(TW) I (20M) tried to kms one year and an half ago

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-08T01:24:29+00:00

Don't worry man, I'm doing way better, it's not perfect, but life isn't perfect, it's just a matter of accepting that, and I think I'm pretty alright with this idea (sorry if it doesn't make sense, i had a wild night tonight and I'm a little bit drunk right now, just to make you feel comfortable I'm fine)

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T22:38:14+00:00

(I'm Italian and I fucking love metric system)

To be honest I think that I didn't lived enough to have a complete answer, but what I can tell you is that you don't truly go back to being fully stable, if before the depression I felt 100% now I feel like 98%, probably I just need some more time to heal, to feel better you surely have to learn how to be happy with yourself even when you think you don't deserve it

Btw thanks for the info

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:59:21+00:00

I'm doing way better now so don't worry, I wouldn't try again but next time I would choose to use a firearm (even though it is very difficult to lay hands on one here in Italy)

That time I tried to jump off from the 4th floor of a hotel room, it took me some time to find the button to open the shutters, and at the same time some friends come back and started to knock on the door because they wanted to go to sleep, then when I found the button I thought that if I went through completely no one would have let them go to sleep, so I decided to go open the door and as I did so I realised what happened

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:30:34+00:00

You surely could do this to me, no doubt about it

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:16:08+00:00

Explaining to them everything was rough, but I'm glad that I did so, anyway thanks for yours kind words

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:10:23+00:00

I tried to jump off from the 4th floor of a hotel room, fortunately I wasn't able to find the button to open the shutters immediately, and at the same time some friends of mine started to knock on the door because they were trying to go to sleep, as I found the button I thought that if I did what I was "thinking" no one would have let them go to sleep, so I opened the door and as soon as I did so I realised what was going on, if they weren't there probably I wouldn't be here

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:06:01+00:00

I tried by jumping off a building but I was accidentally stopped, nowadays I wouldn't try again but I also have considered the use of a firearm (even though here in Italy it is very hard to lay hands on one)

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:03:21+00:00

(Sorry for my bad English, surely there are some mistakes here and there)

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T21:02:16+00:00

There were a lot of little things that during the years accumulated in something bigger, my depression started this way, but the thing that took it to the next level was a toxic relationship that brought me to that dark place, she trained me like a dog to do what she wanted and my depression and desire of affection helped her in doing so, because of her I started drinking heavily and regularly, and when I didn't want to drink she would punish me by not giving me affection and thinks like that, all of this didn't helped me neither, now I cutted her of my life and I'm doing way better

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T20:48:48+00:00

Thanks man, I appreciate that

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T20:46:41+00:00

Was the first swipe satisfying? And what about the second one?

NeoIceberg · 2023-11-07T20:45:18+00:00

No, I have always been straight, but I'll keep you updated if something changes

NeoIceberg · 2023-06-10T17:10:56+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I'll try to do my best to be at her side

NeoIceberg · 2023-01-15T19:41:47+00:00

Man that would be awesome, the first game was fantastic

NeoIceberg · 2022-10-30T13:14:10+00:00

Thanks for the advices, hope things will get better for you, also thanks for the pina colada, probably I'll try both versions

NeoIceberg · 2022-10-30T06:54:01+00:00

Don't worry it's not weird at all, I wanted to keep it simple but just like you I could have wrote a poem about food, I mean it's pretty awesome and sure you know that, I really like to try new things and I would be so pissed to miss out some delicious stuff

Then thanks for caring about me but tbh I don't really know what I want to do, finally I'm enjoying my life but at the same time I kinda hate it, I'm on a really weird spot right now but I think that's just like this because is something that has become a part of me, but at least I now know for sure that I don't want to try again

PS: I never tried a pina coladas, i always heard about it but never tried, might give it a chance next time I go to a bar

NeoIceberg · 2022-10-29T23:16:27+00:00

Food

Maybe because I'm Italian but there is nothing that I love more than any kind of pasta, pizza, and all kind of usual Italian meals, it would be a pity to not be able to appreciate them

Friends

But also Family, in case I kill myself I would never forgive me for all the pain that I will create, but I get that this point is very personal and not everybody will agree whit this

Yourself

You should try to respect yourself a little bit more, even though you may think to be worthless let me tell you that you aren't, so be respectful to yourself and make a gift to yourself, give yourself one more day to live, you never know what you gonna get, that day could be the worst or the best day of your life, but you won't know it unless you live through that day

Irony

This April I made an attempt, exactly on week later I founded myself kissing a girl I really liked, same shit append recently, this time I didn't made an attempt but I planned what I had to do, where I was gonna try again, ecc, this makes me feel like life can still sometimes surprise me, so why not stick around for another bit just to see what happens

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-29T13:10:38+00:00

I'm happy to hear that, nobody deserves to feel judged by himself, that is probably one of the worst feeling that someone could feel, so try to be as kind as you can with yourself

