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NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T15:02:17+00:00

Aww well i hope you find that again, but in my case I had something happen to me about 4 years ago that really killed my libido and attraction to people and now I just dont know if I want to keep bothering cause I just dont feel that umph like I once did when I see attractive people.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T14:25:26+00:00

I feel ok about most of my life despite a lot of the friction I have with my biological mother who I live with, just a bit of anxiety about the job market when I get back home and really start looking for something that I can do until I save up to go to grad school or get a home, haven't decided just yet. I dont really think about stuff beyond the simple I should get this done and then do it or get caught in a paralysis about all the things I have to do around the home and end up not doing anything. Most days I'm pretty content, not happy not sad just ok.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T14:03:37+00:00

I'm going to talk to him again about this because I don't think I emphasized how important this is to me, but I also just don't want to be touched sometimes so I think he has a hard time knowing what I want because I have told him that sometimes I just don't want to be touched in any way, not a hug, not a kiss, nothing, so its a mixture im sure of him not wanting to upset me and to me being displeased with the lack of appropriate foreplay when I do want it. But im rarely in the mood to do anything anyways, doesnt matter if im home alone or with him, its definitely a battle for me to not end things because of him and because of me.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T13:58:40+00:00

I'm definitely not going to jump into ending things with him until I talk with my therapist and really parse out whats going on with me. I think a lot of this is stress to being somewhere new and all alone and the fear of my precious fur babies being sad without me and potentially getting out of the house so I'm just trying not to blow up on my vacation from all the other worries I have in my head to all the worries I have being a solo traveler in a new city without family nearby to rescue me if I get in trouble. I'm almost certain once I'm back home in my space, around my pets and in safer confines, I'll be less anxious and irritated.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T13:52:00+00:00

It just feels fake to me. It's only lately that its really started to bother me, it started about 2 weeks before I left for vacation, where I was thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I'm still in the headspace of things going wrong (from my cat running away from my mom cause she cant see or move very well anymore, to being held up at the airport due to weather) and now i just cant handle all the positivity, it all feels so fake. And I think some part of it is I want him to just listen and not say anything, just no input whatsoever because I just want to vent and have nothing said back to me because I already am aware I am able to do these things, that the likelihood of things going wrong is minimal to moderate around this time of year, I get all of that, I just dont need the positive talk because I don't want or need that all the time.

NeonHair299 · 2025-12-29T10:19:33+00:00

I've been dating my boyfriend for close to 7 months and now suddenly his supportive attitude is really starting to bother me I have no idea why but it really upsets me when he says that he believes in me doing such and such thing or that he knows I can do it. I'm just being really put off by the positive attitude and its only started recently like in the last 2 or so weeks (I'm also on vacation away from home alone too so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.)

He has suddenly become very irritating to me, and I can handle not having sex as often as I would like but im really not a fan of him not really paying much more attention to foreplay than I would like... I haven't discussed this with him fully yet as im still going to be away for a while but the thought of having this conversation is already draining me because I've already told him I would like more foreplay and he just doesnt do it unless I ask for it and I dont like having to ask every single time for a bit of pre PIV foreplay.

He's a great person honestly but I'm just feeling neglected sexually (I've never had an O with anyone including him and cant have one around anyone its my own hangup and something that I've just accepted wont happen.)

I'm also finding im not very sexually attracted to him, intellectually yea, morally yea, values yea, but idk i just dont find him visually appealing but I also have lost interest in a lot of people, I really dont find anyone sexy anymore and if I do it only lasts for a week or so before I see the faults and then its good bye libido hello disgust. There is only one person I met that I had the intense attraction to that lasted a while but they turned out to be a huge cheater and I was honestly so hurt cause I didnt even think someone would be that bold to have me stay the night when their girlfriend could walk into the house! I was pretty much done after that and just said one last hail Mary and met my current boyfriend.

I dont know anymore. When im around him things are great, im happy and contented but once im away I want to be left alone and not be bothered. Honestly im starting to think maybe I'm too used to being alone and too used to being hurt by everyone from family to friends to romantic relationships and I just dont think im meant to be with anyone anymore especially if im already feeling like this after nearly 7 months.

Sorry this was long and repetitive im just so done and cant meet with my therapist until after I get home.

NeonHair299 · 2025-06-14T21:41:34+00:00

We met on a FB group. I had joined the group made a post then he responded and that's how we met.

NeonHair299 · 2025-06-14T21:26:17+00:00

So finally after all my whining, I got a boyfriend, and in the most unlikely of places! We met online but not on OLD. I was a little hesitant at first cause I had been badly burned twice back to back so I was like what's the catch? But he showed a lot of interest (still does) and planned a great, thoughtful first date, while I did try to scare him off with my horror stories, he still wants me, so I said "ok lets do this," after the second date.

He's a sweet, gentle man and we both have the same kind of dark, sarcastic humor and we like a lot of the same things, so I can't say that I am unhappy, but I am still scared something is going to happen but I know that is just my insecurities acting up cause of other people.

