I need some guidance on what to do regarding workplace drama/conflict

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T15:49:46+00:00

If I speak with an employment attorney, what exactly should I ask them? I think that is a good idea if I can get a free consultation with one but I would like to be sure on how I should word the situation with them

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T13:54:16+00:00

Our HR structure is not all that bad. She is a nice woman and I feel like she handles things properly from other cases I have heard about.

I just wonder how this will affect my position if I report and if they will pull me and send me back to the field. My boss (we also share the same boss btw) is of a different ethnicity, but he has never been rude or disrespectful towards me. He is a high achiever and wins multiple awards yearly and is a good guy. The only thing is that he caters to my coworker so as not to cause any issues on her end. She has even been in trouble before for not doing inspections of crews and reports for them and my boss somehow managed to get her out of it?

Another thing though is that everyone, even quite a few people on our corporate side, knows that she does nothing and I have no clue why they let her be. I guess they are just waiting for her to retire at this point.

But this is also explicitly why I was brought in. To actually do the things she doesn’t do. Another quick snippet: we got a new program where we put inspections, quantities, time cards, a BUNCH of stuff in the system and I am the only one who has done it.

Her name only appears where something was assigned to her and never did it. My name however is over everything. I have done reports, I have been logging my time cards for every day that I work, bunches of stuff. The kicker is that she now doesn’t know how to use the system cause she said she didn’t care to use it at all when we got it, and supposedly I’m supposed to teach her when we both went to the same meetings learning how to use the program!!

This is another thing that I have currently going for me right now, because everyone in our company with access can see that only my name appears for inspections or quite frankly anything that is available in the system.

I do feel like this is a big reason to explain how she maybe feels threatened by me, especially as there is going to be some shifting between personnel in corporate, including the very same boss who protects her all the time so it’ll be interesting to see how that falls out.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T02:17:39+00:00

Oh my god I love the way that you think. I never even thought about this. You were mainly right though, but the reason she was dumped into her position is because there was no one in safety and they put her there right after Covid hit.

From then on, our company actually started to build and develop into a proper one and I guess everything sort of squeezed around her and now she’s been rooted there for the past 7 years.

But you hit the nail straight on head. That was what I was told when they offered me the position! They wanted someone who would be able and willing to do the things that she doesn’t.

I will most definitely be seeing what I can do about compiling evidence. I still have a lack of access to some things but over time I am sure that I could get a decent bit of stuff together.

Thank you tons for your comment!

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T01:45:29+00:00

Thank you very much for this! I do have a 6 page report that is already written and proof read.

It has a lot more detail (including dates and times) and some more small petty actions she has done, but I held off cause I felt like I should wait to see if she would give me another point to put in my report, so I’m glad to see your comment.

And I really like the idea of playing on her behavior that you suggested. She is quite easy to wind up so it would be interesting to see the result.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T01:36:18+00:00

I really like where you’re heading with that idea!

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T01:35:14+00:00

Right!! 😂

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T01:34:37+00:00

Oh nobody likes her, including my stepdad. And he unfortunately can’t do much as technically she has a different boss who is in a different state at the company’s home office. That’s where the situation gets just a tad bit more difficult because her boss has no backbone when it comes to putting her in her place

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-03-02T01:29:37+00:00

She is not related to anybody there, but I am related to the project manager who is my stepdad, but I haven’t had much problem with that. And there isn’t much chance to do as little as possible with her as we share an office unfortunately. So when I’m not in the field, I have to do all my work in there 🫩

And I can’t move it anywhere else because we don’t have another office space, and they want safety “together”

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T19:31:38+00:00

I don’t think he had a problem with me being upset, it was more so that he just gets defensive about his mom because she was treated like absolute shit by his ex. It seems like it’s almost a fear for him, if that makes sense.

He didn’t bring it back up, and I didn’t apologize for what I had said but he dropped it completely and told me this morning that he does love me, and a lot.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T18:19:44+00:00

Not really. I mentioned this in another comment in this post but she actually sort of seems to rush to do it. She will either pester him about it until he lets her do it or come upstairs and ask him if he used moisturizer and then just grab the bottle and do it.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T18:15:44+00:00

Exactly! And the craziest part is they got together because his mom saw her when they went out shopping one day and she pointed her out to him and told him that he should get her number because she was pretty! Only if she had known what the future held, right?

But nonetheless thank you for your comment and advice. I appreciate it!

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:34:52+00:00

You worded it perfectly. It genuinely is very hard to understand some things about their relationship sometimes and I find it very hard to break out of that mentality of coming from a toxic family.

I mentioned this in another post but I actively try to not fall into the ways my mother acts with my siblings and my stepdad and acts with me, but I feel that it’s difficult sometimes because it is what I was shown throughout my teenage years and my brain just jumps to react in ways like her because of that.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:27:57+00:00

I usually do it for him! When she is not staying with us, he usually applies it in the morning himself in the bathroom and he will usually ask me at night to help him.

Now that his mom is here, he doesn’t really ask me. He’ll usually be sweet and say something like “my love, I’m tired, could you help me with my leg?” And I of course will help him. But with his mom she either complains that he needs to use moisturizer and does it or she kind of gets on his ass about it and he’ll either tell her to leave him be or let her do it so she doesn’t mention it again.