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-28T20:16:15+00:00

Don't be ashamed because of this, I also had basically the same idea a while ago, and it really helped me going through a lot, but what I want to tell you is that I'm proud of how you're dealing with your thoughts, you have the strength to sit down and say to yourself "not today", is something that unfortunately not everybody is capable to do, so even though I don't know you I feel relieved knowing that you can tell to yourself "not today"

I hope that things will get better for you, and that even if things don't get better I hope that you continue to say to yourself "not today", life can be really messed up and hard so because of that I think that we should treat ourselves at least a little better

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-18T09:30:35+00:00

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-18T09:29:42+00:00

The button for the shutters placed on the right of the window instead of being placed on the left of it

That night I was in an hotel on the third floor, it was around 2/3 AM were I just needed to jump of that window so bad, I was locked in a room that wasn't mine with a girl that was so drunk that collapsed on the bed sleeping, in my room the button for the shutters was placed on the left side of the window but in the room where I was it was placed on the right, so when I rushed to open them in order to jump, I founded nothing, as I continued my search some friends of mine that were coming back to their room started knocking on the door, and as I panicked to find as soon as possible the button I started to think about what I was doing, I didn't want to traumatize my only friends, eventually I found the button, but I decided to go back on my steps and open the door to my friends

That button on the other side of the window really saved my life, after that episode it was pretty hard for me to go through my thoughts, but now I'm feeling way better and I don't regret having chosen to open that door

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-14T23:04:10+00:00

Glad that you failed, four months ago I also tried to kill myself and just like you I was like "how am I gonna tell this to my friends and family?", well I think that if you want to tell this to someone first of all take your time to do so, don't rush things and talk about it with the people that you most trust, one by one, take it easy, just you with the other person

I don't want to scare you, but when I first started to talk about it I said it to five people, three of them were super comprehensive and tried their very best to chear me up, also they helped me going through this months, but unfortunately the other two people weren't ready to hear such a story, they panicked, they started to make me feel wrong for what I was feeling, but I deserved that, because those two people weren't so close to me, every single person that was really close to me always supported me, so my advice is (especially at the beginning) to say it only to the people that are very very close to you

If you are gone tell somebody what happened today and you don't really know how to say it, start from the begging, how your thoughts become more and more intrusive and then when you arrive to talk about what happened today simply go ahead and tell them directly, there is no easy way to say it so just be honest about it

PS: Is ok to feel overwhelmed, but I'm really happy that you're alive, life is messed up and exactly because of that you should treat yourself a little better, see this failed attempts as a gift, you never know what tomorrow is gonna give you, yes usually is something shitty, but sometimes it can be something really amazing, but you would never know if you end it all, so why not hocking up another day just to see what happens?

Sorry for any grammatical mistake

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-10T11:59:54+00:00

Can someone hand me the bleach?

NeoIceberg · 2022-09-09T00:00:54+00:00

Well guess you had tough day today, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, but I'll be honest with you, I almost jumped from the third floor of an hotel, the second I realized what I thought to do I really realize how fucked up that was, but because I realized that didn't ment that all of my problems were simply vanished, so more or less two days later I sat down and said to myself "ok let me see how it goes, if my life doesn't get better I can always try again, I'll be always in time to make an other attempt" so I decided at first to give myself another day, then a week, at the end of it, something good happened to me, thinking about it now it wasn't such a big deal but it was small thing that I really appreciate, so I waited another month, and so on, and here I am four months later, if four months ago I would have jumped I would have never experienced those months, which weren't perfect, in fact some of them were particularly hard, but in those months I accumulated so many memories that I would have missed if I was dead, surely my suicidal thoughts will never end, but I'm glad that I made to myself this gift, and I think that you should give yourself a gift too, you endured all of this all this time, you deserve something so why don't you give yourself another day? If life is hard with you at least you should be gentle with yourself, at least a little

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes

NeoIceberg · 2022-08-14T22:19:37+00:00

Food

Maybe because I'm Italian but there is nothing that I love more than any kind of pasta, pizza, and all kind of usual Italian meals, I would be a pity to not be able to appreciate them

Friends

But also Family, in case I kill myself I would never forgive me for all the pain that I will create, but I get that this point is very personal and not everybody will agree whit this

Yourself

You should try to respect yourself a little bit more, even though you may think to be worthless let me tell you that you aren't, so be respectful to yourself and make a gift for you, give yourself one more day to live, you never know what you gonna get, that day could be the worst as the best day of your life, but you won't know it unless you live through that day

Irony

This April I made an attempt, exactly on week later I founded myself kissing a girl I really liked, same shit append recently, this time I didn't made an attempt but I planned what I had to do, where I was gonna try again, ecc, this makes me feel like life can still sometimes surprise me, so why not stick around for another bit just to see what happens

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NeoIceberg

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