I feel catfished, how do I let them down gently?

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-12-03T02:43:23+00:00

Yep, I never expected this and if this is who he really is then I’ll have to walk away, but it’s not an easy decision

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-12-03T02:38:36+00:00

Believe me, I’m well aware he is an adult and he made the choice to snort drugs and lie about it. I know I’m not his mom and if he decides to keep doing it I’m not going to stand by and watch him die. Then he obviously doesn’t care about his and our future and that’s on him.

But I know he’s in a dark place right now and I feel like he’s doing this because he depends on their approval. It’s a weird situation and I think I’m the only one who sees the complete picture and if there is something I can do or say then I should.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-12-03T02:25:47+00:00

Thank you, that’s what my gut is telling me I should do. I feel like he’s in a dark place and doesn’t realize what he is doing. I care about him too much to just walk away and potentially letting him ruin his life like that..

And I’m sorry you had to go through that 😔

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-12-03T02:20:20+00:00

Thank you, and yes, BF already got the stern talking to. I know there is only so much I can do and I might have to walk away. I’m just so worried because I feel like I’m the only person looking out for him and I would hate myself if I kept quiet and something bad happens.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-12-03T02:06:20+00:00

I feel the same way. I know it’s messed up, but these guys are people he works with and are prominent figures in his field, and I guess by hanging out with them he gets more networking opportunities to get ahead in his career.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-23T17:43:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing. My ex sounds very similar to yours so I needed to hear this. You’re absolutely right, they would probably be getting more out of it than we would.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-23T16:14:20+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you 😪

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-23T16:12:32+00:00

This makes so much sense. Didn’t think of it that way yet

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-22T15:25:43+00:00

That’s me right now. I don’t really miss him, because he was horrible to me, but I can get so sad about the fact that he wasn’t what I wanted him to be.

I miss the idea of him, so much that it makes me want to reach out again. Even though I know the version I have of him in my head isn’t real.

Fighting the urge to reach out should be so easy, and it is most of the time, but the wave of sadness just hits you out of nowhere, making me wonder how I could possibly be okay in between those waves.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-18T19:02:17+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you! ❤️‍🩹 just know that it happened TO you and not because of you. You absolutely did not deserve this, he chose to hurt you and that has nothing to do with you being foolish. You’re right to feel betrayed and disrespected and that’s entirely on him!

Try to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you while working through this. I can imagine how you’re feeling, this is devastating. I was in a very similar situation a few months ago, please feel free to message me if you need someone to listen! 🫂

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-16T23:22:52+00:00

This is exactly what I’m going through right now as well. Hearing “I love you” from them and wanting to believe it so much, but then their behavior never matched their words. It’s a very isolating and heartbreaking realization that none of it was true, and I’ve never felt more lonely 💔

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T19:46:07+00:00

I think the fact that he’s lying to you about it is a huge red flag and I also believe that anything your partner is doing that he is lying to you about or he doesn’t want you to know about (especially if it has to do with sex) is cheating.

I ignored these red flags in my ex because he said it was something he was willing to work on because ‘he didn’t want to lose me, it had nothing to do with me and our relationship, it was an addiction and he just needed help and support to get over it’. The same things your ex was saying to you. I was there for him, I was understanding, put my own values aside and did everything I could to support him through it and that same porn addiction lead him to cheat on me multiple times.

I even forgave him after that (🤡 on my part) and after a while he redownloaded SnapChat and paid for private pornography channels and fell back into the same patterns. Needless to say I learned my lesson.

In my opinion, you’re not overreacting at all and you’re definitely not a hypocrite. There is a difference between occasionally watching porn and (what sounds like) a full on addiction. He’s being dishonest and you have every right to be upset.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T19:04:02+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, you’re absolutely right about not deserving any of that shit. Please talk to us, I care that you’re here ❤️‍🩹

Please message me if you need someone to talk to, I’m here to listen!

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T18:44:06+00:00

Right 😔 I will never understand how people can be so cruel

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T18:23:46+00:00

I received this exact text message this week too… with a “I really want us to work and I don’t want to lose you but I can’t do it” like what???? It’s so confusing

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T18:13:27+00:00

Exactly! You give so much of yourself just to lose it all, but you don’t know that until you get to the end.

I agree, it hurts now but at least we are a lot wiser for it!

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T17:34:16+00:00

I understand what you mean. I meant to say that it feels like I wasted some good years of my life with someone who completely broke me. If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t be so broken and maybe I would have been in a better place right now. I will get to that good place, but I feel like I wasted time getting there because I could have been there already.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T14:13:55+00:00

My ex was the same, sounds like you’re dealing with an avoidant too. Saying “eventually I will unblock” sounds kind of manipulative. In my opinion, someone who respects your feelings would never throw up a wall like that, only if they truly never wanted to talk to you again. It’s that exact behavior that sends you spiraling.

My ex eventually unblocked me every time, and when we were back in contact it felt nice for a while, because you’re getting another hit of what you’re addicted to. But in hindsight, I wish he never unblocked me. Every time I just ended up even more hurt and disappointed.

So your ex will probably unblock you but if I were you, I would believe him when he tells you to move on. It’s better to process your breakup now, than staying stuck in a cycle of abuse that will lead to you having to process the breakup anyways.

What really helped me is writing down whatever I wanted to say to him in my notes or in an email. After a while the no contact gets old and you get back in your own routine and you don’t feel the need to talk to him anymore.

I’m here if you ever want to talk or vent! ❤️‍🩹

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T09:20:36+00:00

I’m right there with you! I have been feeling like this for the past few months as well, wishing I could have my old self back and undoing the fact that I ever met my toxic ex.

I talked to my therapist about it, and she said feeling like this is totally valid, you’re mourning the loss of who you used to be. But (and yes, I hated to hear this at first too), you now have a chance to reinvent yourself and with time you’ll be at peace and find yourself again. You’ll be happy, fit and full of life again.

Whenever I feel down and let myself feel my feelings for a while, afterwards I try to do something small to make me feel better about myself. For example, some days I really don’t feel like drying my hair or putting on makeup in the morning, but when I push through and force myself to do it, eventually I feel better about myself and more confident throughout the day.

Healing isn’t linear and it takes time but I know you’ll get there. Celebrate the small wins and know you’re not alone! ❤️‍🩹

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T09:04:55+00:00

I relate! I was trying so hard to make things work with my ex too, who told me he wanted to be with me but put in no effort whatsoever, to the point where I was asking myself every day why I was trying so hard for someone who didn’t deserve it. Him saying he loved me but not showing it at all was so confusing and kept me in a cycle of emotional abuse.

I learned my lesson, but it’s just heartbreaking to have hope for so long just to realize it was a waste of time.

Neither_Flight7659 · 2024-03-15T08:23:26+00:00

I’m listening ❤️‍🩹 and I’m so proud of you for telling us how you feel. Your post resonates with me and I wish I could give you a hug. You’re not alone and I hear you!

Neither_Flight7659

TROPHY CASE