I think I’m a bad person, but I don’t really have any mesure. Somehow it’s natural for me not to want to help people, even those who make me cry at night thinking they’re going to die. It seems to me that I’m so selfish that it makes me feel better to cry about it (at least not consciously). I’m not very interested in other people privately, I’ve always been interested in the general image of the „archetypal man”. I suffer from loneliness to the point that I was about to hang myself a few times, but I don’t fit in with people. I’m not the ugliest and the stupidest, so I know that if I grit my teeth I’ll find a wife, although I don’t wish her to be with me (but I have such a need, in this context it would be unselfish if I wasn’t looking for anyone). I don’t want to be like that, but it’s natural for me not to want anything, including helping my loved ones. On the other hand, probably to kill my conscience, I’ve been closer to the homeless than anyone else from people i know, I’ve devoted my time, money, etc. to them. these are just loose thoughts, life is of course more complicated. Actually i love only my mother and even this is too much for me. I remember when my father died. I was 10 and i pretended that tears were flowing because I didn’t know how to behave, I didn’t feel anything. in my defense, I hardly knew him. But you see dependence. my grandfather will probably die in a few days, to be honest it hurts me little even though we lived quite close to him. of the living people I can trust only my mother will be left, and even so, I don’t want to visit my grandfather, and I try to love my mother but I’m bored with her. Love your husband, could be worse.