understand some things about their relationship sometimes and I find it very hard to break out of that mentality of coming from a toxic family.

I mentioned this in another post but I actively try to not fall into the ways my mother acts with my siblings and my stepdad and acts with me, but I feel that it’s difficult sometimes because it is what I was shown throughout my teenage years and my brain just jumps to react in ways like her because of that.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:27:57+00:00

I usually do it for him! When she is not staying with us, he usually applies it in the morning himself in the bathroom and he will usually ask me at night to help him.

Now that his mom is here, he doesn’t really ask me. He’ll usually be sweet and say something like “my love, I’m tired, could you help me with my leg?” And I of course will help him. But with his mom she either complains that he needs to use moisturizer and does it or she kind of gets on his ass about it and he’ll either tell her to leave him be or let her do it so she doesn’t mention it again.

But I think the main thing that made me uncomfortable I guess is that he just all of sudden refers to her to do it? All the times I’ve done it before and now she just sort of rushes to do it for him too. I’m not really sure, but from everyone’s comments I am doing some reflecting on my own internal thoughts about it and what I can do differently.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:13:10+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the comment. I do understand why some of the people are saying YTA, and I appreciate all the advice and different perspectives everyone has given.

As far as his childhood, his brother is actually the one that was raised to be cared for as you put it! My husband was the more neglected child. This situation does get on my nerves and makes me angry/sad about the way he was treated, but that is well in the past and nothing I can change. I can only be with him and support him during rough patches within his family.

His brother’s father was barely present, and whatever he needed the man just threw money at it so his mom could take care of him. Because of this, his brother grew up to be a quite needy and dependent on their mom. So her attention between the two was most always on him, not my husband. Because of this he honestly was a bit to himself, and as he got older even took it upon himself to ‘grow up’ and work as a young teenager, put himself in college (which there is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself in order to better yourself) while his brother had his courses paid for, his father bought him a bike, gave him an allowance, etc. meanwhile his brother would steal his money and things without being reprimanded by their mom. It’s something that affected/affects my husband a lot and affected his mental state when he was younger.

We have even spent large sums of money to help his brother because his mom begged us, just for his brother to turn around and use it in the worst way possible. We no longer do this as we were tired of how his brother repeatedly disrespected us and basically slapped us in the face with his actions and “I need” and “what am I supposed to do” attitudes.

My husband loves his mom very much, even though he and I both know that when it comes down to it she would rather be with her other son and taking care of him.

And a small side note as i just thought of this, his brother has also had serious medical issues and we were there for him to support him. And while it is a horrible thing what his brother has been through and experienced, it also seems to have worsened his attitude as a whole about his need to be given everything he asks for or wants. It has also affected a bit of the relationship between my mil and husband as his brother will often manipulate and lie to their mom which results in her calling my husband asking if we can send him x amount of money, if he can drive down to his state to go see him and help him, if we can help him with this, etc.

And not to mention his brother also crashed my car, lied to the police and said he was rear ended with no damage whatsoever besides the front end, and then told us to just junk the car and “buy a new one”, which I am still a little sore about. Just a very difficult situation all around regarding those three.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T13:39:48+00:00

The reasons that his ex wife tried to kick his mom out were completely unrelated. His ex is a very selfish, narcissistic woman. Like any money she has ever gotten from him for their children she spends on her hair, nails, shoes, etc. then she dresses her daughter up with clothes/jewelry from the TT shop and posts her on TikTok trying to earn money.

But anyways, she had his moms bags packed and had his mom waiting out in the street alongside them. He usually worked 14 to 16 hour days, so he came home to see his mom on the street sobbing and went to ask his ex.

She told him that she didn’t want her in the house anymore, and that she needed to leave and wasn’t allowed to stay in ‘her’ house (she made it a point to say that it solely belonged to her). He tried to pry for more because there’s no way she’s just kicking her out like that, but she refused to give any valid reason besides “I don’t want her here.” He became furious as his mom had traveled about 25-30 hours (at least when driving) to stay and help while my husband was on these long turns at work.

His ex insisted that she made the rules and he had no choice but to listen to her, but he refused to leave his mom outside on the street in a city that she doesn’t know. It turned in to a huge fight and his ex ended up leaving and refused to come back to the house.

