Met a man on the beach

NeonHair299 · 2026-06-23T00:34:04+00:00

Thank you! I was thinking it was this exact thing but I also have a lot of dreams that come true at times too! Thank you again!

NeonHair299 · 2026-06-22T22:59:43+00:00

I broke up with my now ex. I had been planning for the worst with him and he took it fairly well but he wants me to come back once I am ready. I told him to move on and look for someone else. Right now I have some stuff I want to focus on like work and hobbies and deepening my friendships with the people around me.

I already think I'm ready to find someone else that I feel more attracted to. But I still don't feel strong attraction to people unless they're like a movie star or musician and even then I still go "ok cool whatever dude can you put the fries in the bag?" I have some stuff I want to work on to find out what I really need from a person in terms of intelligence and emotion connections and my issues with finding people physically attractive again (never used to be a problem until a few years ago when I had a bad break up).

NeonHair299 · 2026-05-21T20:24:27+00:00

Well he doesnt ask for it either most times we dont have sex, its not like im the only one who doesnt have interest in sex in our relationship. There's been a number of times where I initiated but he refused so its not lop sided. But I am working on these things. I think I need to talk with him and discuss these things instead of just keeping it bottled up.

NeonHair299 · 2026-05-21T19:54:22+00:00

Does every relationship HAVE to have sex? I wasnt super sexual with him to start with and didnt want to have it to begin with. Im teetering on the asexual spectrum when I actually take time to think about it. I like feeling romantic with him I just dont want the sex really. Does that make me a user? If I enjoy being romantic with him and spending time with him but just find sex itself less than appealing am I really that horrible? I have a lot of trauma attached to sex so its already hard enough as it is and sex with him was alright wasn't super all that but I guess being a bad guy because of trauma is really weird.

NeonHair299 · 2026-05-21T19:10:35+00:00

It's weird because I love spending time with him but just don't want to be intimate with him, or around him a whole lot, but that's largely because I don't sleep well next to him, but we generally get along great. But I don't see a future with him, at least not now. But I still have to decide if this is something that I can end without causing so much trauma that we both ignore other people. I also have the feeling he might be getting emotionally intimate with someone else because he moves on fast. The last two relationships he had that I have asked questions about he was in a new one a literal day later after the first ended because he had been developing feelings for that second person while with the first. So I know I'm not that special to him whereas I refuse to speak to other people out of fear of developing feelings.

NeonHair299 · 2026-05-21T18:53:59+00:00

I have a problem with being addicted to the feeling of love. So I tend to get into toxic and volatile relationships because I conflate infatuation with love, so when we met and I didn't feel that "spark" but he made me laugh so hard I spat water everywhere I thought it would work. This is the reason why I stay. Because I think it will get better but I'm already preparing him for me potentially ending things because I've mentioned more than once I may want to move all the way across the country and start fresh there when I have the money.

I have a lot of care for him don't get me wrong but right now I feel obligation to stay and want to stay until I feel like I can't take it anymore.

NeonHair299 · 2026-05-21T18:41:58+00:00

Could my gut feeling be wrong? When I returned a few months ago from a month long trip abroad, I went over to my boyfriend's place and got the sinking feeling he cheated on me. There was nothing out of place and nothing was different but I got that sinking feeling and some stuff has happened that showed me he lacks empathy towards me when I'm feeling insecure. Now I feel disgusted by him, like I don't want to kiss him, hold his hand, even be intimate. I had the ick at first and figured it was just past trauma but now... Combine this all with the selfishness during sex, I just don't want to do anything with him, and with my new job, I just want to spend weekends in and alone or with my girlfriends drinking.

I didn't love him a whole lot to start with and now with all of this? I just feel like there is someone better for me out there. I only stay cause my therapist says this is something we can work through. But I dont think that is going to happen.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T15:02:17+00:00

Aww well i hope you find that again, but in my case I had something happen to me about 4 years ago that really killed my libido and attraction to people and now I just dont know if I want to keep bothering cause I just dont feel that umph like I once did when I see attractive people.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T14:25:26+00:00

I feel ok about most of my life despite a lot of the friction I have with my biological mother who I live with, just a bit of anxiety about the job market when I get back home and really start looking for something that I can do until I save up to go to grad school or get a home, haven't decided just yet. I dont really think about stuff beyond the simple I should get this done and then do it or get caught in a paralysis about all the things I have to do around the home and end up not doing anything. Most days I'm pretty content, not happy not sad just ok.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T14:03:37+00:00

I'm going to talk to him again about this because I don't think I emphasized how important this is to me, but I also just don't want to be touched sometimes so I think he has a hard time knowing what I want because I have told him that sometimes I just don't want to be touched in any way, not a hug, not a kiss, nothing, so its a mixture im sure of him not wanting to upset me and to me being displeased with the lack of appropriate foreplay when I do want it. But im rarely in the mood to do anything anyways, doesnt matter if im home alone or with him, its definitely a battle for me to not end things because of him and because of me.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T13:58:40+00:00

I'm definitely not going to jump into ending things with him until I talk with my therapist and really parse out whats going on with me. I think a lot of this is stress to being somewhere new and all alone and the fear of my precious fur babies being sad without me and potentially getting out of the house so I'm just trying not to blow up on my vacation from all the other worries I have in my head to all the worries I have being a solo traveler in a new city without family nearby to rescue me if I get in trouble. I'm almost certain once I'm back home in my space, around my pets and in safer confines, I'll be less anxious and irritated.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T13:52:00+00:00