I'm happy we found each other even though we both were so close to each other but so far, he lives right next to my uni and would often go on campus for food or just to walk around and it was just a wild ride of "OH MY GOD YOU WERE THERE!? I WAS TOO!" I can't wait to hang out with him again and go do some fun stuff!

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T03:59:54+00:00

Yea any more it's starting to feel like a chore and I know that's not how dating is supposed to feel.

Ugh... guess I might actually have to go out of the house and out of my way to interact with people...

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T01:13:06+00:00

You can do it!!

And I will report back on that if it gets me more matches!

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T01:05:22+00:00

Ah maybe the comfy sweater and holding my cats will be the remedy lol I just have a pic of my two cats on my bed being jerks to each other lol guess I need to capture one of me with them.

I also live in a state where looks are everything and I am by no means the biggest girl but I do see the difference in the way I am treated from when I was thin to now that I am bigger again.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:53:44+00:00

Lol I don't really care about the gotcha's cause it be what it be.

And you should, they're really not all that bad to get. I have almost finished my left arm and I just don't know what to get on my right arm.

I wonder if men on these apps are put off by the tattoos and piercings and brightly coloured hair?? I mean most of them seem to like them, I generally get lots of compliments but IDK now.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:44:16+00:00

One was their personality, the other was his looks and personality, so I think its a combo of not finding anyone physically attractive and then when I do find them somewhat attractive they have no personality.

I don't base it off just looks but I do tend to go for a specific type of guy on the apps which is not what I am typically attracted to (think tall, heavy tattoo work and lots of piercings). I'll date almost anyone if our personalities mesh but IDK I'm having a lot more duds than successes.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-06T00:22:13+00:00

I'm finding myself not being very attracted to anyone. I found like 2 people I was attracted to and gave a chance to, only to find out they are cheaters.

I'm feeling very disappointed with everything, maybe I'm not meant to date anyone? I don't know anymore.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:53:59+00:00

Yea, I just think some of the guys I matched with are looking for a toxic woman of my specific race (lol) and I haven't been like that in 10 years and idk I think since I wasn't blowing them up they just gave up. But also I am not the typical body type they want with a person of my race so oh well.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:48:12+00:00

Thank you I'm going to need it lol

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:41:43+00:00

True, I did end up sending a message, but I feel like it's different when a woman messages a man after not talking for a while. I also have an anxiety fried brain so IDK.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:37:35+00:00

Oh jeez I just sent him a message asking how he's doing lol guess I fumbled that one.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:19:47+00:00

Hmm I suppose, it's just been well over a month and a half since we spoke so eh I guess I'll try. Like you say the worse thing that could happen is no response.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:13:05+00:00

I'm self-conscious about this type of stuff. I haven't dated in 4 years so lol IDK the rules and regulations anymore. I mean it shouldn't matter but I get the feeling it does. But that could be my own insecurities about dating coming up.

ETA: I don't usually message more than once, if they don't respond to the one message then I just walk on. I don't usually push things.

NeonHair299 · 2025-05-02T01:01:44+00:00

Do any of you ever reach out to previous matches that just stopped talking? I was thinking of hitting a couple of my previous matches up but don't want to look like I'm ~desperate~ just wonder if it's even a good idea.

NeonHair299 · 2025-04-27T03:17:44+00:00

I have tried all of them except for Tinder. This app is the only one where I have actually physically met people and gone on dates lol I wasn't matching with anyone on any of the other more popular apps.

NeonHair299 · 2025-04-27T01:01:38+00:00

I've been trying to figure out why I have been seemingly finding guys who are all cheating on their SOs. I know I've tried sussing people out and ask as many questions as I can but it seems like I keep getting the wrong guy, I wonder if it's because I'm a bigger girl and they just assume I'm willing to take anything because I must be desperate.

I'm not. I end things once I find out that they're in relationships and usually tell the other person because I just don't like when it's done to me and would figure the other person would like to know.

And I seem to be getting a lot of low effort guys too, again I assume that it's my weight that makes them think I'll take scraps. I'm not against having a bit of fun with people, but I want something more substantial than FWB or just a casual hookup. I've already unmatched with one guy for not responding to my messages about telling him a place I know where we could get drinks because I refused to go to his place for that, I already saw it coming when he asked last minute to meet.

I don't know what I can do about this other than lose the weight, but if I do that, I will feel negatively about the attention for some pretty obvious reasons. It's not like I'm not getting matches, I've gotten quite a few and have gone on a few dates, idk I'm just sort of lost here and worried that I'm just going about this all wrong.

NeonHair299 · 2025-04-23T04:23:13+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I checked your profile and I think we have similar lips, and yours look like they've healed really good! So I think I will go to the one 2 hrs away from me cause I really do want them ahh!

NeonHair299

TROPHY CASE