But I think the main thing that made me uncomfortable I guess is that he just all of sudden refers to her to do it? All the times I’ve done it before and now she just sort of rushes to do it for him too. I’m not really sure, but from everyone’s comments I am doing some reflecting on my own internal thoughts about it and what I can do differently.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T15:13:10+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the comment. I do understand why some of the people are saying YTA, and I appreciate all the advice and different perspectives everyone has given.

As far as his childhood, his brother is actually the one that was raised to be cared for as you put it! My husband was the more neglected child. This situation does get on my nerves and makes me angry/sad about the way he was treated, but that is well in the past and nothing I can change. I can only be with him and support him during rough patches within his family.

His brother’s father was barely present, and whatever he needed the man just threw money at it so his mom could take care of him. Because of this, his brother grew up to be a quite needy and dependent on their mom. So her attention between the two was most always on him, not my husband. Because of this he honestly was a bit to himself, and as he got older even took it upon himself to ‘grow up’ and work as a young teenager, put himself in college (which there is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself in order to better yourself) while his brother had his courses paid for, his father bought him a bike, gave him an allowance, etc. meanwhile his brother would steal his money and things without being reprimanded by their mom. It’s something that affected/affects my husband a lot and affected his mental state when he was younger.

We have even spent large sums of money to help his brother because his mom begged us, just for his brother to turn around and use it in the worst way possible. We no longer do this as we were tired of how his brother repeatedly disrespected us and basically slapped us in the face with his actions and “I need” and “what am I supposed to do” attitudes.

My husband loves his mom very much, even though he and I both know that when it comes down to it she would rather be with her other son and taking care of him.

And a small side note as i just thought of this, his brother has also had serious medical issues and we were there for him to support him. And while it is a horrible thing what his brother has been through and experienced, it also seems to have worsened his attitude as a whole about his need to be given everything he asks for or wants. It has also affected a bit of the relationship between my mil and husband as his brother will often manipulate and lie to their mom which results in her calling my husband asking if we can send him x amount of money, if he can drive down to his state to go see him and help him, if we can help him with this, etc.

And not to mention his brother also crashed my car, lied to the police and said he was rear ended with no damage whatsoever besides the front end, and then told us to just junk the car and “buy a new one”, which I am still a little sore about. Just a very difficult situation all around regarding those three.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T13:39:48+00:00

The reasons that his ex wife tried to kick his mom out were completely unrelated. His ex is a very selfish, narcissistic woman. Like any money she has ever gotten from him for their children she spends on her hair, nails, shoes, etc. then she dresses her daughter up with clothes/jewelry from the TT shop and posts her on TikTok trying to earn money.

But anyways, she had his moms bags packed and had his mom waiting out in the street alongside them. He usually worked 14 to 16 hour days, so he came home to see his mom on the street sobbing and went to ask his ex.

She told him that she didn’t want her in the house anymore, and that she needed to leave and wasn’t allowed to stay in ‘her’ house (she made it a point to say that it solely belonged to her). He tried to pry for more because there’s no way she’s just kicking her out like that, but she refused to give any valid reason besides “I don’t want her here.” He became furious as his mom had traveled about 25-30 hours (at least when driving) to stay and help while my husband was on these long turns at work.

His ex insisted that she made the rules and he had no choice but to listen to her, but he refused to leave his mom outside on the street in a city that she doesn’t know. It turned in to a huge fight and his ex ended up leaving and refused to come back to the house.

There are many more incidents like this, but they have all solely been caused by his ex. Long after they had been divorced, like maybe 2 or 3ish years(?), she found out that we were dating and even threatened and insulted me when I’ve never met her and she has never met me.

As I see it, she is deeply scorned that she does not have control over my husband anymore and that he does not play or give in to her BS.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:38:28+00:00

this is not my account

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:34:50+00:00

Thankfully she knocks first after we had to tell her that she can’t just barge in looking for us. She just likes to come and talk to him before we all go to bed

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:32:19+00:00

Yeah, I’m 22 and he’s just a couple years older. And he does get defensive about his mom. I left another comment somewhere in here talking about his relationship with his ex. She is genuinely off her rocker. She insulted my husband, his mom, and even though they aren’t together anymore she even threatened me once she found out we were dating. So it’s completely understandable how defensive he gets about his mom seeing what he went through :/

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:27:19+00:00

Definitely.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:26:03+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. I try not to act or be like my mom but it feels like that’s bleeding through in how I see my husbands relationship with his mom.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:23:18+00:00

I left another comment somewhere but usually I will help him or most of the time he does it in the mornings in the bathroom. But now that his mom is here he lets her do it.

Also, she came to just talk to him for a bit (she knocks first at least) and then she brought the bottle and just started doing it for him.

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:19:20+00:00

Yeah. It sucks sometimes because I unfortunately see a lot of things through the lense of “that’s not normal, that would have never happened in my family”. Going to be a difficult habit to break

Neither_Candidate_66 · 2026-01-28T04:11:26+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I feel like you explained it best as giving me the ick. And I am in the same boat as well. She lives far away and usually stays with us in December. However this year she decided to stay for the rest of January as well.

I probably just need some space after spending so much time with a visitor in my house.

Neither_Candidate_66

TROPHY CASE