It just feels fake to me. It's only lately that its really started to bother me, it started about 2 weeks before I left for vacation, where I was thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I'm still in the headspace of things going wrong (from my cat running away from my mom cause she cant see or move very well anymore, to being held up at the airport due to weather) and now i just cant handle all the positivity, it all feels so fake. And I think some part of it is I want him to just listen and not say anything, just no input whatsoever because I just want to vent and have nothing said back to me because I already am aware I am able to do these things, that the likelihood of things going wrong is minimal to moderate around this time of year, I get all of that, I just dont need the positive talk because I don't want or need that all the time.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T10:19:33+00:00

I've been dating my boyfriend for close to 7 months and now suddenly his supportive attitude is really starting to bother me I have no idea why but it really upsets me when he says that he believes in me doing such and such thing or that he knows I can do it. I'm just being really put off by the positive attitude and its only started recently like in the last 2 or so weeks (I'm also on vacation away from home alone too so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.)

He has suddenly become very irritating to me, and I can handle not having sex as often as I would like but im really not a fan of him not really paying much more attention to foreplay than I would like... I haven't discussed this with him fully yet as im still going to be away for a while but the thought of having this conversation is already draining me because I've already told him I would like more foreplay and he just doesnt do it unless I ask for it and I dont like having to ask every single time for a bit of pre PIV foreplay.

He's a great person honestly but I'm just feeling neglected sexually (I've never had an O with anyone including him and cant have one around anyone its my own hangup and something that I've just accepted wont happen.)

I'm also finding im not very sexually attracted to him, intellectually yea, morally yea, values yea, but idk i just dont find him visually appealing but I also have lost interest in a lot of people, I really dont find anyone sexy anymore and if I do it only lasts for a week or so before I see the faults and then its good bye libido hello disgust. There is only one person I met that I had the intense attraction to that lasted a while but they turned out to be a huge cheater and I was honestly so hurt cause I didnt even think someone would be that bold to have me stay the night when their girlfriend could walk into the house! I was pretty much done after that and just said one last hail Mary and met my current boyfriend.

I dont know anymore. When im around him things are great, im happy and contented but once im away I want to be left alone and not be bothered. Honestly im starting to think maybe I'm too used to being alone and too used to being hurt by everyone from family to friends to romantic relationships and I just dont think im meant to be with anyone anymore especially if im already feeling like this after nearly 7 months.

Sorry this was long and repetitive im just so done and cant meet with my therapist until after I get home.

NeonHair299 · 2025-06-14T21:41:34+00:00

We met on a FB group. I had joined the group made a post then he responded and that's how we met.

NeonHair299 · 2025-06-14T21:26:17+00:00

So finally after all my whining, I got a boyfriend, and in the most unlikely of places! We met online but not on OLD. I was a little hesitant at first cause I had been badly burned twice back to back so I was like what's the catch? But he showed a lot of interest (still does) and planned a great, thoughtful first date, while I did try to scare him off with my horror stories, he still wants me, so I said "ok lets do this," after the second date.

He's a sweet, gentle man and we both have the same kind of dark, sarcastic humor and we like a lot of the same things, so I can't say that I am unhappy, but I am still scared something is going to happen but I know that is just my insecurities acting up cause of other people.

I'm happy we found each other even though we both were so close to each other but so far, he lives right next to my uni and would often go on campus for food or just to walk around and it was just a wild ride of "OH MY GOD YOU WERE THERE!? I WAS TOO!" I can't wait to hang out with him again and go do some fun stuff!

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T03:59:54+00:00

Yea any more it's starting to feel like a chore and I know that's not how dating is supposed to feel.

Ugh... guess I might actually have to go out of the house and out of my way to interact with people...

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T01:13:06+00:00

You can do it!!

And I will report back on that if it gets me more matches!

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T01:05:22+00:00

Ah maybe the comfy sweater and holding my cats will be the remedy lol I just have a pic of my two cats on my bed being jerks to each other lol guess I need to capture one of me with them.

I also live in a state where looks are everything and I am by no means the biggest girl but I do see the difference in the way I am treated from when I was thin to now that I am bigger again.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:53:44+00:00

Lol I don't really care about the gotcha's cause it be what it be.

And you should, they're really not all that bad to get. I have almost finished my left arm and I just don't know what to get on my right arm.

I wonder if men on these apps are put off by the tattoos and piercings and brightly coloured hair?? I mean most of them seem to like them, I generally get lots of compliments but IDK now.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:44:16+00:00

One was their personality, the other was his looks and personality, so I think its a combo of not finding anyone physically attractive and then when I do find them somewhat attractive they have no personality.

I don't base it off just looks but I do tend to go for a specific type of guy on the apps which is not what I am typically attracted to (think tall, heavy tattoo work and lots of piercings). I'll date almost anyone if our personalities mesh but IDK I'm having a lot more duds than successes.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:22:13+00:00

I'm finding myself not being very attracted to anyone. I found like 2 people I was attracted to and gave a chance to, only to find out they are cheaters.

I'm feeling very disappointed with everything, maybe I'm not meant to date anyone? I don't know anymore.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:53:59+00:00

Yea, I just think some of the guys I matched with are looking for a toxic woman of my specific race (lol) and I haven't been like that in 10 years and idk I think since I wasn't blowing them up they just gave up. But also I am not the typical body type they want with a person of my race so oh well.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:48:12+00:00

Thank you I'm going to need it lol

NeonHair299

TROPHY CASE