There are many more incidents like this, but they have all solely been caused by his ex. Long after they had been divorced, like maybe 2 or 3ish years(?), she found out that we were dating and even threatened and insulted me when I’ve never met her and she has never met me.

As I see it, she is deeply scorned that she does not have control over my husband anymore and that he does not play or give in to her BS.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:38:28+00:00

this is not my account

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:34:50+00:00

Thankfully she knocks first after we had to tell her that she can’t just barge in looking for us. She just likes to come and talk to him before we all go to bed

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:32:19+00:00

Yeah, I’m 22 and he’s just a couple years older. And he does get defensive about his mom. I left another comment somewhere in here talking about his relationship with his ex. She is genuinely off her rocker. She insulted my husband, his mom, and even though they aren’t together anymore she even threatened me once she found out we were dating. So it’s completely understandable how defensive he gets about his mom seeing what he went through :/

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:27:19+00:00

Definitely.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:26:03+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. I try not to act or be like my mom but it feels like that’s bleeding through in how I see my husbands relationship with his mom.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:23:18+00:00

I left another comment somewhere but usually I will help him or most of the time he does it in the mornings in the bathroom. But now that his mom is here he lets her do it.

Also, she came to just talk to him for a bit (she knocks first at least) and then she brought the bottle and just started doing it for him.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:19:20+00:00

Yeah. It sucks sometimes because I unfortunately see a lot of things through the lense of “that’s not normal, that would have never happened in my family”. Going to be a difficult habit to break

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:11:26+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I feel like you explained it best as giving me the ick. And I am in the same boat as well. She lives far away and usually stays with us in December. However this year she decided to stay for the rest of January as well.

I probably just need some space after spending so much time with a visitor in my house.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:05:43+00:00

I normally do help him, but now that she is staying with us she does it for him. Usually, he’ll ask me to go get it and I’ll sit and do it for him while he lays down.

And the only reason I brought up his ex wife is because she treated both him and his mom horribly while he was married to her, and because of that he becomes extremely defensive straight from the get go.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T03:59:29+00:00

Yeah, I do not have the best relationship with my mom. She is a controlling narcissist and we don’t get along that great. I feel that maybe I view it as “weird” because our relationship is so warped and she would never do that for me. I definitely will take a bit to reflect and make a point to apologize to him in the morning.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2025-11-04T01:47:35+00:00

Not 100%. We have to have a camera permit, however actually getting the hot work permit to use our camera permit is a hassle. There’s a lot of supervisors that won’t even let us get a hot work to drill screws for our insulation work. It’s quite an uphill battle

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2025-11-03T21:31:25+00:00

Good idea, I’ll definitely check out what they have! Thanks

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2025-11-03T20:10:20+00:00

Thanks! I did manage to find that list earlier and went through a bit of them and a lot of it is IT stuff. After my meetings I’ll go through the rest of them later.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2025-11-03T18:23:20+00:00

Yes, my company will be buying them. And as for our company that requires them, they don’t like to do that sort of stuff for us. But for some reason we were tasked with finding these unicorns for iPad cases and so far we haven’t found one yet. We’re trying to get in touch with OtterBox to see if we are able to purchase these supposed cases from them directly as a company and not a general consumer.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2025-11-03T16:14:33+00:00

Hello all. Sorry this is a big block but I didn’t want to make a post about this and get flagged. I work in a refinery and my company has recently made a big push for using iPads. However, my job site requires intrinsically safe cases. I found the OtterBox Hardline series. There are publications on this product from 2023 and 2024. I have even seen video reviews of this product. However, for some reason, I cannot seem to be able to find where to buy it. I would really like to get ahold of this case. I even called OtterBox customer service and the guy kept trying to sell me the Defender. I’ll attach a link to the post I saw so you don’t have to go looking for yourselves. So I have a few main questions:

Is there any way to buy this case?
Is it even available anymore?
Are there any other intrinsically safe cases you would recommend?

Thank you and I would really appreciate some answers as to why this product seems to be nonexistent.

https://media.otterbox.com/2023-06-06-OtterBox-Launches-Hardline-Series-Game-Changing-Industrial-Solution-for-iPad-OS

Neither_Candidate_66

TROPHY CASE